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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at these parents

93 replies

shiningbright567 · 21/02/2016 18:26

DS2 is 9. He's friends with another boy at school of the same age. This boy's parents are clearly a lot more relaxed than we are, which is absolutely fine. Over Christmas, they allowed their son to watch the film Spy, which clearly has a lot of bad language in it and from what I understand some questionable images, which their son relayed to DS2. The week before last, they allowed him to watch Ted, again language and some of the drug content was relayed to DS2 and last weekend, it was Love Actually, a wonderful film but not appropriate for a 9 year old, as evidenced by their son's graphic description of John and Judy's relationship. While a lot of the images in these films is clearly passing their son by, he is obviously picking up on a lot of it and passing it on. I completely respect their decisions to show their son these films, it is their son. But I am quite annoyed that they have let him repeat the contents in the playground. I rarely see either of the parents at school, either an aunt collects him or the parents fetch from an after school club. Would I be completely unreasonable next time I see them to bring this up with them and ask them to stop their son from repeating what he has seen in films? Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed about this? Would most people let their 9 year olds watch this?

OP posts:

gooseberryroolz · 22/02/2016 01:02

It's probably a very MC/WC divide Peggy, or sometimes a geographical one. I don't know a single 9 year old who 'goes about' with teenagers or plays out unsupervised or any of those things (neither did we at that age) so the whole scenario of soft porn magazines being passed around 9 year olds just doesn't happen. It sounds like something from a grim oop north film full of flares and raleigh choppers TBH.

Lightbulbon · 22/02/2016 01:03

The problem isn't 9 yos watching mainstream films the problem is 10,11,12 yos watching gonzo porn. Not just the odd child but a whole generation being educated by porn producers because their parents are to embarrassed to address these issues

gooseberryroolz · 22/02/2016 01:11

There can't be many parents left who don't talk to their DC Light.

I'm guessing Peggy and SoThat aren't parents given what they're basing their ideas of 'what 9 year olds know' on (their own childhoods), so I wouldn't panic on that basis.

Parents of current 9 year olds were born in the 60s, 70s and 80s, they aren't a prudish bunch.

FattyNinjaOwl · 22/02/2016 01:14

I don't tend to pay that much attention to the age rating on films, but no way would my child be watching those films.
But, DS1 is 7, he woke up not long ago and saw some of Ted (he was "camping" in the living room, DP was watching as he hadnt seen it, I was in the bath and didn't know) I came down to DS1 giggling at the bear swearing and driving a car. I turned it off and told him that film was not for children. Of course he went into school and told his teachers he had stayed up really late and watched Ted! (I also had words with DP. His thinking was that he wouldn't understand so it was OK )

MyFriendsCallMeOh · 22/02/2016 01:53

Saw Spy on a plane and thought my dcs would like it, they enjoy Johnny English etc. I downloaded it and realized I had been watching the ultra sanitized version. Some of the scenes have such bad language (f words repeated in front of every other word). I don't think I've ever heard so much bad language in one film. Doesn't bother me but no way my kids will watch it.

torthecatlady · 22/02/2016 01:58

I do think it depends a lot on the type of film.
I mean love actually, definitely not for 9 year olds! I think I was 12 when I saw it and was
Ted - absolutely not suitable at all! I don't think it's suitable for me still
Just today I was speaking with my BIL about the new marvel movie dead pool currently in the cinema now. It is a 15 and absolutely rightly so (lots of reference to drugs and sex and lots of grim deaths / torture scenes). I actually enjoyed it, maybe because Ryan Reynolds was in it? However his ds is 8 and thoroughly superhero mad and BIL has promised to get it for his son on dvd when it is out! They've always been lax on this sort of thing, but for me - 8 is too young!

SoThatHappened · 22/02/2016 02:01

That's awful SoThat. Maybe you don't realise that.

Oh I do. I seems terrible that children that young were telling it at school.

Although it IS awful.....dont assume your DC will watch Ted or Love Actually and think .

More likely meh.....

peggyundercrackers · 22/02/2016 02:06

Gooseberry this happened over 35yrs ago but we all went about together for a few years, the young teenagers were older brothers of kids my age, we we all very close in the few streets we lived in. Sorry it wasn't an oop north thing either but did involve Raleigh choppers...

I've no doubt now kids don't use soft porn mags or look at them, why would they when they have the Internet, music videos (there's more flesh in music videos now than was available on the whole of tv when I was young) games and all the other avenues we didn't have at that age. I don't doubt though that kids now don't know any less than we did.

SoThatHappened · 22/02/2016 02:21

Peggy and I and the kids at my school knew all this stuff around 30 years ago. We knew this stuff with no internet, smart phones, facebook, tablet computers, etc.

If we knew things like that without those means to find it out, what makes you think the children of today are more innocent?

They probably know more that 80s children did.

peggyundercrackers · 22/02/2016 02:22

Gooseberry funnily enough I've got 2 kids and more than a few nephews/nieces 2 of which are 9 this year and several more who are just older so yes lots of experience with them and slightly older teens. Strangely enough one thing we weren't Guilty of was swearing, I Don't believe my parents have heard me swearing yet.

We live in a main road of which most primary school kids go up and down and their language is certainly colourful to say the least.

We were in a localish park at tail end of the summer last year and there was 2 girls playing, one must have been 5 or 6 and the other maybe 8 or 9 - both them swearing like troopers. There was an older man in his 60s just looking at them but didn't say anything, I asked them to stop because the language was really a bit much, f'ing and c'ing every second word about nothing, seemed like it was normal for them. The area the park in is a very MC area, lots of expensive houses, everyone drives a Mercedes or BMW etc. etc.

Go and listen to kids playing Xbox on-line and they are all on chat to each other - they all swear like troopers, I expect that's why most of them wear earphones when they are online.

Lots and lots of examples of this type of behaviour - it's certainly not extraordinary that's for sure.

peggyundercrackers · 22/02/2016 02:23

Sothat I don't think kids are more innocent today, not even close to it.

SoThatHappened · 22/02/2016 02:28

I know peggy. My comments were agreeing with you.

peggyundercrackers · 22/02/2016 02:36

Sothat, sorry didn't read your comment properly.

gooseberryroolz · 22/02/2016 02:48

Sorry it wasn't an oop north thing either but did involve Raleigh choppers...

I was close

dont assume your DC will watch Ted or Love Actually and think

I've managed to breed a bunch of film critics so I doubt they'd watch them TBH And I knew what they were watching at 9, 10, 11, 12.

gooseberryroolz · 22/02/2016 02:53

Gooseberry funnily enough I've got 2 kids and more than a few nephews/nieces 2 of which are 9 this year and several more who are just older so yes lots of experience with them and slightly older teens

So can I be really nosey and ask how what they know about sex at 9 compares to what you had picked up?

Because you saying 'most 9 year olds know most stuff' has really taken me aback.

SoThatHappened · 22/02/2016 03:03

The kids I babysat as a teen told me all about "bumfuckers" (gay men) and of lesbians they said, they lick each others fannies instead. Christ they were 8-10. They knew what a prostitute was too.

This was the early 00's again no facebook, tablet computers,etc.

I didnt tell my parents I knew. Their parents didnt know they knew and yor kids arent going to walk up to you and start discussing these things. It's a big joke at that age.

I dont know any 9 year olds now.

turnaroundbrighteyes · 22/02/2016 10:38

My DH was desensitised to drugs, sexually inappropriate behavious and violence by watching, listening to and reading age inappropriate stuff. When at age 11-13 he found himself around it for real he was at times scared, but rarely shocked and took it all in his stride instead of running home and telling his parents. It didn't end well.

Kids are little sponges, they learn what's right and how the world works from all kinds of sources. I'd be happy for mine to see some 12s IF I or DH were there to explain it to them and talk it through, but definitely not the films mentioned.

Totally agree it's a child protection issue, hopefully a minor one.

ZanyMobster · 22/02/2016 22:17

I not sure most 9yo would understand but maybe I just can't remember what I knew at 9 though . . .

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