Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at these parents

93 replies

shiningbright567 · 21/02/2016 18:26

DS2 is 9. He's friends with another boy at school of the same age. This boy's parents are clearly a lot more relaxed than we are, which is absolutely fine. Over Christmas, they allowed their son to watch the film Spy, which clearly has a lot of bad language in it and from what I understand some questionable images, which their son relayed to DS2. The week before last, they allowed him to watch Ted, again language and some of the drug content was relayed to DS2 and last weekend, it was Love Actually, a wonderful film but not appropriate for a 9 year old, as evidenced by their son's graphic description of John and Judy's relationship. While a lot of the images in these films is clearly passing their son by, he is obviously picking up on a lot of it and passing it on. I completely respect their decisions to show their son these films, it is their son. But I am quite annoyed that they have let him repeat the contents in the playground. I rarely see either of the parents at school, either an aunt collects him or the parents fetch from an after school club. Would I be completely unreasonable next time I see them to bring this up with them and ask them to stop their son from repeating what he has seen in films? Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed about this? Would most people let their 9 year olds watch this?

OP posts:
FlatOnTheHill · 21/02/2016 19:16

Do you know what? I retract my last comment.
Speak to the mother. Its her you need to chat to not the school.
All these people telling you to report it to the school Hmm
Why not go straight to the mum

LilacSpunkMonkey · 21/02/2016 19:16

Christ yes, with the video games! We're a gaming family and there's nothing wrong with that but hell will freeze over before my own Y6 son is playing the games some of the Y6 kids at my school play?

fastdaytears · 21/02/2016 19:17

FFS, what is wrong with some people? No way would I let my 9 year old watch those films and I'd be fuming if anyone else showed them to him. Completely unsuitable IMHO.

The parents have shown their own kid the films, not the OP's

LilacSpunkMonkey · 21/02/2016 19:19

The school can do plenty actually, Impossible.

  • Speak to the child
  • speak to the parents
  • speak to the class

Safeguarding covers inappropriate films.

babybythesea · 21/02/2016 19:19

They'll hear bad language etc, yes. And to a certain extent there's not much you can do about it.
But graphic descriptions of porn scenes (which is what Love Actually basically has in it) are not just a bit of bad language and definitely not something I'd want my nine year old knowing about, either from seeing them himself or hearing all the detail second hand. I would definitely mention it to the teacher - they might be able to have a word and at least stop him repeating things, even if they can't stop him watching it.

fastdaytears · 21/02/2016 19:22

I've always wondered why people say that it's a porn film they're shooting in Love Actually. I thought the whole premise is that they are standing in for the real actors for all the technical stuff. Are porn stars important enough to have stand ins? This annoys me, maybe I should start a thread.

rookiemere · 21/02/2016 19:27

My son is just 9 and no way would I let him watch love actually!

I'd recommend most people stay away from Love Actually as its such a poor film, although not as bad as Ted which is in a class of it's own. Haven't seen Spy but the posters suggest it's not my genre.

CalicoBlue · 21/02/2016 19:40

It is difficult, DH has always been a lot more lax than I am about what the kids watch. I walked in to the sitting room one day to see my DD 12, DSS12 and DS 16 watching Jackass. There was a chap lying on a table and his mates were putting toy cars in a condom and seeing how many they could fit up his arse. I was horrified and turned it off, to be told by Dh and all the kids that I was being unfair. I know that I wasn't. DH did not mind the kids watching stuff like that. We had to agree that his DSS could watch what he wanted but my DD was not to watch them.

We had at least one parent ask when they brought their kids round for sleepovers with DSS not to let them watch or play 18 games or films. I think more than one child was told to stop being friends with DSS because of this. DH is a lovely, bright intelligent man, but allows his son to watch what he wants.

I would speak to the parents if you are concerned.

NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight · 21/02/2016 19:40

No, they don't have the right, although it may be impossible to police. I'm a teacher and child protection officer in a primary school. This would be a safeguarding concern.

Pontytidy · 21/02/2016 19:43

This issue does not just relate to films but also inappropriate computer games and the fact that both can then influence behaviour in the playground and at school. This is a matter for the school to follow now with the parent as the type of films watched could turn into 18 rather then 15

Theimpossiblegirl · 21/02/2016 19:46

That's what I meant, it's pretty impossible to police. Yes, the school can do several things but unfortunately with services as over stretched as they are, they are unlikely to get any support if the parents ignore a quiet word/letter over a few mainstream (age inapproriate) films.

That doesn't mean I agree with children watching them though. I wish more parents would step up and take a bit of responsibility. Don't even start me on gaming...

FlatOnTheHill · 21/02/2016 19:48

NotaWhale
Safeguarding concern Hmm really?
We are talking Ted, Love Actually etc etc
I would say keep your safeguarding concerns for poor kids that are being starved, abandoned, plus mentally, physically and sexually abused.
Thats what your job is. Not to poke your nose into a families life like a social worker over a few films which are not really suitable but would do no long term harm.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 21/02/2016 19:49

Well, as a few of us have now said, it is a safeguarding issue.

It's also quite defeatist to go 'it's impossible to police'. If you don't try, how will you know?

TheSnowFairy · 21/02/2016 19:50

'The only one of those films I've seen is Ted, and I'd let my 9 year old watch it over my dead body.'

This.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 21/02/2016 19:51

Calm down, Flat.

Safeguarding covers all kinds of issues. It's not just about the big problems, but the smaller ones too which, a lot of the time, all add up to form a bigger puzzle.

Inappropriate films and games absolutely is a safeguarding issue. As told to me on THREE school safeguarding courses. We are expected to pass on any safeguarding concern, however big or small.

ClarenceTheLion · 21/02/2016 19:51

I watched Spy. I can't think of anything graphic about it at all? It's like a spoof 007 film, if 007 was Melissa McCarthy.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 21/02/2016 19:53

I thought she meant the Eddie Murphy/Owen Wilson one from about 10 years ago Blush, which I'd avoid simply because it's shit.

miaowli · 21/02/2016 19:54

A friend who is a teacher in an INFANTS school tells me that they have children who are familiar with seeing (whether watching or playing, I'm not sure) 18 games such as GTA and COD Angry

Biscetti · 21/02/2016 19:56

Of course parents can let their children watch whatever the want.

Obviously it's not good parenting, but the act itself is not illegal.

When the child is discussing such topics AT SCHOOL then of course the school must say something.

chantico · 21/02/2016 20:01

Spy is a great film for teenagers (it's a 15) but there are far too many sex references to go much lower than that.

I haven't seen Ted, but have heard about it from a DC who saw it on DVD when a bit underage for it - he loved it but told me I wouldn't approve!

What certificate is Love Actually? I can't imagine it having much appeal to younger viewers.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 21/02/2016 20:02

I would say keep your safeguarding concerns for poor kids that are being starved, abandoned, plus mentally, physically and sexually abused.

So when a 10 year old demonstrate rape to a 6 year as depicted in a film - that's ok?

Ok for said 10 year old to show a younger boy YouTube videos of similar -

FreshHorizons · 21/02/2016 20:04

I think that people are missing the point. Some children watch all sorts of inappropriate things and although you can ask them not to discuss with other children, or in the playground, you will only know if your child tells you. You can't control it. I can remember being told inappropriate things, as a child, but I didn't tell my parents so they didn't know.

Bluebird79 · 21/02/2016 20:09

I promise you there will be worse moments ahead...save your strength for that. Whilst I don't agree with the film choices here, is it really the end of the world??

ZanyMobster · 21/02/2016 20:15

I am pretty laid back with 12a films for my DCs (10&7) they have seen the odd 15 such as Gremlins but there is no way they would be allowed to watch those films, way too much sex and inappropriate language and if they are young enough to not understand the time and place for repeating it then they are most definitely too young to be watching it.

Crazypetlady · 21/02/2016 20:16

My nan gave me a saw film to watch when I was in primary
I don't think yabu but don't think anything can be done really you can't control what your ds gets told sadly

Swipe left for the next trending thread