to feel angry and sad that lack of funds mean my children miss out on things?

[Missanneshirley]

Very much middle class angst here as I am well aware that my children are fed, clothed, have a roof over their heads etc. They are not very "grabby" in terms of toys, gadgets etc and seem generally happy with their lot. But I just wish I could do more stuff with them! This weekend i know of friends whose dc are:

• going to see a sporting event in a nearby city (travel and ticket costs prohibitive)
• learning to climb at a climbing wall centre (as above )
• going to see a musical (as above!)

These are all different families obv! Another has a piano exam...cos they bought a piano and can pay for lessons.

Yes I know they have valuable time spent with family and friends etc. But I'd just love to be able to do more of these things which I think they would really love!

Sorry but lol to "we went to Scotland and learned to ski there" - I live in Scotland with a dry ski slope 30 mins down the road - can't afford the lessons!
But I do agree with the overall spirit of your post.

We did manage Legoland Windsor once though a cheap hotel deal. I think it was the Legoland site but not a Legoland hotel, we got a package for four people - 2 day admission, overnight stay in hotel with pool and leisure club, amazing breakfast included and under 12's ate free in the evening so I think I just paid for my meal (3 chn). I've just looked at the old booking email;. £220 so a big expense for us but it is a thing you only need to do the once and we didn't do another holiday that year.

Mine are older now so a lot of this free stuff people are mentioning, or National Trust visits etc doesn't cut the mustard. I have had some success with one day tickets to local music festivals (Glastonbury or Bestival etc so out of our reach), and local authorities put on a lot of stuff for teens. Mine do a 3 hour music club on Sat mornings that is about £80 for the year, lots of these have fallen victim to cutbacks but have reformed in other ways, try googling your local 'music hub'. I guess singing - choir or band is the cheapest form of instrument and there will be lots on there. An art gallery in our city runs proper regular workshop sessions (not just tasters) and I think they are free. So there is stuff out there but I think what you are saying is that it is wearing not having the choice.

Just remembered, uniformed groups like army/air/sea cadets can get lots of sports and overseas trips that are quite subsidised. Air cadets has lots of free gliding and even opportunity to train how to fly. One of mine has done cadets and got loads out of it, another is totally and completely against it!

i like the point that someone has made about still learning when older - they do get another burst of opportunities if they go to college or uni - cheap ski trips, sports, music, drama etc and lots of them are trying them for the first time so they won't feel left out then.

I am almost convincing myself - but not quite

.

That is a good point re picking up activities at uni, thank you, had forgotten that! I was too intimidated to join, but I hope my dds will have more confidence!

We did very little as kids. Mostly played out. No clubs other than brownies. No exotic holidays. I never felt deprived. I know the world has moved on but I think social media doesn't help. My DD is 12 and has never been bothered about Disneyland/legoland etc even though we could manage it I expect. She likes sleepovers and going to the cinema with her friends. Bowling and a trip to Maccy Ds would make her super happy.

I think we always want what's best for our kids and it can hurt seeing others have opportunities ours can't have.

In my case it's not financial but my kids only have one grandparent left and she's not in the best of health. It makes me sad that they're missing out on grandparents when other kids have healthy and active grandparents.

It's ok to feel twinges of sadness but we need to accept what it is if we can't change it and celebrate all the amazing things we can give our kids

Completely get where your coming from but given you stay close to one or two major cities there is loads to do for almost nothing!

For example, go to the matinees for cheap theatre, as long as you don't want the latest release, the cinema on Saturday morning. As for skiing, look out for groupon offers - the dry ski slopes typically offer these off season.

As I said in my earlier post, to the outside world we do loads, but we always look for ways to do things cheaper even if it's just taking a packed lunch!

My children have access to all the things you wish yours could have. Do you know what they value most in life? Family time and camping, no matter where. As others have said, the material stuff we value as adults is less important to kids, unless they're spoilt.

As someone upthread says, comparison is the thief of joy.

My daughter went to Florida with her father last year, she's going skiing with me this year.

Your kids have two parents who live together, with them, and love each other.

I know which I would rather have, and I know she would too.

Of course, I'd like it if you OP and I had all of it: the trips and the good marriage!

My daughter is lucky to have nice holidays. But the only holidays I had growing up were weeks sleeping in floors of relative's houses around the UK - and I don't think it's held me back at all.

Your children can do what I have done - try things as an adult. I expect I appreciate the activities I try / events I go to more than I would have done if I'd always been able to do it. It's great when something feels like a such a treat still!

It's partially what you make your priorities, and what opportunities come your way.

We love going to the theatre for musicals, so we do that a few times a year. We do London only on deals (kids' week is brilliant), but we'll go to a number of amateur ones that we know are good, but tickets are cheap.
The dc all play an instrument. Dh already played piano and trumpet, so dd1 and dd2 play those and ds plays the violin-bought for £10 from a charity shop and perfectly good enough.
We did have a number of years where we were regular attenders at LEGOLAND (computer is insisting that's in capitals for some reason,). That cost us about £25 a year in Tesco vouchers-the children have Blue Peter badges which get them in free. Taking lunch with us and occasionally sharing an ice cream as a treat.

But ds does not do football, other than school, where most of his friends do; we haven't ever taken them aboard- in fact we haven't had a family holiday the last couple of years and I don't think we'll get one this year either; we only have one car and that's fairly old; we only got half the windows replaced because that was all we could afford (other half are vintage 60s!); they don't have big gadgets, no I-phones etc and they don't get designer clothes (unless second hand).

I get school hols and he works shifts so they get a lot of time with us compared to some peers

You really can't put a value on that.

DH and I both work term time only so also get lots of time with DD. DD does OK materially as we only have her and she has generous GPs, but she occasionally has a moment when her cousins are off on a foreign holiday or getting a new Mac Book or iPhone (they are very privileged but nonetheless lovely kids).

I gently remind her that their Mum has a very high flying, full time job and spends a lot of time away from home, and their Dad is a childminder which means the house is filled with other people's small children all day Mon-Fri.

As yet she is not keen to trade !

I can't do everything I'd like to with her, but we've done a couple of London theatre trips (expensive tickets admittedly, but half price Travelodge, cheap advance booked rail tickets and Tesco Clubcard vouchers for food), and lots of free/cheap days out in London. If I want to do that kind of thing though I have to advance plan and budget and ebay like crazy.

I guess everyone feels this to some extent. Probably parents with kids at local private schools think it's a shame they can't afford to send them to Eton!
Your kids obviously have the massive advantage of two caring parents who are around a fair bit. But yes, we all want to give them lots of opportunities, and fun.
Like you, I didn't have many opportunities for out of school stuff as a kid, and although I accepted this as normal at the time, I also read a lot of Noel Streatfield and would have loved to do some ballet or ice-skating! I prioritise some activities for my kids (particularly music) over other things. I have no idea if they will thank me for this when they are older though. To me, in terms of trips etc, it's a variety of experiences which is important rather than any one particular trip.
How tight is your budget, is there any room for manoeuvre at all? I've been using YNAB for a while, and I've found this massively helpful in making us think about our financial priorities. I also have a sense that I can afford things which I previously thought were unaffordable. This is partly because now we are more aware of our spending we probably spend quite a lot less on some areas. It is also because we put away small amounts towards particular goals each month, and it feels like it soon adds up.
Are there any activities or trips that seem really important to you, or that you think your kids would really love? Is there any way you might be able to afford them by putting a little money away each month, cutting back slightly in an other area if you need to? Obviously also using vouchers, Clubcard points, choosing a cheaper time of year/day etc. to keep costs down.

When adults talk about their childhoods it is often in terms of happy or unhappy, not how many toys/visits/holidays/lessons they had.

Actually sometimes all those things come in to it, but often in 'I had loads of material things, but parents who never spent time with me'.

It is the family time that is important and the memories you build.

Sounds to me like your kids have a pretty awesome life.

Some suggestions, most of which have been said

• Musicals - local amdram productions can be fantastic and cheap

• Sport - we like going to watch the u20 and woman's 6 nations it costs a £10 for adults and kids go free

• Climbing - some options to teach yourself or do the local scouts/guides/army cadets not operate near you.

• music - plenty of free pianos on the likes of gumtree. We have a local lady who loves to teach and only charges £5 per 1/2 hour.

• days out - I use tesco vouchers for these. - don't shop in tesco then get a tesco credit card and use that instead of a debit card making sure you pay it off every month.

We used to do loads of fancy activities and have fancy holidays. Things changed financially and it stopped. I do put a lot of effort into making weekends busy, but it's all offers/ free and home stuff. I genuinely don't think the kids ( aged 2-21) have noticed.

YouTube is your friend. You can learn so many new things from making fondant animals to whittling to playing panpipes ( 3 things we did yesterday).

I had the childhood that you're wanting for your kids-I found it tiring going to multiple activities, pressurising and my favourite holiday was when we went to Blackpool to visit my Gran, as opposed to the sunny hols abroad.

I longed to have more time to ride my bike and play out with friends.

I haven't been able to afford to give my kids the kind of childhood I had. Thank fuck

The last few weekends the kids have

Trained with the world champion in their sport

Ds birthday party

Dds test in her sport

Been to London.

These all took ages to save up and happened to coincide so they were near each other. If someone looked at our life in the past month, it looks like we do loads. But over the year we don't.

I can feel abit like this sometimes and with only one child he does need activating as he gets bored at home playing on his own.

I couldn't afford to do much this half term and as am self employed had to work. We ended up doing the local park and waterstones free activities. He had been invited to a spykids birthday so that was one day. But otherwise he ended up watching whilst I worked. Money is tight for us too and this year will be the first holiday in 3 years. I do do as many free activities as I can and he does Kings Camps in summer. Yes some of his friends go to Alton Towers etc but we prefer smaller parks like Gullivers, IMO Alton Towers is a special kind of hell!

In terms of music lessons there may be ways to get free tuition via something like youtube as there are often things like that on there if they are of an age to follow instructions. Does their school do some lessons in instruments free. Ours does recorder lessons and club.

YY, Clubcard is ace for getting money off as it boosts quite nicely on some stuff. Have you tried doing surveys etc for extra money. I do some, it doesn't take long and I regularly get small amounts of money which I can use to get money off things, freeing up cash elsewhere.

Watching movies whilst I worked NOT watching me work!

You can learn an instrument, ski, horse ride and go to amazing places including the theatre as an adult. What you won't have back is time with your parents and siblings in a loving, secure environment. I had neither nice things or a loving secure childhood - nice things I could manage for myself when I was older but ill always have part of me that yearns for happy memories with my parents

I bought dd3 dry slope skiing lessons for xmas. She bloody LOVES it and I bought a 10 pass voucher for 75 quid. We've only been 3 times so far so lots more to look forward to. I bought Dd2 tickets to a west end musical for xmas also - both of these presents were LOVED and ill do similar this xmas.

It's what you make of it. If your children see you hand wringing and upset they will think they are missing out.

No so. There is lots of time to do stuff. We can afford lots more than we actually do, but mine actually prefer caravan holidays, and playing at home than being improved by activities.

Half term has been very much on a budget here. We've visited friends, had friends to play and sleepover, been for a walk in the woods and built a den, Sunday morning kids club cinema. Lots of DDs friends have done camps, stage schools etc. We can't afford that but I'm not sad about it. We're working our way through the national trust list of things to do before leaving primary school and having a good old fashioned childhood!

sporting I wondered what fascinating job you did so that your DC could watch. I had visions on wood whittling for some reason!