To ask your stories of petty revenge?

[CowPatRoberts]

I'll begin.

DP and I have a shopping agreement, one of us shops and the other unloads the car and puts everything away. A couple of weeks ago we had a minor spat about housework and I went off to Tesco, did the shopping and headed to the checkout. Now, not only did I double bag everything and fill it as much as I can, I also parked a few houses down as the car "wouldn't fit on the drive way".

How about you?

I went on a few dates with a guy, shagged him on the third one, and it was good. But the next day he said he didn't want to see me again as I shouldn't have "given in" and that I should've "played the game" a bit longer. I thought fuck that, and went home. But not without giving the inside of the toilet bowl a quick scrub with his toothbrush!

An old one...CEO of charity where I worked always asked me to make his tea in the morning ( not my job) and one day we had run out of tea bags, Rather than have to go to the shop, which I knew he'd demand, I took one of yesterday's bags out of the bin and made his cuppa with that.

My ex and I ended on very bad terms because he was a drug user and I caught him out. He managed to get an unpaid job doing the prize giveaway on the Paul O'Grady show (random, I know) and got taken to some fantastic places, including all expenses trip to Iceland to meet bjork (and sportacus from lazytown, also random ), and various other exciting days out. Needless to say I was pretty pissed off. So I emailed Paul o'grady 's team and suggested that he might do a guest feature about how to avoid paying maintenance for your children and how to hide crackpipes in your girlfriends house without her finding out. Unsurprisingly, he was let go. It's the only time I've ever got revenge and he was so mad when he found out....and maybe if he'd stayed working in TV I might have been getting more than a fiver a week maintenance for the last 12 years!

My petty revenge is on a type of person rather than a single person. It is those people who go swimming and leave their belongings laid out carefully across bench in the cubical rather than use the lockers. I only do this when they are being particularly selfish, one of only two family rooms during children's swimming lessons or all the cubicles are full and I've asked them as they leave to move their stuff. It varies but nobody returns to their carefully laid out clothes, I may drop wring out my wet swimsuit their stuff, on one occasion I could hear the family stood outside the changing room with no access to their towels, took us ages to get ready that day

The prawns in the curtains is real Captain. They were also under the floor boards near the water pipes plus a discrete iron mark had been left on the floorboards of the rented apartment under the sofa. Because it was ice cold winter, it took a while for the smell to take. But it was highly satisfying to watch from afar.

So impressed with so many of these , especially OohMavis , the only time I have done anything to any of the people in my life who have 'wronged' me is when a boyfriend was being a total and utter arse , so I took his favourite and very expensive shirt and wrote 'you are a twat ' in biro on it and nailed it to my door .

Thenewaveragebear SO impressed!

"You've made your bed" Classic!!

My dsis took out revenge her cunt of an abusive wankstain of a h. He was very precious about his collection of expensive wine, so when she went back for the few possessions he hadn't smashed up she took it all. Then got her friends to post back postcards from all over the place with the labels and notes "put this shepherds pie" "drank in a spritzer" etc.
But she said the best revenge was what he brought on himself-he was a contact programmer and had a contract at a high profile old money bank. He got in the lift and was monumentally rude to the lift attendant. Unfortunately one of the other passengers was actually Mr name of bank and sacked him before he reached his floor. He was very vain about his hair-went bald. And finally he remarried a European woman. He started up his abusive tricks-physical, financial, emotional. Her large brothers and father had a word, he had to behave or else.
Karma-don't you love hearing?

i cancel dh's recordings of things from the sky box when they are half way through

...I used to delete his shitey programs if he had vexed me, but I recently learned they go into a deleted folder for a bit before being gone forever, so I have upped my game to cancelling things instead.

A lot of these stories are made even more brilliant by the MNrs excellent storytelling abilities

Breastmilk coffee. Mr. Misogynist racist xenophobic Bossman loved it.

Can I add the actions of a friend of mine? Her brother died in his early 20s and she was totally devastated. Her ex took advantage of her vulnerable state and shagged her a few times whilst she was grieving before telling her she was just a shag and he didn't give a bugger about her the cunt

She put posters up all over town with his face on, a la lost cat posters, saying "Don't trust this man, he's a wanker". I was so proud of her!

My DH doesn't drink very much after 9pm as he has a sensitive bladder which can disturb his sleep.

He pissed me right off one evening and I made him a big mug of coffee instead of his normal eggcup size. I was surprised but very smiley when he drank the lot.

He made six trips to the loo during the night and I confessed in the morning.

We look back and laugh on that story; me slightly more so.

Two I can remember.

I used to live with this musician who was lovely but crazy obsessed with his music equipment (understandably) but a total slob about cleaning anywhere else. I once got so fed up I bought two large lifelike plastic turds and laid them carefully on his music equipment. As luck would have it the cat walked in and sat there looking guilty. I could hear boyfriend's shriek from downstairs!

Second thing - very petty. My neighbour is a bit of an old bag who becomes enraged if anyone but her parks outside her house. The whole street is residents parking! I take great pleasure in parking right outside her house, and seeing the curtains twitch as she glares at me. I usually give her a cheerful wave.

Hahaha - love the bin story Mavis

I'm a bit passive aggressive. Once some fuckwit in a BMW darted into a parking space which I had clearly backed up to reverse into. He then smirked at me as he strutted off like a pimp. I walked until he'd gone and let one tyre down. All of them would have been better but I was worried about cc TV and thought I could always claim to be having a sneaky wee if I just crouched in one corner.
Also another fuckwit came out just after we'd parked (on the public highway) effing and blinding for daring to park outside his house when that space was for his visitors. If it's relevant it was two doors down from the undertakers chapel that we were about to attend for my grandfather's funeral service (which was fairly obvious as we were all dressed in black although presumably because of the location the parking issue occurred regularly )My five year old asked "why is that man shouting at us mummy? " and I replied loudly "he's just very upset because God gave him such a SMALL WILLY". I hope his neighbours heard!

This is somebody else, but I briefly worked as a security guard, think 'Night at the museum' rather than shop. There were a lot of us, we had something like 4 fridges just for us. One day each of us were called into the office one by one, there was a problem with people stealing each others milk, it must stop. One of my colleagues response was 'Yes I know, I've been taking my bottle of milk to the toilet and refilling it for quite some time'. And people still kept nicking the milk!

A woman I once worked with would play the same CD constantly all day, every day. It drove me absolutely insane with rage. One day, I got to work early and put a smear of Vaseline on the lens of her cd player so it would stop working. Sadly, though, after a few days of blessed peace, she played the CD on her PC instead and it was even worse as it sounded really tinny.

An unhinged work colleague spread rumours about me and came on to another colleague who was my friend. That other colleague is now my husband and for the record he knocked her right back!

Why MadamDeathstare? Isn't it normal to make a cup of coffee for visitors?

I tipped a glass of piss in my ex's work boots and blamed the cats (sorry cats)

Also couldn't decide if chilli powder or black pepper would be worse in his undies so put both in.

And semi unpicked the seams of his nicest remaining suits (remaining after I gave the rest away to my mates with nice husbands) so that they'd hopefully fall apart round the bum after a couple of hours of being worn

Love the wine postcards one!

Why isn't there an applause emoticon for Mavis

Mine is really silly, but I've done it since I was a self-conscious teenager. If there's someone I don't like or they're mean to me and they have a spot, when I talk to them, I talk TO the spot, on the grounds that you always know and are self conscious if you've got a big throbbing zit!
I now do it automatically, even though my skin isn't bad any more. But I've told my 14 yr old DD about it - pass on the spite!