To think that infertility may have killed my marriage?

[Leavemethefuckalone]

The long and the short of it is that we've been ttc for 6 years. No joy.

Tonight DH has behaved a bit childishly, so have I. Arguing for the sake of arguing really. He has gone to bed. I am up alone, and I don't care that we've argued. I don't care that it's all going wrong. This isn't the life I wanted so I don't care that it's all going tits up around me.

The life I wanted revolved around babies, family. I'm not even sure that I love Dh anymore. Has my thought pattern got skewed by not being able to have a family? Or do I need to think about moving on alone?

Has anyone else gone through this infertility nightmare? Did your marriage survive? Aibu to think that if I don't care anymore and i'm not sure if I even love him, then that's enough of an answer, or is it the grief talking?

You're not too old (even if your DH feels it). DH turned 50 the week we met our girls. Although there are age limits/guides (40 or 45 years age gap between you and the children) it is usually done on the younger of the couple.

You sound like a great couple Op.

Hope the counselling is a useful tool for you. It has been for me at sticky points etc.

Good time for a holiday. Sounds like you both need time out to just chill out together.

Leavemethefuckalone if you would like to ask me about donor eggs or embryos, please do. I don't know why but I did wonder if the stimulation of ovaries may be the problem. In embryo donation (or some call it embryo adoption) he embryo is not you or your husband's genetic child, like in adoption, but you get to carry her/him, you have them from the start of their life.

Playing God is an odd phrase, I don;t find it offensive, and I know people use it solemnities, but it is unusual. For example - we had a daughter by IUI, did we play God by making that sperm and egg meet at the exact time? DD is sitting on the sofa watching TV, I still rule her life a(a bit) at 11, am I playing God. DS was adopted by us almost 2 years ago, he too is on the sofa (Saturday morning TV), did we play God by taking him out of the foster care system and proving him with a family for life? I am a Christian, I believe God could intervene at any time. He chose not to. So I was not playing God, I was assembling a family.

Katedotness1963 congratulations.

But it's about how people feel, and if something feels wrong, logic doesn't come into it.

PS proving him with a family for life? is a cack handed way of saying We are family, he is 100% my son!

Op, might be worth a quick thread on the Adoption board - there's a bunch of posters over there who didn't try IVF first. May be worth hearing their reasoning?

And yes, Adoption is much changed from three years ago, but there are still children being adopted and there are still people being approved and matched. Don't rule yourselves out unnecessarily if you think it could be for you. (Though I still would advocate a total break to recover and grieve. By the time you're ready to proceed, if that's the direction you decide to take, the adoption pendulum may have swung back the other way anyway.)

And adoption has no biological clock

I'm really, really not trying to push you into adoption - it's not right for everyone - and I'd never dream of going onto an infertility thread and saying 'adopt?' Normally, but it helped me so much to grieve for the babies we couldn't have and to quit the relentless misery of trying by knowing that it didn't necessarily mean childless for ever.