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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask friend to ask first?

68 replies

petunia478 · 19/02/2016 16:40

I recently allowed a close friend who lives overseas to order some items online and have them sent to my home, in order to avoid some duty charges that she would have had to pay on them.

I posted them on to her and she thanked me. This week, however, she emailed to say that she was 'using my amazing postal reception service' again, and forwarded me the receipt for an order that she'd already made. I felt very annoyed that she had not asked me permission —of course I would have said yes, but it does create work for me to have to post things on, and she also has not yet reimbursed me for the postage of the original package (something I'd said it was fine for her to do when I see her next, but it adds up). In addition, if no one is home, the package will be sent do a depot which is quite far away.

She then responded by saying that our (long) friendship has been problematic for the last year and that she's not going to 'vent her frustrations' but she 'needs a break'. I feel very hurt by this: I do lend her a hand whenever I can for example, just last week I reviewed some work for her partner, who is trying to change career into the same field as me and I am pretty shocked that she would respond like this to me asking her not to take advantage of my address without checking with me first. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

mumcantmakeadecision · 19/02/2016 16:46

So you say no to something and she throws her toys out of the pram? She is a user. Bin her.

Fatmomma99 · 19/02/2016 16:46

so, you communicated your irritation to her and her response was to say she was going to take a break from you?

Over-reaction much!

How horrible for you. That would make me feel angry/upset/sick to my stomach.

Obvs you won't be forwarding her parcel on to her then (or collecting it from the depot if that's how it works out).

Her loss!

SueLawleyandNicholasWitchell · 19/02/2016 16:53

Rude, objectionable little heifer.

HeadJudgeLen · 19/02/2016 16:55

Tell her to get stuffed! There seem to be so many posters recently with absolutely outrageously cheeky friends. I thank the Lord that I never come across anyone like this in RL.

dustarr73 · 19/02/2016 16:56

Tell her ok and dont accept her parcel.It works both ways.What a user.

Wineandrosesagain · 19/02/2016 16:57

per Fatmomma99 - I would definitely not be accepting the parcel for her AT ALL. What a selfish, using cow. I would also respond with -

"Righto - pity you didn't share your 'frustrations' before I spent time reviewing your partner's work last week, you user. And don't forget to redirect your parcel as I won't be collecting it". Of course that will mean the end to your friendship, but I'd view it as ended anyway.

blindsider · 19/02/2016 17:00

Wow - some people are really touchy aren't they, no time for that drama.

MissFlight · 19/02/2016 17:00

Not 'problematic' enough for her to take advantage of you. Cheeky twat.

OnlyLovers · 19/02/2016 17:16

Yep, a classic toys-out-of-pram scenario.

Does she have nothing better to be affronted about?

And YANBU, obviously.

girlywhirly · 19/02/2016 17:17

If that parcel arrives you can deny all knowledge of it and they can take it back to the depot. After all, you didn't order it.

I wonder if her partner is aware that she has behaved like this? I know I'd be mortified if mine had used a friend like this and not paid them what was owed for postage. Disgusting behaviour, and if it causes a row between them, good, because obviously you won't be able to help the partner any more either will you?

kaitlinktm · 19/02/2016 17:31

"Oh right? Do I presume that during this break you say you need from me, you still want me to do you favours, such as this parcel you have arranged for without checking with me first, as well as the work I reviewed for X?"

I'd love to know what she would say to that!

Cheeky sweep!

rollonthesummer · 19/02/2016 17:34

What?! I can't believe people are so rude!?

Original poster

petunia478 · 19/02/2016 17:41

Thanks, everyone. I really am very surprised and hurt by this, it feels like ti's turn out that our friendship was contingent on me doing favors for her, rather than enjoyment of each other's company.

OP posts:

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/02/2016 17:43

Fuck her. No wonder you're hurt. You've wasted your time on her.

rollonthesummer · 19/02/2016 18:05

Are you going to reply?

MatildaTheCat · 19/02/2016 18:07

This is a case of someone taking the written word the wrong way. You probably just meant it in a kind of 'oi, don't get too cheeky' fashion and she has read it as getting a big snub from her mate. When you critiqued her dh's work did you perhaps inadvertently hurt his feelings?

Communicating but text and email is vastly problematic, I have family across the world and there have been similar misunderstandings.

So do you want to continue the friendship? You start by calling her a close friend. Quite possibly she feels isolated and lonely and may invest in her old friends more than you realise. She is BU but in your shoes I would be the bigger person and follow up with a very considered message explaining that yes, you were a tiny bit surprised but of course you can take her parcels. The posting will have to be when you are next at the PO and would she mind zapping the cash over to you as it was a bit more expensive than you'd thought.

I'm probably older than you and close friends are worth hanging onto even if they are a bit of a pain sometimes. I bet I'm the only one who says that.

Arfarfanarf · 19/02/2016 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CooPie10 · 19/02/2016 18:12

Yanbu, it's funny how she didn't need that 'break' from you when she posted the items the first time.

Original poster

petunia478 · 19/02/2016 18:14

@matildathecat indeed, I did write back to her (before I posted here) to say that I'm sorry if my reaction hurt her feelings, I just wanted her to ask before taking action, and that I didn't think it was something worth end the friendship over! She has not responded. Hence my feeling of dis-ease.

OP posts:

Original poster

petunia478 · 19/02/2016 18:16

@coopie10 yes, it feels very weird to me that this of all things rather than her other "frustrations" has triggered this response, which just feels like she hasn't gotten her way so she's taken it out on me rather than simply agree to warn me ahead of time in future.

OP posts:

BeeppityBeep · 19/02/2016 18:19

Wow, she sounds awful.

Pseudo341 · 19/02/2016 18:21

She is one of life's takers and apparently you're not giving enough so she's punishing you. Don't get drawn into her drama, ignore and move on.

rollonthesummer · 19/02/2016 18:21

Your op doesn't actually say you'd said anything to her about this second order. What did you say? What did you say to her husband about his work? How has your relationship been problematic in the last year? Is there more to this than just the parcel?

magoria · 19/02/2016 18:22

So you will not be accepting her parcels right?

lunar1 · 19/02/2016 18:25

Bloody cheeky cow! What a user, you are well rid. Make sure you get your money back.

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