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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about DH's friend's comments re boozy stag do when I'm 38w?

80 replies

TeamSteady · 18/02/2016 17:44

I am due DS3 in the first week of June.

Unfortunately there are two weddings we cannot go to this year as they fall v close to our due date and are hours and hours away, so we have had to decline. However DH is going to the stag do of one of them in early May. Part of me is a little Hmm as it is a three day affair but it is a close friend and work colleague so I understand.

However, Dh has also been invited to a second stag do around the same time. The groom is not a close friend this time, but someone he worked with about 2 years ago. I think they get on well enough, occasionally meet for drinks a few times per year but not close. He has been invited to the "alternate stag" which will include a wider circle of friends including female friends too. it is being held in central London, where DH and all these people work so easy to get to.

One of the women DH used to work with is organising said stag do and sent an email out asking re dates as she was thinking end of May. DH messaged back and basically said, happy to pop by but I won't be drinking as As Steady will be 38w pregnant then and so I need to be sober and not home late/ in a fit state to rush home if necessary. (DH commutes for work, it would be an hour to get home if he dropped and ran immediately).

She emailed back and said "We can discuss the not drinking and going home early when you get there!

AIBU to want to smack her in the face??! Ok, I admit I am full of raging hormones and it is not the sensible thing or a proportionate response! But really???!! What sensible individual in their 30's (so not some silly teenager) doesn't respect that actually getting off your face and staying out all night is not what you do when you have a heavily pregnant wife and two dc at home?! I have just found it so disrespectful towards me- as if I am some silly nagging wife who is a total bore, when really you'd rather drop her and come and party with us?

DH hasn't responded yet, but didn't seem bothered by the comment, in a kind of, "meh, I'm going to do what i said i would do- what i want to do, and what is the right thing to do, i'm not taking any notice." AIBU to be a little upset that he didn't actually point out what a twunt she was being?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/02/2016 18:13

I think your problem is that you are trying to be a cool wife and keep your mouth shut about how you don't want him to go on the second jolly

In your situation, if I felt very strongly he was taking the piss I would tell him he can go but that he would come home to his family gone

Don't be a martyr. If you don't want him to go...tell him. My H would have just sent his apologies in the first place, tbh

expatinscotland · 18/02/2016 18:17

I'd be more miffed with a person who goes on a stag do when his wife is so late in pregnancy. But then, I don't 'get' hen and stag do's, especially the multi-day shite.

lizzydrippingsghost · 18/02/2016 18:18

i think i would feel the same op probably because it came from a woman. if it was a bloke i'd just think it was banter, but a woman would have me thinking "fuck off and mind your own business"
hormones eh who needs em Grin

Original poster
TeamSteady · 18/02/2016 18:19

AutumnLeaves Dh sent me the email thread so I had the dates/details to put in the diary.

OP posts:
toffeeboffin · 18/02/2016 18:22

Meh.

YABU BUT you are allowed to be.

This woman obviously does not have children.

Your hubby sounds like he has his head screwed on though.

She can go fuck her silly self.

toffeeboffin · 18/02/2016 18:23

This would annoy me beyond belief. Grrr.

Goingtobeawesome · 18/02/2016 18:24

YANBU in my opinion. Jokes are meant to be funny. I thought it was disrespectful and she sounds very young.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 18/02/2016 18:26

YABU and it was just a harmless joke. But you know all that now OP.

I ripped a door off it's hinges during a 'chat' about the right sort of baskets for our first born's (obviously) changing cabinet. I think I also claimed that my DH 'loved the door hinges more than he loved me.'

DH really, really enjoyed that stage of pregnancy.

StableYard · 18/02/2016 18:26

YANBU to be annoyed.

Just hope he isn't pressured into drinking or get's his drinks spiked

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 18/02/2016 18:28

She can go fuck her silly self

She does deserve a smack

Ffs.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 18/02/2016 18:32

Quite Manhattan

Original poster
TeamSteady · 18/02/2016 18:34

First Grin

A few weeks ago I cried when he had said he would go and get me a mcmuffin breakfast but got there just as they had finished the breakfast menu...

I think I am well into hormonal "everything is a million times worse than it is" territory.

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 18/02/2016 18:35

Agreed Manhattan.

Duckdeamon · 18/02/2016 18:37
Grin
wigglesrock · 18/02/2016 18:39

For the love of God I really think you're overreacting, pregnant or not. If you don't want him to go, tell him that, don't get arsey about a joke that you don't find funny.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 18/02/2016 18:42

This woman obviously does not have children.

How would you have any idea either way!

Nottodaythankyouorever · 18/02/2016 18:45

She can go fuck her silly self.

Delightful Hmm

Bogeyface · 18/02/2016 18:49

Is he actually going to the stag do or is he just calling in after work for a quick drink with the groom and then heading home?

The former is a bit of a piss take after a 3 day jolly just a couple of weeks earlier, the latter is a total non issue.

However the silly woman needs to stop making stupid comments like that, I wouldnt want him to go at all after that in case she took it into her head to spike his drink.

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 18/02/2016 18:51

Nipping out for a quick lime soda after work with a mixed group of mates who you don't get to see that often is not unreasonable even when your DW is 38 weeks.

Deep breath and a mug of herbal tea OP, and lay down the law that he will be up early on toddler wrangling duty for several weekends while you sleep in until 11am if you so fancy.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 18/02/2016 18:51

I wouldnt want him to go at all after that in case she took it into her head to spike his drink.

Good grief. Mumsnet ridiculousness at it's finest! Woman sends a blindingly obvious joke message, therefore she will spike your husband's drink. What a load of guff.

AnUtterIdiot · 18/02/2016 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 18/02/2016 19:01

Good grief. Mumsnet ridiculousness at it's finest! Woman sends a blindingly obvious joke message, therefore she will spike your husband's drink. What a load of guff.

I agree

kali110 · 18/02/2016 19:02

don't agree! Get bloody sick of that line 'he obviously doesn't have any kids' why, because she made a joke? My friends make jokes like this and shockhorror, they have kids!!!!
If the guy did have anything to drink it still wouldn't b her fault.
Op knows she was a bit ott but she's had. Bad pregnancy, what's everybody elses excuse for the nasty comments about a woman who hasn't done anything?
Love how all i ever read on here is that people, especially men need to stop saying nasty things to women, yet look what's been said on this thread Shock

BooptheHoop · 18/02/2016 19:02

She probably wondered why on earth he felt it necessary to mention he wasn't drinking. He could have just gone and not drunk without mentioning it! I really can't stand that pregnancy is used as an excuse for so many things. Along the same lines as the threads that go 'found out I'm pregnant now can I get out of every social event I've been invited to this year' slight exaggeration

kali110 · 18/02/2016 19:03

Seriously, she'd spike his drink? Is this an alternative universe?