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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be quite excited DH is going away for a week?

140 replies

LeggyBlondeNE · 18/02/2016 10:40

Because I am. He's just given me his full travel itinerary and I'm actually both giddy with excitement and kinda disappointed I'm not going to get a full weekend to 'myself' as part of it.

Don't get me wrong, I quite like him most of the time. But I love these weeks where it's just me and the kids - I can cook couscous and veg for tea and no one complains they're being starved; I can sit and write of an evening and no one complains they're being ignored; I can spend Saturday going to the supermarket and doing jobs round the house while the kids play with no one complaining that it's boring; I can have a friend over for coffee (while the kids still play) and no one complains that it's intruding on family time.

The short version is that although DH and I make for excellent dinner partners and have an awesome time when we're off on our own together, our expectations of family domesticity are wildly different (none of which was remotely obvious before we had kids).

And so I'm super excited and I can't tell anyone because he'd only get upset.

But only three sleeps!

OP posts:

CharleyDavidson · 19/02/2016 21:17

I often make what I fancy for dinner. In fact, DH eats at odd times due to working early-ish hours and isn't usually hungry when I make the dinner for me and the kids. I always make enough for him, but if he doesn't want it or has made something for himself then I will have it as seconds leftovers instead. He's a toast fiend and I hardly ever eat bread.

That said: he NEVER goes out. Not even for a works Christmas do. He is a quiet and quite shy person who doesn't like change or trying new things. He's been offered to go with me on so many things, with or without the kids and he invariably says no. His loss. It doesn't stop me going and doing stuff I want to do.

I teach and have lots more days off than him, so do get 'me' time in the days before he's back from work mid-afternoon.

I agree with it all being about the lack of having to compromise that's the joy of it. I can read without having to decamp to my bed away from the noise of the telly. And can watch stuff that he doesn't really like. I usually mnet because he's watching stuff I don't, but feel that I should still be in the same room as him for company.

ILoveTFIFriday · 19/02/2016 21:36

I like it when my dh goes away for the weekend as then he's not there to moan when the kids co-sleep in our bed. I secretly love it when the kids sleep in our bed, they're so cute and cuddly. Lovely, squishy cuddles in the morning.

FannyFanakapan · 19/02/2016 21:39

My dh works away monday to thursday. Monday morning i change the bedding...lovely clean sheets, and the duvet, amazingly, stays pretty much where it was for the next couple of nights.

SanityAssassin · 19/02/2016 22:00

Oh god I had 3 years of weekend only husband - was bliss! Now hes here full time and he's one of those that needs company whilst I prefer my own company and thoughts. I miss those 3 years :)

chelseabuns2013 · 20/02/2016 08:19

Seems a bit old fashioned to me, maybe I'm selfish but I couldn't give a fig if my husband complains about me not giving him attention get over it, I'm not a pet! Some men behave like giant babies, my husband is not deluded enough to think any power he has over people at work is transferred to the home and that makes for a balanced relationship. We eat at the table because we think it's important for our children and we don't want to get our sofa dirty.

liz70 · 20/02/2016 09:10

Definitely NU. DH has been away in France working since Monday, back tomorrow night. I like the time to myself too. The older two DDs can take care of themselves largely, and DD3 (six) is a breeze, really, too.

Last night was spent eating a TV dinner of red wine, left over pizza (from the DD's tea earlier), salad and trifle, whilst watching Dalziel and Pascoe DVDs. Heaven.

murmuration · 20/02/2016 09:30

But it's not about someone complaining, it's about being considerate. One of things I'm dissapointed about my husband not taking his trip, is I was thinking of making one of my special meals - he not only doesn't like eating it, but it makes the whole house smell like it when I cook it, and makes everything taste a little bit like it for hours afterwards, and thus makes him feel a bit ill. Yes, every once and a while I do tell him I'd really like to eat this, to give him a chance to eat first, or plan to spend time back in his office or something, but I try not to discomfit him such often. Similarly, he has fragrance sensitivities, and so I don't use scented candles in the bath as it will give him a headache if I do. But if he's away, I can and the scent will be gone by the time it returns.

If a partner just did whatever they wanted, knowing it would be making the other person feel ill or get a headache, and said something like 'I can do whatever I want, it doesn't matter that it bothers you', MN would be clamoring that the partner was an inconsiderate jerk!

Cirsium · 20/02/2016 13:52

DH has just started doing mainly day shifts after 2 years of nights. Loving having DD and the house all to myself during the day. The house is so much tidier and there is less faffing about. Really missing my peaceful evenings though. He's doing a shift tonight and I can't wait.

I offended him recently by showing him a couple of 'if we won the lottery houses' which would enable him to have his own flat within the house. I think it would be perfect, he could decorate in his own mismatched, doleful style, have trailing technology everywhere and leave it as messy as he wanted without me moaning but pop through to mine and the kids lovely, bright, tidy, co-ordinated home whenever he wanted.

SerafinaScoresby · 21/02/2016 03:08

Loving this thread! DP has spent 4 years doing late shifts in the week, not getting home until about half 11 each night, so most weekday evenings I would have the house to myself/me and DS. At the start of the year he switched to day shifts, meaning he's home by 6 everyday. It's been quite an adjustment getting used to having him around (what feels like) all the time!

Original poster

LeggyBlondeNE · 22/02/2016 14:43

Well I didn't manage to put off grandma but just as well since one of the DC is now ill (one of them was ill last time he went away too, I'm just not getting my usual lovely weekends this year!)

theycallmemellojello You're right that there are ongoing frustrations, but I think it's mostly revolving around his lack of outside interests and to be honest, there's nothing more I can do to try and promote that. It'll mostly all resolve itself in a couple more years when the kids no longer want to spend all weekend with us anyway...!

OP posts:

Rainbunny · 22/02/2016 17:58

My dh travels for a few days every now and then, he's going away for 4 days next month and I can't wait! We get along really well - a good thing since our flat is bloody tiny , I swear our flat feels twice as big when it's just me. I get great sleep but paradoxically I really miss DH tossing and turning in bed at the same time.

AcrossthePond55 · 22/02/2016 18:29

Well, my DH is due home in about 4 hours after being away for 7 days. I'll be glad to have him back, but will miss the 'quiet'.

Enjoy it, everyone!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 22/02/2016 18:41

I love my DH to bits and we have a very happy life together, love going away together too but when he goes off for his annual 2 weeks away in October I love it, even though I miss not having him around to chat to. Bliss is going to bed early in clean sheets and reading for as long as I want, being happy switching on the bedside lamp if I wake up and fancy reading without disturbing him. Eating what and when I like without having to wonder about cooking for him too, even though he cooks too I somehow feel I need to plan food that suits everyone. DS1 is still at home but often goes away for weekends so I have some company when I want it. The house stays neater when its just me, I watch all sorts of crap on TV without guilt, not that he cares much what I watch except for the occasional eyeroll, but somehow it feels nice to live alone for a bit and we appreciate each other more when he gets home.

Brokenbiscuit · 22/02/2016 18:51

My DH will be going away for two and a half weeks from next weekend. I'll be honest, I do like it when he is away. Life seems so much simpler when it's just me and dd!

Will be glad to see him back again when he does return, but won't be pining in his absence.

Wardrobespierre · 22/02/2016 18:54

DH is away for a week atm and as an introvert, I cherish the chance to nurture myself alone without reference to what is best for the family unit.

It's not about an inherent malaise in the relationship or an inability to be myself but we all wear different hats. We have work and partners and families and friends and part of being a considerate participant in those roles is considering the impact of your actions on your companions and situation. Sometimes, the opportunity to solely consider your own impulses is inordinately freeing. And so necessary.

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