Is it fair to be expected to pay half her Mortgage?

[Tophat72]

Hi there. I'm looking for some impartial comment on what has become a huge issue between my partner and me.

We are both divorcees but although with similar salaries, have very different financial commitments. I have two children I am financially responsible for while she is childless and comfortably well off. She has her own large home and only has 5 years left to pay on her mortgage. I lost my house in my financial settlement with my ex.

I live with my partner in her home. Before moving in with her, I had to sign a legal agreement acknowledging that I have no claim whatsoever on any percentage of the house in the event of our separation. The house is hers and hers alone. Furthermore, I am not catered for in any way in her will. Should she die, the house and her entire estate goes to her sister and nephew...

My partner believes that all the household expenses, including her mortgage payments, should be split 50-50 between us. I however am adamant that given the circumstances, I should not be contributing towards the purchase of her house and I am only prepared to pay for my share of the other household bills (utilities, council tax, groceries etc)

This has become a huge bone of contention between us and sadly things are looking terminal.

Her position is that paying half of her outstanding mortgage should be looked upon by me as paying a modest rent as if she were my landlady. She also quite rightly points out that I am still living very cheaply and if I were to get a place of my own my monthly outgoings would be well over twice what I currently pay her. She feels that I earn the same as her and live under the same roof so I should pay the same.

From my perspective, I have absolutely no objection to going 50-50, but only if she is prepared to afford me some kind of proportionate security or stake in the house in the event of our separation or her death. I don't see why I should contribute 50% towards the ongoing purchase of a capital investment that I have a 0% share in. I feel as though she wants to have her cake and eat it, keeping everything to herself while expecting me to pay for an equal share of, well nothing.

I've tried to write this as objectively as I can. Obviously her friends and family support her position and my friends and family mine. For my own peace of mind, I would be really keen to read the thoughts of a truly neutral observer. Cheers

Only options I see are:

1: Leave and don't look back, lucky escape. Get your own mortgage and have some security. Look to get some money back off her if you really want to, potentially the piece of paper you signed could be unenforceable, but could get quite costly.

2: Look to see if you can buy a percentage of the house off of your partner, including the remaining "mortgage" payments, and request you have leave to stay there if she dies before you, then whatever is left over will be passed onto her sister etc if you sell, or when you die.

3: Ask her to sell her house and/or put in 50:50 on a new house, she can then do whatever she wants with her house (or remaining equity if she sells), but you'll have a house you both own half of.

Either way I wouldn't be left without a safety net, she's already been quite cold and calculating in ensuring that she is purposefully leaving you with no safety net. Just can't imagine myself being in a relationship with someone who behaves like that, she's essentially saying "when I die, fuck you, thanks for the ride, and thanks for helping me pay off my mortgage, good luck on the streets, chump"

It's more likely that the agreement he signed is a standard requirement of the mortgage company and nothing at all to do with being calculating

It is a good thread as it should make people think about these issues and far too many move in and then lose a lot of money which in practice means their chidlren suffer so in effect by not considering the issues they have put their lust above the good of their children.

It also depends on your life stage. I have had my children and I have a pretty valuable house which after 30 years of full time work and lots of effort I have paid off the mortgage on. That is not going to any man at all. Now if we both had a house of similar value I can see a fair relationship being set up but even so I would want 100% of my assets going to my children,n ot the man at this stage of my life.

Fascinating thread.
OP I would run a mile from her, she is stitching you up. You are currently a lodger she has sex with.
Get out and get yourself set up in a place where you can start to build yourself a future.

OP, I am curious - you have been together four years and your youngest DC is five. So separation and divorce must have happened fairly soon after his or her birth. Did you have a rental property before moving in with your now partner? In other words, how long have you been living together actually? Does she have DC and what role do you play in their lives? In other words, is this actually a blending family arrangement or is she actually a bit that you are still there? Why did you sign an agreement and now expect that to change? Surely it would have been better to keep renting till there was common understanding about the relationship moving forward?

Confused here.

I would pay but call it rent.

I'm curious to know what the case would be if the mortgage was already paid off and it was just the bills to pay - what would be the stance then?

The biggest benefit to the OP, of course, is that her sizeable house makes it easy for him to accommodate his children for two days in ten. However, her lack of interest in the children and her lack of desire to entangle herself with him financially indicates strongly to me that she sees this as a convenient sexual relationship and a bit of companionship for the time being, not a strong, long term emotional commitment. If he became ill and/or lost his job and couldn't help pay the bills, or even heaven forbid needed some support, there is nothing to suggest she would not just ask him to leave, as he would no longer be convenient. If she got ill and needed some support, then he would have to be very generous to help her and cover her mortgage costs without gaining any equity in the house, rather than drop her like a stone and move out. I hope they both have good, separate insurance policies, savings and investments to fall back on, as they are not in a set up where either should expect anything from the other, whether financial, emotional or physical.

I am a proud, decent man who has always paid his way.

Can you explain, then, why you think you should live in her house rent-free?

Clam, can you explain where precisely you believe OP has suggested he should live there rent-free?

OP go and get some professional legal advice.

Alaslas

1) buying his own place
He has already got one mortgage he is paying how do you suggest he does this (and when his Partner comes to stay should he be asking for a contribution to his mortgage on that place?

2) renting his own place

The point is they seemingly want to be together so this will add to all the bills not just the housing issue.

3) renting out his current home and renting elsewhere with partner

He doesn't have a current home his ex wife has that.

4) buying a BTL and using that return on investment for himself/kids

See point 1
5) finding an alternative legal solution both parties can agree to

That is the best course of action but it seems that the OP's P is pretty intransigent.

blind

Where does he say he is already paying one mortgage? He says he lost his house in the settlement with his ex not that he is still paying the mortgage on it.

Can you explain, then, why you think you should live in her house rent-free?

He isn't but if he is helping her buy her house by paying half the mortgage he should have recognition of his contribution. The OP isn't claiming half the house should be his just the proportion he has paid for. His P would be paying the full mortgage whether he was there or not.

If he bought a separate house should his partner have to pay half his mortgage too??

needasock

Where does he say he is already paying one mortgage?

He is being expected to pay half of his P's mortgage that is one, he may also still be paying a mortgage on the house his DC live in, that wasn't made clear in the OP

Yes but if he was not expecting to benefit from his girl friend owning a house he would also be paying rent elsewhere.

Why is it not ok for the homeowner to benefit but perfectly ok for the none home owner to do so?

One would have thought if he was still paying for his old house he would have mentioned it.

Nothing says 'I love you' like a trip to the solicitors to find out how you can claim a stake in her house!

If you told her you wanted to put your money towards a place of your own, so you had security, do you think she would be receptive to that, given that under the terms of your current agreement (which you willingly signed) you would have to move out should anything happen to her.
Perhaps she hasn't really thought that through - people don't like to consider their own mortality too much.

I think in reality you are paying less than you would in a private rent, which would also not be especially secure. Do you think you could even get another mortgage (not sure if you are still paying for your ex 's house)? Theses are things to weigh up when considering whether you are better or worse off with the current arrangement.

Your dp is probably thinking that if you live in her house and only contribute to the bills, you are benefitting from her while having your own money to invest. It isn't her fault that you've got dc to pay for.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. A lot of others have compared this to a rental agreement with a private landlord, but it is just not the same. The house is hers that she has been paying off for some years, when paid off she has 100% ownership of it. If you were not in the picture she would have to pay it herself. What a landlord is doing with their rental income is none of your concern. You pay the rent or you are evicted. I feel here that she is trying to benefit from the situation. If she feels that she needs a 'rent' from you I would suggest that you place it into a savings account for both of you to use at a later date as opposed to putting it towards her mortgage.