Is it fair to be expected to pay half her Mortgage?

[Tophat72]

Hi there. I'm looking for some impartial comment on what has become a huge issue between my partner and me.

We are both divorcees but although with similar salaries, have very different financial commitments. I have two children I am financially responsible for while she is childless and comfortably well off. She has her own large home and only has 5 years left to pay on her mortgage. I lost my house in my financial settlement with my ex.

I live with my partner in her home. Before moving in with her, I had to sign a legal agreement acknowledging that I have no claim whatsoever on any percentage of the house in the event of our separation. The house is hers and hers alone. Furthermore, I am not catered for in any way in her will. Should she die, the house and her entire estate goes to her sister and nephew...

My partner believes that all the household expenses, including her mortgage payments, should be split 50-50 between us. I however am adamant that given the circumstances, I should not be contributing towards the purchase of her house and I am only prepared to pay for my share of the other household bills (utilities, council tax, groceries etc)

This has become a huge bone of contention between us and sadly things are looking terminal.

Her position is that paying half of her outstanding mortgage should be looked upon by me as paying a modest rent as if she were my landlady. She also quite rightly points out that I am still living very cheaply and if I were to get a place of my own my monthly outgoings would be well over twice what I currently pay her. She feels that I earn the same as her and live under the same roof so I should pay the same.

From my perspective, I have absolutely no objection to going 50-50, but only if she is prepared to afford me some kind of proportionate security or stake in the house in the event of our separation or her death. I don't see why I should contribute 50% towards the ongoing purchase of a capital investment that I have a 0% share in. I feel as though she wants to have her cake and eat it, keeping everything to herself while expecting me to pay for an equal share of, well nothing.

I've tried to write this as objectively as I can. Obviously her friends and family support her position and my friends and family mine. For my own peace of mind, I would be really keen to read the thoughts of a truly neutral observer. Cheers

I think the fact that you would be booted out if she died would make it terminal for me. How can you build a life together?

I think unless you've been divorced and gone through dividing assets you'll struggle to understand her position.

i can see why she would want to feel secure but I also think given she was paying mortgage before you met that you should pay less.

I would want to buy a small home and rent it out for security if anything happened. Exactly in the way she is. Then you contribute towards bills and food. Then if you split up you have both paid your way and got bricks out of it.

If you are not in position to pay hers and yours then I would be expecting you to pay a smaller % towards hers. I can't see in a good relationship why she woulnt understand the need for your financial security especially given you have children.

I'm surprised by the number of people who think she should allow him to live there for free.

The OP has been through a divorce and dividing assets... He recognises a mercenary position when he sees one. She is so intent on protecting her assets that she will happily hang him out to dry.

some people need to look up the term cocklodger

Oysterbabe, he wouldn't be living there for free even if he stopped paying half the mortgage. He is paying half of all bills, even though things like electricity and gas usage, for instance, won't have doubled just because he's there, and he's also paying things like half the council tax and water rates.

I don't think she should let him live there for free, I think she should recognise that his contributions to paying off the mortgage should count towards a share in the ownership of the house... Either that, or she should draw up a tenancy agreement...

It's not fair to pay half the mortgage. Nor is it fair to not pay any 'rent'.

I think it would be fair to:
1 - pay half bills and half the interest cost of the mortgage ie an amount for 'rent'. So if her repayments are £1000 a month you can work out what is interest and what is capital repayment - check last years mortgage settlement and average it out. Say it's £600 capital and £400 interest you'd pay £200.

2 - agree a nominal amount for rent.

3 - move out and get your own place.

Her position is that paying half of her outstanding mortgage should be looked upon by me as paying a modest rent as if she were my landlady. She also quite rightly points out that I am still living very cheaply and if I were to get a place of my own my monthly outgoings would be well over twice what I currently pay her. She feels that I earn the same as her and live under the same roof so I should pay the same

She is treating you as a lodger. She should ask no more than what she would charge a lodger. A lodger would not pay half what the house would command if let on the open market. In a let situation 2 tenants are free to do what they like - a lodger isn't.

A share of ownership when she's only got five years left on the mortgage?! Bullshit. She's paid off the huge majority of the house of course she's not going to let herself be held to ransom by somebody owning a part of that. I contributed equally on my exes house for a couple of years when I moved in, it was his and stayed his when I moved out, I'd had cheap accommodation for a couple of years. If I'd married him then it would have been different, finances would have then merged.

OP YABU and grabby. It's not her fault you were left with nothing from your ex and you are not entitled to her assets.

Whilst I think you should pay your waY, so have the bills and rent, I think you should be allocated time in the will. So for example you should be written into the will giving you two - three years of living in the house should your dp die

I do think she is being mercenary. As others say electricity, gas and water bills won't double just because OP is there. On Council tax as a single person she would get the very small single person deduction. Now he pays half.

Pay her rent (i.e. half the mortgage, as you do take up half the space) and save up to buy your own place. I agree with her.

"Share" could be as much or as little as reflects the contribution the OP has made to the property, both in terms of time and finances. He seems like a sensible fella, he hasn't said anywhere that he wants half the house. More like he wants a modest % of the value or the right to live there should she die unexpectedly OR agreement that he should stop paying 'his' hollow laugh half of the mortgage. After at least four years together (probably a few years in excess- she seems like a cautious individual) that's not a big ask, and her refusal to consider it says more about her than it does about him for asking.

Actually, that's true - he shouldn't have to pay rent as though he's a tenant, as tenants don't have to live with their landlords.

This does not sound like an equal and committed relationship. I don't think you should be paying her mortgage, you should be paying towards bills and maintenance while you live there, or paying towards a share of the property and some security should she pass before you.

I agree with pp - the issue here is with equity, she has plenty, you have none and you are putting yourself in a somewhat precarious position as a result. I understand why you feel uncomfortable. In your situation, assuming she is not prepared to co-buy with you in a 50/50 share (and frankly she does not seem 'into' the relationship enough to enter that type of arrangement based on your posts/her lack of engagement in your life and DC) I would do whatever it takes to buy my own place, including moving out.

I think unless you've been divorced and gone through dividing assets you'll struggle to understand her position.

I have, and i still think that she is being unreasonable.

I totally understand her not wanting to give up her security or her investment, but the way she wants to do that is at a massive cost to the OPs financial security and that simply isnt fair.

Either they move into a new place together and start over, with her investing her money/property to leave to her family, or he moves out and buys his own place.

The simple fact is that it isnt ok for her to feather her own nest at the cost of his and his childrens security.

OP you are a lodger, which I don't think is on when you're in a relationship with someone. Then again I don't think you should be setting your sights on her house in the way you are, why should you come along and just have a share? You'd have to pay rent wherever you lived. I think 50% is a bit much however, and can't understand why you agreed to that in the 1st place

You seem to want this lady to cover what you lost materially from your ex.

You're both on a decent salary? Well then if your relationship could stand it - take your eyes off her home, and either buy a home jointly with her (but don't tell or expect her to sell her current home, let her do what she chooses with it - its hers) or, go and buy yourself a smaller property to live in

If you can't/won't do any of the above then the writing's on the wall for your relationship anyway - at which stage you will have to find your own place to live, won't you? So why not put something in place anyway?

I agree with others, why should she subsidize your living arrangement at a financial cost to herself?

Why is it a financial cost to her, Lea? If he wasn't living with her she'd be paying all her bills in full. Plus she wouldn't get the benefit of any cleaning, maintenance etc he does around the house and garden.

No, you are paying a proportion of the rent that's it. If you moved into Sparerooms.com you wouldn't expect to own a percentage of the house you lived in. Get a grip, tbh I feel you are pimping off her.

Get a grip, bigredballoon, if he moved into Sparerooms.com he would have a right to exclusive use of a room of his own, he wouldn't be expected to help with cooking, washing up, maintenance of the property etc, and he wouldn't be expected to pay extra towards household bills.

for heaven's sake, get your own place and then see where your r/s stands.

If he hadn't signed the agreement before moving in with the OP, his contributions would count as going towards a share in the equity, legally speaking, given that she has made it clear that his contributions are paying off half the mortgage each month. So she is trying to rip him off by trying to avoid that fact. Just because they are cohabiting unmarried, it doesn't mean she is avoiding legal battles and nastiness by being mercenary about it.

Why is it a financial cost to her, Lea?

The OP wants part of her equity. That's a financial cost to her.

I'm surprised by the number of people who think she should allow him to live there for free.

Who said he should? Its just that I and many others feel that him paying half the mortgage of his life partner should mean something more than just rent. If they are still together when the mortgage is paid off, then he will have paid 9 years worth of contributions, thats not chicken feed. But he and his children can be kicked out at a moments notice and he is not going to be left a penny in her will.

some people need to look up the term cocklodger
How is he a cocklodger?! He is paying half of everything, including the mortgage at the moment, hardly cocklodger territory.

A share of ownership when she's only got five years left on the mortgage?! Bullshit. She's paid off the huge majority of the house of course she's not going to let herself be held to ransom by somebody owning a part of that.

No, it will be 9 years that he has contributed, not 5. Yes she has paid the majority but he has still paid toward 9 years of payments. He will basically be wiping out 4.5 years worth of payments for her, and based on a monthly mortgage payment of £500 a months, thats £27,000. And for that he gets nothing. Not a 20% share in the house (which is roughly what 4.5 years equates to), not a right to live there after she dies, no protection if she decides she wants him out tomorrow....nothing.