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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was in the wrong but blooming heck! (half term related)

101 replies

Andthentherewasmum · 15/02/2016 14:42

Firstly I'll start off by saying I was in the wrong. Get it out there from the get go.

I was queuing in a coffee shop and there was a woman in front with what I thought was three children, they all seemed to talking to each other. Woman puts in order and moves away to collect it. Woman at the till looks at me and I give her what I want to buy and hand her the cash. As I'm getting the change a man comes up annoyed and says 'my daughter was in front of you' ( child who must have been about 12 had moved away by this point). I look around say (really nicely) I'm so sorry I thought she was with the lady in front' I collect my change and go over and speak to them (they are literally sat right by the till). I say to the girl and her father I'm really sorry I thought you were with the lady in front. Why don't you go now there's no one there. Dad is placated and wind is out of his sails and joins in saying why don't you go now. We are both being nice and encouraging.

The girl (I kid you not) is sat there arms folded, lip out, refusing to speak, proper tantrum posture. Think Veronica Salt.

Aibu to think that 12ish is a bit old for this sort of behaviour? I was wrong I apologised but clearly it wasn't enough for this kid!

There's no way she was younger than this, she might have been older in fact.

I actually walked away feeling a bit baffled. I'm sure my parents would not have allowed me to sulk like that at that age. My friend's children who are the same age don't behave like that. Have I been leading a sheltered life???

Such a small incident but got me thinking!

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 15/02/2016 15:06

To avoid this kind of thing, if there is half a chance that someone else is before me in a queue, I always ask if they are queuing first. Most of the time it's 'oh no waiting for something/one' so I go ahead. I ask no matter the age of the person in front as I hate queue jumping and wouldn't want to inadvertently do it myself.

TheFairyCaravan · 15/02/2016 15:08

The cashier was rude to overlook the girl. It annoys me when people do that to children, how difficult is it to ask "are you together?" Or "are you waiting?"

I know you didn't mean to jump the queue, but it probably happens to the poor kid all the bloody time.

diddl · 15/02/2016 15:08

You accidentally queue jumped & apologised.

I don't think that you should have been trying to get her to go though.

I'd have been mortified if a stranger did that to me.

That added to the upset of being queue jumped after it taking all my courage to be in the queue alone!

The woman at the till wasn't paying attention either!

I guess the girl walked away when she was ignored by the woman serving?

Clare1971 · 15/02/2016 15:08

BitOutOfPractice Really? You need to post about OP posting about this??
Clare1971 Really? You need to post about someone needing to post....Wink

Topseyt · 15/02/2016 15:08

Just walk off and ignore the teenage strop. Give it no more headspace.

Hopefully Dad gave her a bollocking when they got home later.

mellicauli · 15/02/2016 15:11

I don't think it was to do with you. Imagine the scene:

"She just pushed in front of me!"
"Really! That's terrible behaviour. "
"Don't say anything. It doesn't matter"
"No you can't let people get away with this sort of thing"
"Please, please don't say anything. You'll just make a scene. It is so embarrassing. I'll just go up there now".
"No, no not another word. I am going to sort this out right now".

He goes over there. You came and say sorry. She sulked at him because she just wanted to moan that she'd been unfairly treated and him to empathize. She didn't really want him to do anything about it.

Justifiable sulking in that scenario, I think.

Original poster
Andthentherewasmum · 15/02/2016 15:12

She had moved away when the cashier looked at me so I assumed she was following the woman in front.

Seems like a minor thing to post about ( bit I'll get your permission next time shall I Hmm) but it got me thinking about growing up and the expectations on kids these days. I know my parents would have said 'did you say you were next? Well now you know what to do so go up there and get your drink'.

OP posts:
diddl · 15/02/2016 15:12

The girl might not have been having a strop!

I'm a shortarse & being overlooked like that I would have been fighting back the tears.

I once went into a pub with my husband, sat down & when my husband went to the bar he was told "we don't serve children"

I was in my bloody thirties!

Sparklingbrook · 15/02/2016 15:14

Nothing would have got DS1 to say he was next in a queue of adults at a till when he was 12.

It's quite funny now though because he's 16 and he has a job in retail- on the till. They get there in the end. Grin

5madthings · 15/02/2016 15:16

My ds2(13) would look stroppy like this and prob would be annoyed, he has asc and would struggle with a situation like this.

She was maybe embarrassed at having the queue jumping pointed out as other posters have suggested or she is just being 12 whatever really not a big deal.

overwhelmed34 · 15/02/2016 15:18

It's quite possible she was upset with her dad, and not you. And even if she was, 12/13 is not an easy age. Raging hormones, selfconsciousness etc..I would give her the benefit of the doubt and relax knowing that you set her a good example of how to deal with a genuine mistake..

BipBippadotta · 15/02/2016 15:19

I imagine this girl wasn't sulking so much as frozen to the spot with embarrassment, and any anger she might have had was directed at her dad for having made a completely unnecessary scene about who was before whom in the queue. Classic embarrassing dad behaviour.

EweAreHere · 15/02/2016 15:20

My almost 9 year old was recently ignored by cashiers at a McDs. I think they genuinely didn't realize he was waiting to order another carton of milk. I watched from our table as he reached the front of a line that fed in to several cashiers, and they just never addressed him while he stood there! I went over and had a quiet word, pointing out the money in his hand and that he was patiently waiting to place his order. Then I left him to it.

They were so embarrassed, they gave him the milk and refused his money. He was delighted!

GreatFuckability · 15/02/2016 15:22

my oldest is 12. She swings between being a lovely, reasonable almost-adult like person and a stroppy, belligerent pain in my arse. and that change can happen in seconds. I dont think even she knows why sometimes. shes a ball of hormones and stress. You apologised, just move on and be glad you aren't that age anymore. I know I am!

Original poster
Andthentherewasmum · 15/02/2016 15:27

Thanks for the feedback. In the grand scheme of things it's not a big thing but just got me thinking.

Btw the sulk was in full swing before I went over, I say went over they were right next to the till and the dad had made eye contact with me so I was kind of committed to going over at that point or would have looked like I snubbed them.

You are right she could have had a number of issues surrounding social awkwardness that could have played a part. But you know how you weigh up a situation very quickly and get a conclusion? Well my gut feeling was divorced dad. He had that look about him.

OP posts:
JeanneDeMontbaston · 15/02/2016 15:29

It was a mistake, but she's only little. 12 isn't very old. And, you know, she may have thought that being quiet and sitting up straight is the polite response. Or she may have felt - not your fault - that you and her dad were both telling her she'd been less than grown-up, and she may have been upset.

There's far too many possibilities, and surely there always are with children that age? We treat them like adults, but that's for them, not for us.

Just put it out of your mind and carry on.

IguanaTail · 15/02/2016 15:34

Just be glad that girl isn't your full time problem!

OhYouLuckyDuck · 15/02/2016 15:35

She's possibly got hormones all over the place.

witsender · 15/02/2016 15:37

Meh, she's 12 and learning how to 'adult' in public. I wouldn't take it as any reflection on her or how she had been brought up and wouldn't still be thinking about it. Sulking isn't the end of the world.

poppiesanddaisies · 15/02/2016 15:37

I can TOTALLY see why she behaved as she did!

It's not your fault OP, but both you and her dad were treating her like an eight year old encouraging her to go and order - she was embarrassed not horrible I bet Flowers

poppiesanddaisies · 15/02/2016 15:38

What does a divorced dad look like?

CremeEggThief · 15/02/2016 15:39

YABU to start a thread on it. You shouldn't have thought any more about it after you apologised.

witsender · 15/02/2016 15:40

'He had that look about him?'
A) how does someone look divorced
B) why is that relevant

IguanaTail · 15/02/2016 15:41

What does a divorced dad look like? Like any dad with a teenage daughter I guess.

Slightly awkward with forced, set up coffee shop contact with slightly shy, possibly annoyed teen daughter, who would rather be in bed/whatsapping friends/ going shopping with buddy than hanging out with dad, but feels horribly guilty for thinking that. Not a brilliant set up for a relaxing and chatty morning.

LaContessaDiPlump · 15/02/2016 15:42

I would imagine a divorced dad looks a bit like a man who's having a slight panic over the fact that his child is unhappy and that he's the only adult present and so needs to fix it but isn't sure how and ARGH. Add in an opposite-sex child for extra potential-getting-it-wrong-ness and you have the op's description.

I understand why you posted op, I'd be wondering if I'd breached some huge social rule or committed a faux pas other than the original one if someone responded to me like that!

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