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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to expect nanny to do dd1 washing while I'm on Mat leave with dd2

70 replies

sun85 · 13/02/2016 20:46

We've had the same nanny for over 2 years now. It never really bothered me before but she doesn't do any of dd1 washing - she'll fold up dry washing that I've done but has never put a load on. Last week I found her swimsuit in laundry basket after she had taken dd1 swimming. She's great with the kids but terrible at any household stuff. There isn't a lot to do as we have a cleaner as well.
Also thoughts on whether fish fingers/scrambled egg suppers are sufficient every night or should she be cooking something 'proper' for dd1?
In general I guess my question is how many times do you ask someone to do something before you throw in the towel? And how important is washing etc compared to being good with the kids? Thanks mummas xx

OP posts:

Believeitornot · 13/02/2016 20:49

No those meals are not acceptable and yes she should be doing the washing.

You need to talk to her.

BYOSnowman · 13/02/2016 20:50

I have a nanny housekeeper now but when we had just a nanny she would do the kids washing if she had time (I work part time and I expected her to do things with the kids in priority to staying home doing washing). She also changed their bed sheets. I always left her a meal plan

In your case, I would tell her the things you expect her to do - such as a number of loads of dd's washing if she is at home for a few hours

BYOSnowman · 13/02/2016 20:52

I assume this was all being done before you went on maternity leave? If so, you need to remind her of the things she is responsible for

I'm probably a little more controlling about food so always left a list of what I want them to have each night/lunch and discuss with my nanny if there is something she would rather cook etc

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 13/02/2016 20:53

Hi, I am a nanny to a baby and a 2 year old [had mum on mat leave for 4 months]

Daily/weekly; I wash/dry/fold/iron the kids clothes, change their bedding, keep their bedroom tidy, sweep the kitchen/wipe down after meals, and meal plan. I am happy to do scrambled egg for lunch or supper at least once a week if we're low on time; but generally we have curry, rattatouille, spaghetti bolognaise, soup, jacket potato, home made chicken nuggets, fish pie etc

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 13/02/2016 20:53

I've never had a nanny so don't know. But fish fingers or scrambled eggs every night?! No! No!

Original poster

sun85 · 13/02/2016 20:54

BYOSnowman actually no she has never done any washing - I used to either do it over the weekend myself or put a load on first thing in the morning and ask her to hang it out during dd1 sleep time...

OP posts:

MyBigFatGreekYoghurt · 13/02/2016 20:55

No wouldn't be happy with that.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 13/02/2016 20:57

The meals -not acceptable.

Not doing laundry - fine. If nothing else I would not want to waste water and energy running what would be less of a full load of clothes. I separate washing by the material /colour fastness etc, not the garment. I wouldn't ever have expected our nannies to do this.

And I would only have expected a nanny to change bed linen on child's bed if there had been a sickness or wetting incident on her shift.

Kpo58 · 13/02/2016 20:58

YABU Do you wash each individual member of the household individually? It seems odd that you couldn't have just put the swimsuit in with one of your other wash-loads.

BYOSnowman · 13/02/2016 20:59

Ok - well she obviously thinks that's the norm so you need to sit down and go through what you expect from her.

I've never known a nanny not do the kids washing/bedroom tidying/sheets so it's not going to be a surprise for her I'm sure

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 13/02/2016 20:59

Really?

gf are you?

inlovewithhubby · 13/02/2016 21:00

We had a fabulous nanny with our two when they were very little. She did all their washing (drying and putting away) and cooked from scratch for them every day, including stocking the freezer (for her and us to use on future days). We didn't then iron our little ones' clothes - they got messy enough as it was within seconds so seemed daft- but ours was the first household where this wasn't required. We had a fabulous relationship with our nanny, who remains a family friend, and she often shoved our clothes in with the kids stuff though we always kept a second basket. This is not standard though and we never expected it.

With cooking she dug out recipes and we bought the ingredients. She loved making new things and encouraging our kids to eat new meals and foods. This is standard - having a nanny is all about replacing what happens in the home so if you cook from scratch you want your nanny to do that too. Most nannies would expect to do that so think yours must be wringing her hands in delight at the comparatively easy ride she is having!

It's all about the relationship and what the contract of employment says. I made it very clear at the outset what we required, but to be honest, it's we were so lucky with ours, and she was so fabulous. She needed very little needed asking thereafter as she did it naturally. She was a bit older and had her own kids so it came very naturally to her. With younger nannies, or those with less experience, my friends have had to micro manage or at the very least make it clear what they want and expect from their nannies. They can't mind read so you have to tell them, and only if they then don't perform are you reasonable in doing something more formal about it.

Original poster

sun85 · 13/02/2016 21:00

haha no of course not! I do dark versus pale versus whites. But since she doesn't do dd1 washing, not sure why I should do hers?! or AIBU? (she is live out)

OP posts:

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 13/02/2016 21:01

Goodness Iguessyourstuck I would never have expected our nannies to do any of that. Apart from clearing up after meals you have prepared and served I don't think any of that is in a nanny's remit. Some of it was mine , but the cleaning,tidying and ironing was definitely left to the cleaner.

Laquila · 13/02/2016 21:02

What's in her job description? Have you clearly asked her to do your daughter's washing or have you assume it was something she should take on? Does the nanny also do the shopping? If not, surely she can only cook what's available, and I'd you want her to cook specific things I'd just give her a meal plan, as a pp said.

Akire · 13/02/2016 21:04

If she had been swimming she would taken two your towels and her swim suit and Childs so makes sense to dump them both in wash pile. I woulnt expect her to take her wet swim suit home to wash at hers.

Having said that it takes seconds to put on a wash and not long to hang out to dry. Different if she's supposed to iron but to keep on top of kids laundry is expected. Long as kid has own laundry basket and dosnt have go digging in your dirty washing for it it's fine!

inlovewithhubby · 13/02/2016 21:05

Oh, and no actual cleaning but definitely tidying up after meals, play, visits, etc as you would if you were a parent at home. A nanny is a parent replacement so, aside from weekly clean stuff, the daily grind such as washing, washing up, dishwasher, cleaning down surfaces, sweeping up after meals jaded messy activities etc falls clearly within the job description. I would expect to come home to a house as I had left it - if you're a messy bastard then your nanny shouldn't clean up after you, but if you leave work with a clean tidy house then I would expect to return to the same.

shazzarooney99 · 13/02/2016 21:12

Surely a nanny job is to look after child/ren? not to clean? a cleaner cleans, if you have a cleaner anyway,why isnt she doing the washing?

Hellochicken · 13/02/2016 21:16

!!!
I have a nanny 2 days for 10 hours. She looks after a 3 year old and 2 children when they are back from primary school.
She only makes and washes up lunch stuff and doesn't do any washing/cleaning or cooking. She only tidies any mess made whilst she is there.

Now I am thinking I should ask her to make dinner! She finishes at 5:30pm when DH is home. I get home at 7:30 ish

I often think I wish I could have her day and just spend time with my children and not have to run around shopping/ cooking/cleaning.

Hellochicken · 13/02/2016 21:17

10 hours each day

Duck90 · 13/02/2016 21:20

Putting a load In the machine is the easy part of laundry. If she puts the clothes away I would be delighted.

Can't imagine the dynamic of having a nanny while I would be on maternity leave. She cooks dinner for your dd, what do you do at that time.? Honest question, I would feel like one person was surplus to requirements.

Original poster

sun85 · 13/02/2016 21:22

Duck90 I breastfeed dd2!
It is a difficult dynamic both being at home. But what is the alternative? Make her redundant for 5 months while I'm on Mat leave then hire her or someone else back?

OP posts:

ohnoppp · 13/02/2016 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nbee84 · 13/02/2016 21:23

As a nanny - in ALL of my positions (30 years worth) I've always done the children's washing and change and wash their bedding. Usually ironing, though have had a couple of families that don't iron the children's clothes. I cook fresh food and batch cook for the freezer. Fish finger suppers were an occasional rather than a regular feature. I always clear up after any activities and would leave the house/kitchen as I found it in the morning - sometimes tidier. Happy to muck in and empty bins/dishwasher - not so happy to be left last nights pots and pans from your dinner.

My swimsuit would end up with the kids washing ready for the next load to be put on.

You need to make your expectations clear to the nanny. She's been with you for over 2 years now so must think you are happy with how things are being done if you've not said otherwise.

Writerwannabe83 · 13/02/2016 21:26

God how I wish I had some people's lives and problems.....

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