Is Dh being unreasonable or am I?

[Fairdeal]

I Earn £530 per month plus £190 child benefit and Dh earns £1700 plus £100 board from eldest dc.
I work 2 days per week and dh is full time, I'm currently looking after our youngest child the other 3 days but will be going part time when he starts school in September.
Out of our money I have a total of £150 a month left to buy clothes for myself and the kids and anything else I need, oh and petrol. The rest of my wages goes on savings of 150 a month, childcare and children's activities.
Dh has left after paying all bills about £600, he does pay all the household bills but does not pay anything into savings or towards the children. I have told him that it is a struggle for me but he just says it will be easier when I go full time in September, I'm starting to feel a bit resentful, yes I'm part time but I do look after our dc and don't just sit around doing nothing, is it me or is Dh being unreasonable?

The school uniform cost is a easy one - this time he takes them and buys what they need - perhaps then he will realize what school clothes (and shoes) cost !

Add message | Report | Message poster Writerwannabe83 Sat 13-Feb-16 21:51:11
whattodo - so you think it's ok that even though the OP only has £150 a month she is the one who had to pay for all the three children's clothes and shoes whilst her DH enjoys his £600? You think that because he pays the bills it means it's fine for him to watch his wife struggle financially?

I think he might have a different story, I doubt he has £600 a month to spend on whatever he wants while OP struggles with £150.

I agree lweji

So, what's his your story?

Add message | Report | Message poster Lweji Sat 13-Feb-16 21:52:12
Poo
I've reported your posts. You are being very offensive to all.

As well as wrong and goady.

Add message | Report | Message poster Lweji Sat 13-Feb-16 21:54:13
If you look at the finances, the OP is probably bankrolling him and enabling his lifestyle while he shows up the family.
I wonder how much he'd have to himself if all bills and expenses were shared equally and the op worked full time.

This just doesn't make any sense, she financially contributes very little while he contributes much more and I wonder how long for? I doubt this has just been a year since the older DC statement.

Add message | Report | Message poster Lweji Sat 13-Feb-16 21:58:52
So, what's his your story?

2 sides to every story and it's literally impossible for me to know his story.
Do you really think he has exactly the same opinion as op?

She doesn't contribute very little. She's losing 750 pounds per month in wages!!!
That's how much she's contributing on top of what she is already earning.
And so that the child has a mother at home and so that she can cook and do most of the cleaning.

whattodo - what do you think he's spending his £600 on then if it's not himself?

So, are you OP's OH or can't read?

Also look up financial abuse.

Can someone give a suggestion of what would be the fair way forward?

Perhaps the DH sees the fact that the CB the OP claims totals £ 190... in his mind this negates him having to contribute towards the children perhaps?
IMO this makes it even more unfair on the OP if that is his view.

The OP wants advise and support not for peeps to fall out. Come on everyone, let's try to help the OP.

Salaries are paid into a joint account from which rent/mortgage, bills and all other necessary stuff is paid. What's left is split into savings and free 'spend' for you both. So you each have the same amount on which to live. Why is board being paid to your dh, and not going in the pot?

Maybe you'd be better off if he lived separately and paid you child maintenance?

I agree, mummytippy, but won't stand for any pp coming here calling people stupid. It's that sort of comment that derails threads.

Joint account, whilst you are raising the children you both wanted, your earning potential is reduced whilst you have enabled his to either stay the same or increase. Team work, shared finances.

Funny I'm thinking what is the husband or another man who is treating his missus like crap financially.

There is no me and her money in a relationship.. There is only harmony and a nice life.

I agree the fairest way is to have a joint pot and each partner to have similar spending money.

And speaking as a previous higher earner, before anyone comes along accusing women of taking advantage of male higher earners.

Not all contributions are financial. Bringing up children IS A contribution and is considered one in divorce courts. Do you really think op would be part time if she didn't have kids ????

I have to say, my husband pays a huge amount into our joint account in comparison to me, as I only work part time, and I know he has more disposable income than me, but I don't see this as financial abuse. I know plenty of worse set-ups, plenty of people who don't have joint accounts and each have bills they are separately responsible for. I would say it comes down to financial abuse if the children are going short and DH has the money to help, but otherwise, it's difficult to judge. For example, holidays are paid for by my DH, along with all car maintenance, and various other things. But I pay for the majority of DC's clothes.
I understand all the points people have made, but just don't agree that it is always that clear cut.

Isnt it a joint pot? My husband works ft and we have three kids two with Sen. It all goes into a pot. We don't break it down at all. We never have done even when I was working we just had one account in which we used the money. I don't get this whole we are a couple but I pay for this and she pays for that.

Stop paying into savings until September. That's already £300 disposable income. If I'm reading this right, you only have 1 child in school, given that the other one pays board and your youngest is in nursery (so only 1 lot of school uniform)? With all bills paid, £300 left over is more than I used to have to live on total (bills/food excluding rent). It's a reasonable amount if it's just for clothes/children's activities, your DH isn't a high earner.

This is the first time I've ever seen a man getting a hard time for doing all his own washing/ironing, it's normally the reverse! You work 2 days a week, it's normal that you would do more housework (although your DH should still do some).

I don't have a joint account with my DH, he pays most bills, I pay mine. I haven't got a clue how much disposable income he has. What's important is that bills are paid, we're all fed/clothed, he doesn't expect full slave - service.

Maybe I'm reading this all wrong, but it doesn't seem like the kind of financial abuse many on here have endured.

Autumn I'm guessing you're a man with a similar set up?

I think it is unfair and you should bring it up with him. I don't think he is abusive he just knows he has got a great deal and is keeping quiet. You need to challenge him on this strongly and don't back down. You are a partnership and deserve to share. I earn more than my DH so I put more into savings and bills. Best of luck and stay strong.

Good points OChristmasTree5 and sounds fair to me.

OP you need to have a chat with your OH and turn this around so that it is fair.