To feel like this? I feel guilty and awful

[TheCatsMeow]

I had a baby 6 months ago and I feel guilty for saying this but I'm bored out of my mind. All I do every day is look after a child. My baby has bad reflux and allergies and I spend all day covered in sick, he won't nap in the day so I don't get a break. Everything's a mess, I can't get anything done, I have to be watching him all the time. I took my eye off him for 10 seconds today and he fell off the bed.

I love my son but I feel so isolated. I don't have a job at the moment and have no childcare so I can't go back to work yet hardly any of my friends have kids and I feel guilty for wanting to do something else. I feel like a failure of a mother, as what sort of shitty parent doesn't want to be a SAHM? I shouldn't feel like this, I should enjoy every second together and loathe having to do anything else!

I'm very introverted and miss my books, gaming, watching Netflix, I love writing but never get time to do it...I've never been good with structure, I'm someone who likes to wake up and decide to go on a trip or buy random matinee tickets or go to the beach. I can't do that now, every day is the same, day in day out. I can't take it. I do go to a group which is nice but I miss other things. Before I'd go to the library for hours and just read, or sit in a coffee shop sketching it's little things like that. I feel like I've lost who I am

I feel like my child deserves better than me, someone who clearly is a crap mother. I have no idea what I'm looking for here, just needed to rant. I was told I have mild PND but I don't think this is that. Thought about NC but cannot be bothered. Thanks for reading.

I have a jumperoo and he likes it but he's about an inch too small because I live in an old place so the ceilings are high. I'm hoping when he's bigger he'll use it more!

I might look into a back sling

Hang in there OP. Is the omeprazole dose being adjusted as he gains weight? Also, there are different strengths of it so there's basically a range of doses available depending on what doctor thinks is needed? Sorry if you know that already. Hopefully the specialist will help. Be pushy if you have to. And try a large thick book / telephone directory under the jumperoo until he's grown the extra inch.

Op feeling bored/ fed up is 100% normal and any normal person would find being covered in sick several times a day wearing. Given you're dealing with reflux and allergy issues as well as general first time mum-ing you sound like you're coping pretty well. Second the idea of doing more classes. Some ideas:*Baby sensory group (my fave) or swimming? Mum and baby pilates for some 'you' time of sorts? Something to make you go out and have some quality activity time with baby basically. Also a way to meet other mums, with no pressure, can aways just concentrate on class. Maybe check if nct run a postnatal group anywhere nearby. Check fb and mumsnet local for baby/mums/bumps groups and consider posting looking for others with same age baby who might want a coffee? I totally get the wondering if being an introvert makes it harder going all your time taken up thing. Have been pondering the same thing myself today (at home with toddler and baby). Definitely feel I have to push myself to interact constantly, to 'give' to them, whereas I'd happily while away time thinking/daydreaming etc otherwise. I think the solution is to make some time for yourself somehow to recharge. Short term I guess that relies on partner/family (advantage of bottle feeding - you can leave the baby for a few hrs), in a few months maybe pay for a nursery day if affordable, even if you remain a SAHM.

Caravan because we know they're not under 1 forever?

Rural I didn't know that thanks

You're welcome. I'm on my second reflux baby and went through the every medication available with the first! My understanding is dose range is 1-3mg per kilo (possibly with a max of 21) so for example DS2 is on the 2mg dose and at 8kg so has a 16mg dose. Definitely review it with the prescribing doctor. Weaning can help reflux but can also be a struggle if it's not under control so worth doing it promptly if your DS is 6 months.

Weaning is horrible he vomits everything up except about 4 things! He's on 2.5mg but I'm not sure what the strength is

He was sleeping through until a few weeks ago as well which has made it harder now

Having all your time taken up even, above. And yep the jumperoo is fab, baby held upright and time to get on with stuff. Defo go for the actual branded version.

Does the brand make a difference? Mine is cheap I got it in Tesco

A jumperoo is different to the thing I think you're talking about which hangs off the door frame. My DS is ten months and I am feeling like it's been Groundhog Day since March last year lol x

Hi OP, just to echo everyone else, but you're normal! I've not read the whole thread so sorry if this has been mentioned but I've been saved from mind numbing boredom but audiobooks on my phone - makes nights rocking a baby to sleep or really long pram walks much more interesting. Just thought I'd mention it as I really missed reading time too. Plus the sound can take the edge off the screaming (my son used to HATE naps). I'd also recommend bluetooth /wireless headphones as they're less easy for baby to grab.

Hope you're feeling better soon x

Oh yes I thought a jumperoo was the door one! This looks really useful thanks

Definitely check the dosage with the doctor Cats. It might help him if it can be increased. A vomiting weaning baby is no fun at all. Have you been given advice on weaning with allergies? DS2 is five months has allergies and reflux so weaning is not something I'm looking forward to! If you want to PM to chat / rant about reflux and allergies please do.

Also, could the vomiting be related to his formula if he has allergies? DS2 has just been prescribed Alfamino which is fairly new I think but supposed to be the most "broken down" and easiest to digest. Haven't given it to him yet. Again, something to discuss with doctor if you think it could be an issue.

caravanista fuck off

He's on neocate which is supposed to be the top one for allergies. They suspect milk and possibly other things (family history)!

It's a nightmare isn't it? I never even knew about reflux until I had DS, the first time it happened I was terrified and thought he was dying. Ended up taking him to A&E to be told "you're making the bottles wrong" (which was bullshit).

I will PM you in the morning thank you

ah just ignore her - she's goading for attention - which is pitiful really

I had my kids because I didn't know I would have PTSD and PND - which made it harder

OP you are a great mum x

OP, I understand exactly how you feel (I think!).

I felt just the same. When I was diagnosed with PND, I honestly didn't believe that I had it. And 9 years later, I still don't think I had it. Basically, I just didn't much like being a SAHM full time and found it really, really difficult. I also felt a total loss of my freedom and sense of self- that was depressing.

I was really, really desperate to become a mum. I'd had 2 miscarriages and then had years of failure conceiving. I wanted a baby/child more than anything in the world. So when my DD arrived and everything was NOT like the dream come true that I'd pictured, literally dreamed of, for YEARS, I was absolutely amazed and SO disappointed.

But there we are! I wish I'd felt different, but try as I did (and I tried to enjoy it all SO HARD), I just really didn't like it. I coped by learning to accept that I will always struggle if I can't have some time to myself regularly, and that being a SAHM is not for me. When I got over the guilt, which was the hardest thing, and took years, things were better.

I put my DD in nursery before she was a year old, 2 days a week. I wouldn't have coped otherwise- I needed time off from her. Could you do something like this?

Also, I found baby groups and stuff helpful to a point- but still didn't really enjoy them. I did them to have something to do, but can't say I enjoyed the whole 'baby' scene! And, that was OK.

I must add- I love my DD very, very much. And I've found as she's got older, I've enjoyed being with her and being a mum more. It WILL get easier for you. You are NORMAL. You're doing well. Try and accept that. Try and NOT feel guilty about utilising the nursery. I found that using nursery saved me (in a way- I was desperate for time away from DD, I felt so guilty too, but it really helped).

I also had a traumatic birth, neonatal unit and then couldn't breastfeed. I understand that all contributes to how you're feeling. It's good that you're acknowledging that this is all part of the feelings you're having.

Hang in there- it gets easier. And don't worry- you are normal. Good luck x

You are not a crap mum. It's amazing how many women feel the same.

catsmeow

I hope these posts are making you feel better

I was blessed with a colicky, refluxing non-sleeper and life was awful. I remember on more than a few occasions I would ring my husband at work in absolute tears and tell him that I "just can't do this anymore". About 2 or 3 times he actually came home from work because I was so upset, he could barely make out what I was saying down the phone because I was crying so much.

Motherhood is hard with young babies. Tiring, boring, repetitive and absolutely emotionally and physically draining at times.

I had intended to take 12 months off work but I went back at 9 months instead because I felt like I was going crazy.

Sometimes my DS goes to his childminder when he technically doesn't need to (dependent on my shifts) and at first I used to feel guilty for sending him but now I absolutely love just having some time to myself. Please don't feel guilty about using nursery, your little one will probably benefit from it (socially and stimulation) as well as you so go for it.

Spending days at home with DS when he was a young baby was very, very hard and the thought of being a full time SAHM filled me with dread. However, he's almost two years old now and an absolute delight, he's so funny and entertaining that I wish I could be a SAHM now. I love spending time with him now so things will get better as your little me gets older.

I had a lot of issues surrounding the birth of my DS and not feeling like I loved him until he was about 3 days old and it caused me a lot of emotional anguish. As I would rock him to sleep at night I would whisper to him how sorry I was that I hadn't been a good mom to him when he was born and I would repeatedly tell my DH that our DS deserves a better mother than me. Even when he was 5/6 months old I still couldn't talk about the days surrounding his birth without crying because of the huge amount of pent up guilt I had.

However, one day I made the wise decision to post on MN about it and the support I had was immense. Hearing so many other women tell me they'd experienced very similar feelings was such a relief and so many people made me realise that I wasn't a bad mom and that I had to just forgive myself (even though it didn't need forgiving) and just move on.

The point I'm making is that I hope you can get the same level of support from this thread and realise that you aren't alone and that your feelings are completely normal

Many years since I had one that age, but I well remember the mind numbing tedium of it.

Don't feel guilty about putting him in nursery for a day - you will feel better for getting a day off & if you feel better he'll feel better.

My son is two months old and I'm bored senseless. I have introduced mixed feeding so his dad can take him for the day and I get a break at the weekend just to be alone and wander around.

Op well done you're doing great. I know exactly how you feel- the enormity of the daily grind is overwhelming. I have a 7mo DS and he is equally boring, doesn't even sleep well. However I am also the proud owner of a 3yo DD. She was also a highly boring and difficult baby however she is now the best. She's toilet trained, eats normal food and speaks and therefore I can pack her in the car and we can do anything- if I want to read in a cafe I do- buy her a hot chocolate and take the iPad and we get at least an hour of chilling. We go for walks, to cafes, to visit people- whatever and it only took a couple of years! DS is obviously not like this but I know that he will be soon and its a worthwhile investment! Give it time and you will soon have a great little buddy on your hands.
In the meantime try and be as flexible as you can- don't fret about nap times and feeding times, take your stuff for him, go out, keep busy, and don't worry if you're covered in sick- no one cares.

You have a difficult baby and no partner. That is an awful combination.

Most women (well, out of my friends) do not want to be sahm although a lot of them just work part time. Is this an option for you?