Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about this tip soliciting behaviour?

55 replies

Killairno · 11/02/2016 16:26

Was out for dinner on Saturday night and paid in cash. Handed over $40, I think and the bill was $32.

Waitress asked if I wanted change which annoyed me a bit but then, when I said "yes" , she asked how much. I didn't like being put on the spot like that - was going to figure out a decent (but not 25% as it would have been if I had no change at all!) tip once I had the change.

So, am I an old fart or should she have just given me my change?!

OP posts:
Gracey79 · 11/02/2016 16:29

She should have just given you change! Are you in the U.S.? Know it shouldn't matter but I know tipping is a much bigger 'thing' there.
Being forced into tipping always puts me off and I'm sure I wouldn't feel comfortable if I was the waitress if we were encouraged to do this.
Have noticed the takeaway delivery man always pauses before giving me change and have wondered if he's hoping I will say it's ok keep it! Blush

Andylion · 11/02/2016 16:32

she asked how much.
That is not on. Even if you had wanted to give a huge tip, she should not have made assumptions. OP, what did you say to her?

Original poster
Killairno · 11/02/2016 16:32

Not US, but Canada so similar rules about tipping. It is the done thing and I do tip properly. Just didn't like "do you need change?" to begin with and then "how much?" was particularly grating. I asked for $5 change so she probably thought I was giving a rubbish, less than 10% tip!! (but I left more after...in fact, thinking back, her having flustered me, I actually think I left more than I had planned because I didn't factor in the $2 or whatever that I hadn't got back in change! Maybe that was her tactic after all?!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Killairno · 11/02/2016 16:33

Andy - I asked for $5 back - was in a group of 7 of us and I don't know them all that well and they were all paying card so I was a bit flustered.

See my post up there ^^ - we cross posted - she ended up getting more than planned, I think and the service wasn't even that great!

Ah well, not going to rant more about it but just wondered if others thought the "how much" was a bit off.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 11/02/2016 16:35

My hairdresser shot herself in the foot recently re tipping. I didn't have any change so I asked her to give me change from a ten pound note. She gave me two five pound notes, so as a tip for a 38 pound hair cut I was forced to tip five pounds or look really mean. ( I'm in the UK so I think about 10% is the norm for haircuts).

So I've made the point of tipping her less on subsequent visits. I found the US very grabby about tipping, Canada less so when we were there.

Proginoskes · 11/02/2016 16:35

I'm in the US, used to manage a restaurant (worked my way up from server) and if a server was overheard asking a guest if they needed/wanted change, it was grounds for immediate dismissal, so YADNBU.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 11/02/2016 16:36

I'd have asked for all of it on principle.

"$8 change, please."

daisychain01 · 11/02/2016 16:36

I was in US last week and I must say I was getting very uncomfortable about having 2 or 3 people rushing up to my car at the hotel, wanting to carry my bag, etc. Each of those people seeming like they wanted a tip.

It put me in an awful situation of feeling irritated, bad because they were on minimum wage, and also fed up because I kept running out of $ bills!

Must be such a bad economy that they were almost begging on the street. Bad

rookiemere · 11/02/2016 16:38

US is crazy Daisychain1.

I remember in Las Vegas on honeymoon, a man would find you a taxi and you had to give him a dollar, except the blinking taxi rank was there, right in front of your eyes , so his role was completely redundant. But you still had to give him a dollar.

VikingLady · 11/02/2016 16:45

They have to hustle for tips in the US though. The tax people assume they get a certain minimum amount in tips and taxes them on it whether they earn it or not

daisychain01 · 11/02/2016 23:03

rookiemere, that was exactly my experience, it was the head - scratching moment when I kept thinking, but I can do this myself, but felt like they were relying on people like me so I felt awful. Such a massive chasm between rich and poor

Vanderwaals · 12/02/2016 01:52

That is cheeky.
You should have just sarcasticallysaid "hmmm what 40-32? $8 please. HmmWink

Trojanhorsebox · 12/02/2016 02:01

I've traveled occasionally for work and stayed in hotels on my own in Canada - my goodness, lone female with suitcase and it's a scrum in the lobby! People want to take your bag to your room - it's on wheels, I think I can manage thanks, then they show you how the taps work, how the curtains open and close, how to use the light switches etc, it's all about getting a tip. I'll tip well for good service but not for "service" I neither want nor need. Now I don't let go of my bag and sprint for the lifts before anyone can "help" me, I will tip in the restaurant though if I use it. I prefer traveling with my family and we just juggle the bags between ourselves!

MrsS1980 · 12/02/2016 02:04

Viking lady is right. In Canada, projected tips are used to calculate income for tax purposes and so under tipping effectively leads to them losing money iyswim! It leads to rid, uncomfortable situations like this.

VimFuego101 · 12/02/2016 02:08

I'm in the US. Yes, servers depend on tips, but I've only had a couple of occasions where the server took the wallet containing the payment slip (showing what I'd tipped) off the table before we left. If we paid cash, they always bring back all the change and we leave the amount we choose. I think your server was rude.

Trojanhorsebox · 12/02/2016 02:09

That's my whole objection to tipping - being made to feel guilty and blackmailed into tipping for mediocre or barely adequate service because you know people are on low wages and relying on tips, or being taxed on assumed tips. Frankly I would rather pay more up front and not do the dance of how much to tip. I have no objection to tipping for really good service, but where I am everyone expects their 15% regardless and it is not the done thing to not tip or to tip less.

MadamDeathstare · 12/02/2016 02:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CallieTorres · 12/02/2016 06:22

why dont they just change to paying a decent wage, and not rely on tips - its bloody archaic - depending on the 'goodwill' of diners etc

jay55 · 12/02/2016 07:26

The US minimum wage for servers varies by state, in the south it is often very, very low like $2-3 but in other states it is $8-9 which is above federal minimum before tips.

I hate when I have to ask for change and would have been flustered too. I'd likely not go back there.

scribblegirl · 12/02/2016 07:33

Hate this. I was in a naice restaurant in Edinburgh and the bill came to about 90 quid. We put down £100 in £20s and waited patiently for the returned plate (we were going to add another fiver to the plate when it came back, it was a lovely meal).

About 20 mins later we asked the waitress for our change. "Oh" she said "I thought that was a tip".

We didn't leave any tip when she came back with it - totally not on to make an assumption at all.

dulcefarniente · 12/02/2016 08:22

Scribble I don't think the waitress was BU. You gave her the bill +10% for a lovely meal.

dulcefarniente · 12/02/2016 08:26

OP YANBU. In that instance she should have given you the change

MaidOfStars · 12/02/2016 08:26

I spent three weeks in Canada last year. I love these guys - smiley, dry, up front. I never minded the 'Do you need change?' that was standard everywhere. If we did, we just said 'Yes', no problems. I would have perhaps Hmm at being asked what proportion of the change I'd like returned though - didn't experience this.

MaidOfStars · 12/02/2016 08:28

(I'd have left $40 for a $32 bill though)

MaidOfStars · 12/02/2016 08:31

The rudest tipping experience I had was in NY. The server scribbled the value of 10% of the bill on the receipt, then pointed out to me that he'd calculated the tip because Brits don't often tip but in the States, it's normal.

What a dick. I'd never usually leave only 10%. But I did there.

Swipe left for the next trending thread