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Original poster

WWYD? DP's eating habits

95 replies

KinkyAfro · 10/02/2016 21:19

On holiday at Christmas time, DP and I decided we'd try and get healthier ie lose some weight, do some exercise. I joined Weight Watchers mid Jan and am pleased to have lost 1 stone, 5 lbs to date. I do have a bit to lose. DP on the other hand seems to be making it his mission to eat as much as possible, every night. As an example tonight he ate 2 chicken fillets, 2 baked potatoes with lots of butter and a massive pile of sweet corn. He finished eating that at 7.30. Since then he's eaten a large bag of wine gums, 4 creme eggs and 6 Club cake bars. There's also a full pack of chocolate digestives in the pile of stuff on the coffee table.

I've said to him you can't be hungry after that dinner and he says he isn't so why is he eating all this shite? He's very sensitive if I question why he's eating it and says just because I'm eating healthily doesn't mean he has to.

His dad died of a heart attack when he was 49, DP is 46 and has mentioned a few times that he's worried about it happening to him.

I just don't know what to say to him Sad

OP posts:
Cleensheetsandbedding · 10/02/2016 22:05

Kinky it's tough because when your trying to diet and some one else is eating a portion of spare ribs and asking if you want one it really breaks me. I'm the heavest I've ever been and that is down to just going along with Dh eating habits and not being able to get to the gym.

I've bought some kettle bells though and been doing exercises of you tube!

I've now banned Dh from bringing that crap in the house, he just eats it when he is out. I found a bottle of lucazade in his car the other day and it made me really sad. I was annoyed at him for not taking responsibility for his health and me for getting annoyed over a fucking bottle of lucazade.

I really don't think my Dh is depressed or stressed, he is just addicted to sugary and fatty stuff. Which you can be.

He was a bit over weight when I met him which was fine but I really didn't sign up to be with a 20+ stone bloke

lavenderhoney · 10/02/2016 22:11

Stop buying the snacks? I have to say doing the LC bootcamp on here meant I lost weight and am I'm never hungry. Or craving sweet stuff.

Maybe download YNAB, enter the family normal food costs and then enter his as " treats" amd see what he is spending on junk food. It sounds like comfort eating to me, and many people on the LC bootcamp have said that they just don't want that stuff anymore. Maybe lurk on the threads?:)

Breadandwine · 10/02/2016 22:14

Get him to watch "Fat, forty and nearly dead!"

That might give him the jolt he needs.

You can also tell him there's an old bloke on Mumsnet who regularly does 200 press ups - with 8kg on his back! Wink

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 10/02/2016 22:15

My DH eats in a very similar way sometimes. We have gone through periods where we both eat like this - I would never have done that before I met him, but if it's there I'll want to eat my fair share. Blush Right now we are supposed to be dieting and he's had a fair bit of slippage, but he's not eating the sheer quantity of snacks in the evenings that we used to - in fact, he's not always sticking to the low-carb plan, but he's really cut down on his eating. He does always comfort-eat when he's stressed, which we are right now with redundancies at work, but he's not nearly as bad as I've seen him. We've also started exercising again after an extremely sedentary few months.

What I'm trying to say is that he's not the only one by a long chalk, and my DH also has to want to lose weight before he'll do it. He has dieted very successfully in the past but if his head's not in it then he won't do it no matter what I say, and he hates me nagging at him about it.

ridemesideways · 10/02/2016 22:20

So he's sabotaging the plans you made together... I wonder if the more weight you lose, the more he will eat... Like he feels your success makes him look bad so he may as well stuff himself silly?

Not logical, but maybe things like low self-esteem or fear of failure at the bottom of it...

bibbitybobbityyhat · 10/02/2016 22:21

I'm sorry but I really don't think you can do anything to change him.

PhilPhilConnors · 10/02/2016 22:24

I eat like this.
I find the pressure of knowing I need to lose weight makes me feel panicky and oppositional about it.
I will eat and barely know I'm eating it, then feel awful about it later (not that I show anyone, and not that it would stop me doing it again).
I'm low carbing at the moment so I'm in control, but I'm having to be very careful to avoid triggers that will send me back (unfortunately people commenting on weight loss is a trigger for me, as it adds pressure).
If your dh isn't ready to acknowledge this himself and do something about it, nothing you do will make a difference, in fact I would go so far as to say that any disapproval, watching relevant TV programs, comments about how much he's eaten, talk about diabetes etc may just pile on the pressure and increase the binging.

WorraLiberty · 10/02/2016 22:25

It sounds as though your success is holding a mirror up to him (in his head)

He can see you succeeding where he is failing and that probably makes him eat more, in a self sabotage sort of way.

creamponies · 10/02/2016 22:29

Has he got worms as they increase your appetite. I normally take one myself every now and again when im not full after eating

Walkacrossthesand · 10/02/2016 22:37

One worm, creamponies? Shock

GarlicBake · 10/02/2016 22:37

You seem to be describing someone with an eating disorder. The massive eating when not hungry, the defensiveness, the frantic shopping for 'treats' and the refusal to "look at it" are all very symptomatic.

Is this his normal or has it only started since you went back on WW?

Btw, congrats - but a stone and a half in three weeks? Are you okay?

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 10/02/2016 22:39

I don't buy the snacks, Lavender

OP posts:
Notcontent · 10/02/2016 22:43

I have no advice, but if he keeps eating like that then he is basically killing himself. The problem with surgary food is that eating it makes you crave even more sugar. All that diet coke would not help either... Someone other than you needs to talk to him.

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 10/02/2016 22:44

He's pretty much always been like this but he's ramped it up. Yep I'm fine, big loss first week but again, I have a bit to lose. I'm following the plan to the letter, eating all my points, drinking lots of water, weighing and measuring everything Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
KinkyAfro · 10/02/2016 22:46

He doesn't think he's got a problem which is the biggest issue. He works very long hours and says eating is how he chills out

OP posts:
GarlicBake · 10/02/2016 22:53

Good to hear yours is on plan :)

I think he does have an ED, then. I'm sorry about that. He'll have ramped it up because you sticking to a reduction plan makes him feel threatened.

I don't know whether you have/had any addictions, but you probably have some idea of how other addicts feel when people rant on about the benefits of giving up and how revolting their addiction is. (I'm a smoker and often feel like inelegantly beating evangelical air purists to a bloody pulp!)

The wisest thing to do is completely ignore it. You'll manage okay, you've got your group and your sense of achievement to keep you going! If you can, divorce thoughts around your weight & diet completely from anything H might be eating or saying about food.

Long-term he may well need to see a professional. But it's unhelpful to be thinking about that while you're on your WW plan ... and, once you're settled with your new weight, he might start thinking about it himself.
You can't force it though.

MadamDeathstare · 10/02/2016 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

schrodcat · 10/02/2016 23:36

This all sounds very familiar. My DH is addicted to banana milkshakes (Frijj particularly). There were six empties in his car the other day and I know he cleaned it out a couple of weeks ago because he had it serviced. His excuse/reason is he hates his job and he works mainly outside so needs the extra calories (is all kinds of other shit in addition to the milkshakes). I think the real reason is basically that we don't have anywhere near enough sex as I am the tiredest I have ever been in my life and he therefore doesn't feel ttractive and thinks "what's the point". I wouldn't mind the shit he eats but the MIL actively colludes - whenever we go round she gives him biscuits/cakes/ice creams to take home. I think she does it because I once confided in her that I have zero willpower and so the only way I am not the size of a house is not to have it in the house... I've jut realized this actually makes her a bit of a cow.

Well done on your weightloss. I hope it feels good! I am going to use Lent as an excuse to say no to people pushing food on me. Would your DH go for that, if it's dressed up as a short-term challenge?

kawliga · 11/02/2016 03:37

I think trying to talk to him about it is the worst thing you could do. It is not different from people who smoke too much or drink too much or any other destructive behaviour really. You can't 'talk' them out of it or find the right words to say that will make them stop.

MattDillonsPants · 11/02/2016 03:47

OP there's nothing you can do. Coming at this as an ex smoker, my DH hassled, bullied and cried at me for years before I gave up...I gave up because I wanted to and not because of anything he'd said.

It's his body. Don't hassle him...he's an adult.

wotoodoo · 11/02/2016 04:11

6 stone overweight with a daughter with type 1 diabetes?

He's reacting to you and your healthy eating, almost like getting back at you for what he perceives as you trying to control him.

Reverse psychology would be interesting here op. . Say when he has bought chocolate, biscuits and everything unhealthy for himself 'yum! bet that tastes good!' Or even bring some home for him.

And carry on eating healthily in front of him.

temporaryusername · 11/02/2016 04:27

It sounds like a matter of medical urgency for him to lose weight. Has he recently had a check up with the GP?

Aussiemum78 · 11/02/2016 04:58

Is there any hobbies or sports that could get him distracted in the evening?

I think you should stop the diet talk, cook healthy food and leave him be.

I go through binge stages, for me it's frustration that I'm not losing weight/losing it so slowly that it feels pointless. Dp doesn't help when he cuts out 2 beers a week and loses 5kg overnight! Takes me 3 months of hard slog to lose 5 and it goes back on in one bad week....

JohnThomas69 · 11/02/2016 05:24

I've always wondered if the brains pleasure receptors are stronger in some than others. After reading this thread I'm almost certain. I just would not stuff that amount of fat and sugar down my throat in one sitting.
Although I have worked with people who have almost had a full blown panic attack because they missed breakfast and there stomachs 'sore' with hunger. I just don't get it. I often go to bed or go to work on an empty stomach. As much as I'd like to put something in it, it's no big deal and the hunger pangs are not entirely unpleasant.

MattDillonsPants · 11/02/2016 06:05

John well good for you Hmm Not much help to the poor OP though.

OP as I said before, it is very worrying but you're not in charge of his destiny and while it is awful...you need to deal with it differently.

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