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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Werid questions from health vistor

115 replies

Sunbeam1112 · 10/02/2016 10:44

It seems to change all the time currently pregnant with DC 3 and had my health vistor pre baby visit. With DC2 i had my intial visit at the beginging of my pregnancy normal standard questions.

my DD had her 2year check couple mobths everything ok HV wad impressed how advanced DD was. So when i had my visit on monday i was taken back by the questions asked.

H/V Questions asked
Mine & DH childhood how would we describe it?
If we had siblings?where they treated better?
Who was i closest to growing up?
How did our parents discipline us?
How do i discipline my children?
Asked about our fiances if we could afford the house? Explained my DH was on a very good wage.

Asked about domestic abuse twice?
Past relationship with DS dad
Asked twice if i self harmed?

Aibu to seem to think it was OTT. Given we live in a nice area, clean tidy house, Already got 2 DC no problems. She read from two questionnaires. Spoke to my SIL who is a social worker and said shes probs be on safe guarding course or they might of been a child death in the area. H/V is doing additional two visits after baby. She said at the end shes happy nothing to worry about. Just odd to do so many for a third baby.

OP posts:
minipie · 10/02/2016 10:47

Perhaps she was just very comfy on your sofa and didn't want to move Grin

Fourormore · 10/02/2016 10:49

I had similar questions after my DC3 was born - lots of questions about family history, household finances, DV. From what I could gather, it's so they can signpost to the SureStart courses/help they do.

LagunaBubbles · 10/02/2016 10:50

Aibu to seem to think it was OTT. Given we live in a nice area, clean tidy house, Already got 2 DC no problems

Living in a nice clean house does not mean there cant be social problems, family problems, issues etc.

SaucyJack · 10/02/2016 10:51

It's probably just a new box-ticking thing they have to do. I wouldn't worry.

But YABU to think financially comfortable people in clean houses don't need to be asked about DV or severe MH behaviours or discipline.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 10/02/2016 10:51

I had a lot of these questions from the HV. When I talked about past involvement with social services (concern of abuse from a relative when I was a child), she expressed surprise as she thought this was a "normal" house that she wouldn't have expected any problems in Hmm

So even though she was expecting a naice house, she still asked quite probing questions - so I wouldn't worry.

ILikeUranus · 10/02/2016 10:51

My first thought was she's just been on some kind of course! Don't worry about it - easier said than done I know. I had PND and I was very nervous of health visitors.

Jackie0 · 10/02/2016 10:57

I have no personal experience but reading your post my first thought was , why would answer questions like that ?
I wouldn't be discussing my childhood or finances if I wasn't comfortable doing so, and I guarantee I wouldn't be comfortable discussing personal matters with a health care provider taking notes !

Quoteunquote · 10/02/2016 11:01

Those questions seem odd to you because you they are not relevant to you.

If they were then your answers would of given the HV some indications of where support and guidance would be needed.

I'm glad that we as a society do have some methods in place to try and get help to those who need it, but until they identify who exactly needs support, they do have to ask us all the same questions.

Gobbolino6 · 10/02/2016 11:01

Gosh! I've had 3 children and have never been asked anything like that. I have a history of severe PPD too. Never had a prenatal HV appointment either.

Unless there is actually an issue, and given the fact she had questionnaires, I'd assume it's a procedure designed to identify families who might benefit from Children's Centre services etc.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 10/02/2016 11:04

Yes, it is absolutely to identify families that need more specialist support. My HV made that very clear to me when she arrived. It's not with a view to snatching your children away or making her watch you more or anything like that.

Obviously you do get HVs that abuse their position but you are not required to use her services and can ask her to leave any time you like.

WorraLiberty · 10/02/2016 11:07

I'm reading more and more lately, people mentioning they live in a 'nice area' when it comes to child protection amongst other things.

Surely no-one thinks a child can only be at risk if they live in a horrible area?

BloodyBloods · 10/02/2016 11:08

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Original poster
Sunbeam1112 · 10/02/2016 11:11

I stated the house was tided etc to avoid drip feeding if anyone suggested if was anything to do with the envirnoment factor. I know from being a student nurse on placement with a HV many years ago they stated alot of middleclass mothers suffered alot with anixety mental health issues,post natel depression etc especially being career led moms who went from having full time jobs to full time mom. I just found it odd being asked about my own childhood. I know my FIL had a terrible upbringing and my own DF didn't have a great upbringing either but both of them have been brilliant parents to us.

OP posts:
LineyReborn · 10/02/2016 11:11

I had a nurse clinic appointment yesterday and she asked me many hours a week I spent doing housework. I just laughed.

Cirsium · 10/02/2016 11:12

Sounds a bit intrusive, I'm not that keen on discussing my fairly crap childhood with people I have only just met. However probably a better approach to identify people in need of support than the midwife at my booking in appointment automatically ticking no to the drugs/drink/domestic abuse questions with a merry "I'm sure none of that applies to you." It didn't, but I would hardly be likely to open up if it did with that attitude.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 10/02/2016 11:12

just found it odd being asked about my own childhood.

As you'll see from my post, it's very relevant (social services contact).

LineyReborn · 10/02/2016 11:12

asked me how many hours

Original poster
Sunbeam1112 · 10/02/2016 11:13

Bloodybloods i know i felt i had to answer even tho i felt uncomfortable doing so. I know if my DH had been there he would of said his income is private.

OP posts:
MetallicBeige · 10/02/2016 11:17

It's as previous posters have said, to identify areas of support and signposting to relevant services.
There's lots of research and work on attachment and bonding going on, antenatally and postnatally.
The 1001 critical days highlights the importance of bonding and attachment on child development, future outcome. Any barriers to this can be addressed and supported, with a view to giving every child the best possible start.

It's not judgment, it's part of the role.

Gobbolino6 · 10/02/2016 11:17

Even if it's not true, it sometimes feel as though you can't win. I'd never refuse HV involvement because a HV at work told me once to encourage all parents to agree to the service, because if they don't it 'raises informal red flag's...whatever that means!

ExConstance · 10/02/2016 11:18

I'd tell her to get lost. There is no way that I would answer these questions. You are not obliged to have contact with them. Maybe the traditional "did you mean to be so rude?"

Gobbolino6 · 10/02/2016 11:18

Excuse the autocorrects.

DarylDixonsDarlin · 10/02/2016 11:19

I don't think this is a new thing. I was asked similar questions during pre-baby visit for DD2, so that would have been over 3.5 years ago.

The HV who came and saw us was clearly uncomfortable with having to ask the questions. She got started, and then handed over to the student who was with her, before it got to the really weird questions! Hmm.

I was told clearly before I answers that the notes of the visit would be kept on a file, and I could decide whether or not the file was accessible by other health professionals. She reminded me of this again at the end and asked me outright, did I want to make the file accessible, and she verbally recommended that I answered no. It was weird as fuck! Never had anything like it when having my older two children.

I don't have anything to hide so wasn't bothered about answering the questions, but a written record of those answers exists and will be kept for how many years...Confusedalso, what's to stop someone lying? Do they make sure they get women on their own for these questions, or would they still ask the same questions if the other parent of the expected baby was present? Or my mum, like what if I'd had my mum round to babysit the toddler while the HV did her visit...

Original poster
Sunbeam1112 · 10/02/2016 11:19

I think i found it more intrustive about my own family because one older sibling did have troubles with drugs in his late teens early 20s. I certainly didn't meantion this to her. This was in no way a reflection of my parents and how they raised me. They were and continue to be fantastic parents. My DB has been clean over 10 years has a house job etc. I feel that has no relevance on my ability to be a good parent to my DC

OP posts:
timeKeepingOnMars · 10/02/2016 11:19

I got asked questions like that - with second and third.

Got the impression she wasn't impressed with the age gaps we had - which we had planned. Plus with second were new to area and they seem to think this made me vulnerable.

The relationship with my mother questions struck me as very odd and fairly intrusive - told my mother and she made a point trying to be around when I saw HV at baby and check ins - though I had HV who turned up unannounced at my door few times she get narked if I was out. I was often out a baby and toddler groups getting settled in new area.

Had a lot about both our educational back grounds and money as well - siblings - work for both of us - dv and contraception stuck me as bit less odd.

Friend had one asked her about her housework routine in detail - house wasn't very tidy or messy so no idea what that was about.

Odd thing was if I asked for actual information groups, services in the area she had no information to actually pass on and rare occasions she did it was incorrect - wasn't only one who found this.

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