Werid questions from health vistor

[Sunbeam1112]

It seems to change all the time currently pregnant with DC 3 and had my health vistor pre baby visit. With DC2 i had my intial visit at the beginging of my pregnancy normal standard questions.

my DD had her 2year check couple mobths everything ok HV wad impressed how advanced DD was. So when i had my visit on monday i was taken back by the questions asked.

H/V Questions asked
Mine & DH childhood how would we describe it?
If we had siblings?where they treated better?
Who was i closest to growing up?
How did our parents discipline us?
How do i discipline my children?
Asked about our fiances if we could afford the house? Explained my DH was on a very good wage.

Asked about domestic abuse twice?
Past relationship with DS dad
Asked twice if i self harmed?

Aibu to seem to think it was OTT. Given we live in a nice area, clean tidy house, Already got 2 DC no problems. She read from two questionnaires. Spoke to my SIL who is a social worker and said shes probs be on safe guarding course or they might of been a child death in the area. H/V is doing additional two visits after baby. She said at the end shes happy nothing to worry about. Just odd to do so many for a third baby.

My health visitor, Alison, was fantastic. She was, and is, sensitive to my anxiety problems and overwhelming fear of agency involvement (caused by wrongfully being told I would get cp called on me by a maternity nurse in the hospital, because of the anxiety I was suffering).
If she had to ask these questions I didn't know it. She really built up a relationship with me, and I appreciate that probably more than she'll know.

If a hv had come in asking questions like that from the off, I would have run a mile. Especially as one of my triggers is feeling observed and judged.

The sure start centre leader, on the other hand, makes me feel like dirt she's stepped in, so I've stopped attending.

They are the questions I got for my DD (6 years ago) and my ds (17 weeks ago) I would say that they are perfectly normal questions for them to ask...

I didn't get asked any of this.

Never saw a hv during pregnancy either.

Dc2 never saw one after 4/5 months.

Dc3 only had 3 visits in 6 months.

Dc1 I did see loads but because I wanted to as I did need extra support and she got me a council nursery place for my 1yr old.

The utterly random nature of these checks is alarming as well. Why do some people have the 7th degree while others have never had a HV near them? Either it's necessary or it's not. Unless you're more likely to abuse your children in Wigan...

Unless you're more likely to abuse your children in Wigan.

Well of course you are lost (in the parallel universe where socio-economic and historic factors predict future difficulties).

Not in the UK but child health nurses ask a lot of questions here too, I think its a good thing really, to help spot potential problems and offer appropriate help and advice. Never been asked about my own childhood but I get asked how I'm doing financially/emotionally etc. Do I work, does my OH work, what does he do etc. Relations with dd's dad. And there's always a form to fill out each time which includes do I exercise regularly, if so how much, do I drink, if so how much and how often, same with smoking and drugs (I'd be quite surprised if anyone answers the last one honestly though!)

I never had a pre-baby HV visit but think the questions are just to sign post you to help just in case you needed it. I had a letter out from the HV service offering me courses on getting off drugs/alcohol/cigarettes, which was nice of them but I'm a bit dull and don't do anything stronger than Twinnings tea. It's a generic thing so try not to worry or take offence. HV get a bad write up on here but mine for my first was just lovely and I found her really helpful.

Its just a lot of box-ticking wankery that helps no-one but makes people feel like they are Doing Something. Anyone who really needs intervention will either be known to the system already (and likely not actually getting any help) or will dodge the intrusive and offensive questioning and not get any help either.

What I find disturbing here is how many people think that this is acceptable in any way. A complete stranger with a short course completed in "being a nosy fucker" asking you about your salary, your childhood, where you go and what you do with your time, your family, fuck knows what else.... are you all quite mad?

goose Wigan was chosen at random, substitute with similarly random area of your choice and perhaps you will arrive at my meaning!

Err yes, it was a comment about random town by town variations, right?

The antenatal visit is now a core visit that health visitors are required to offer to all women, alongside the new birth (10-14days), 6-8 week review, 8-12 months and 2-2.5 years. It is part of the healthy child programme. However, this may not always be the case as sometimes they aren't informed that you are pregnant or there's staffing issues. Those questions are exactly what they have been advised (told) to ask and sometimes it now is a tick box exercise rather than the health visitor using their own initiative. That said, you can never make assumptions about families and there are plenty of middle-class, educated families that have lots of issues including domestic violence, mental health problems, debt, housing issues, personal childhood issues etc. There is no such thing as a normal family.

And just to add, unfortunately health visitors usually only have the chance to identify any concerns over a couple of visits if you're lucky, otherwise it will be presumed that you have none and it will be left up to the parents to contact the HV of you need them, just as you would with any other health service like the GP.
Midwives are supposed to ask very similar, personal questions at the booking in visit but they usually work for an acute trust whilst HVs work in the community trusts, and very rarely the information is shared.