to move the stepkids into the small bedroom...

[bolognaadvice]

10 months ago DP moved into my 3 bed place.
I got rid of my double guest room and turned it into a permanent room for his DDs (5/8) with bunk beds, toy storage etc etc.

My DS (6) is in the box room and always has been. My plan was always to move him into the bigger room when he was older and started playing more in his room by himself. I want to do this now as think it would be much better for him and don't think it would be of any practical impact to the girls. However I really don't want the girls to see it as a sign that they are "inferior" in our home. It seems crazy that my DS is crammed into this box room with no space to play while a huge double room is unoccupied most of the time. The girls are with us 1 night in the week and e/o wkend but when they're here they generally play downstairs with their dad. My DS on the other hand likes to play in his room with his toys after school but it is getting very cramped. He is with me 22 nights per month.

I want to swap the rooms around but am worried it will all kick off if the girls feel "it's not fair".

I'm going to discuss it with DP tonight but thought i'd test the water here first... Be gentle with me, as a stepmum i am really trying and it is very tough.

Now await the people who have only read the first post...

YANBU!! And as Under says above, getting your two girls involved in the redecorating should make them excited about the move. They don't need the extra space as its not their main room. Plus stop calling it the box room, very bad PR!!

I don't think there's a right or wrong to this, it's all dependent on each family's circumstances.

I wanted to pick up on the 'discussing feelings' theme though. I sometimes feel the point of this has got lost - the point is not to encourage endless naval gazing where the person whose feelings are being discussed gets to make themselves centre stage in everything. The point is that some decisions have uncomfortable outcomes for some people, but it's still the best decision for the greater good. If you are one of those people who experiences the less desirable outcome, discussing your feelings is actually about learning to understand why you feel like that so that you can find a way to deal with it without becoming embittered about it.

YANBU
If they're only with you for a short period of time, it's fair to move your son into the larger room. Speak to your DP, but I would do it if I were you

Empress