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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel tricked and taken advantage of?

508 replies

OohMavis · 09/02/2016 14:28

I'm a cakemaker. Valentines is a busy time of the year, but last week DH's brother asked me to make a cake for his girlfriend, so him being family, I fit him in last minute with a discount, price was agreed last week.

He came to pick it up today but instead of paying me, he's told me to ask DH for the money, because DH borrowed it from him Angry and off he went with his cake.

I had no idea DH owed him money. It was for some tickets to a show they went to together which his brother bought on his card for convenience. DH just forgot about it.

AIBU to feel as though he's basically got a free cake out of me, and feel really bloody annoyed and tricked? I'm not going to be paid for the cake (our finances are completely joint, BIL knows this, it would be utterly pointless for DH to pay me). My time has been wasted. I turned down a paying order for him.

Just so angry!

OP posts:
roundaboutthetown · 09/02/2016 20:08

If one member of a couple is a taxpayer and the other a non-taxpayer, guess what? They don't have to pay tax on the full amount held in their joint account, only half of it... because they don't suddenly become one legal entity, responsible for each other's personal debts just because they want easy access to their savings.

Grapejuicerocks · 09/02/2016 20:21

Next time you see his girlfriend remark she must have got a great gift as the cake was free? No, maybe not.

No and not for the same reasons as you kate but because it wasn't free was it? It "cost" bil £30.

roundaboutthetown · 09/02/2016 20:22

Yes,mane it was cheap at half the price. Grin

ElderlyKoreanLady · 09/02/2016 20:32

That would have been the honest thing to do, and there would have been no problem. He has tricked OP into repaying money that she didn't owe.

So you agree, he hasn't actually gained anything? Weird kind of 'trick' to play if you don't end up better off.

roundaboutthetown · 09/02/2016 20:37

He has ended up better off, though - he got his girlfriend a half-price cake. I doubt he would have received quite such a large gesture of goodwill from the OP had she known she was being expected to pay off her dh's debt.

Xmasbaby11 · 09/02/2016 20:42

I cannot believe how het up people are getting about this. She didn't lose any money. Her DH can give her the money. It's not that much of a hassle for him. Surely she would have done the cake anyway if she'd known that?

It was nice of her to do the cake at cost. But he is family and that's a normal thing to do.

ElderlyKoreanLady · 09/02/2016 20:43

Maybe the BIL didn't think OP was petty enough to remove the discount she voluntarily applied simply because it turned out her DH owed him money?

whois · 09/02/2016 20:50

She did loose money.

Say, DP owes BiL £40.

OP makes a cake that she would have charged a 3rd party £60 for but she did at mates rates for £40. She turned down. Profit-paying customer to do this.

OP ends up with zero.

If OP had taken the 3rd party order she would have got £60 less £40 = £20. Ie more than she has now!

whois · 09/02/2016 20:51

Also, value to BiL is £60, so he has essentially turned the £40 owed to him into £60. So ultimately he has won.

ElderlyKoreanLady · 09/02/2016 20:51

She chose not to charge him 60 so wasn't going to get 60 for the cake.

Grapejuicerocks · 09/02/2016 20:53

Bangs head against wall.

If that is the case then bil would be being punished for dh owing him money. Because op had already offered to do it for £30. If she reneged on that to charge the extra she is punishing bil for her husbands crime of not paying him back.

roundaboutthetown · 09/02/2016 20:56

Her husband's crime is nothing to do with her, or should wives now serve prison sentences for their husbands, too? Grin

whois · 09/02/2016 20:56

She chose not to charge him 60 so wasn't going to get 60 for the cake

Only because she didn't have the full information. If BIl had said upfront then she could have made an informed decision about what cake to make - for bill or the 3rd party customer. Hence the feeling of being tricked.

ElderlyKoreanLady · 09/02/2016 21:02

Only because she didn't have the full information. If BIl had said upfront then she could have made an informed decision about what cake to make - for bill or the 3rd party customer. Hence the feeling of being tricked.

As I've said previously, it's only a trick if the BIL honestly thought that OP was petty enough to remove a discount upon learning that her DH hadn't paid the BIL back.

bluesbaby · 09/02/2016 21:07

I'd say it's not so much the money (which in a roundabout way evens out anyway), it's more YOUR time that he's used to repay the debt (by using your service). Not only could you have had a profit making order with potential repeat custom, he's using your time to repay your husband's debt... why the hell should you spend hours working for nothing, using your stock and goods, to make a product to repay a debt of your husbands? Which, incidentally, was not equivilent to 5-6 man hours of work... it was just a few quid, which should have been settled like or like, OR your husband should have spent time doing something to equivilent value.

It's like your BIL sees your time as unvaluable, like your business is nothing. That's what would infuriate me! Not so much the money side of things!

Adeleslostbeehive · 09/02/2016 21:07

It's not just the discount, the OP paid for the cake ingredients on top of the "debt"
Amount

bluesbaby · 09/02/2016 21:08

You could even have chose to take those hours spent repaying the debt relaxing or doing another hobby, rather than working!

bluesbaby · 09/02/2016 21:09

Exactly adeles.... and now you've got to replenish your ingredients lost on a non-paying order, so additional wasted time. Very annoying! I'm annoyed on your behalf!

Original poster
OohMavis · 09/02/2016 21:14

That's pretty much it, blues. BIL sees it as a debt repaid, like-for-like (and a bit more since he got more cake for his money) but I see it as he's put me to work for DH's debt, that I neither knew about or, given the information, would choose to pay.

But anyway, it's done now. He has the cake, the books are balanced (the ones I keep). DH has told him not to ask me for money he owes him in future, it's all good.

No more discount cake.

OP posts:
ElderlyKoreanLady · 09/02/2016 21:16

OP works ingredients costs into her pricing...They're not additional.

And RE this notion that OP is working off her husband's debt...OP's business is essentially selling her time and expertise. Ingredients for 1 cake don't cost £60. She entered an agreement with the BIL to give her services at a reduced cost. The fact that he cancelled out a debt in doing so is neither here nor there.

roundaboutthetown · 09/02/2016 21:17

If, rather than being the bil, it had been a client of the OP's who, unbeknown to the OP, was also a business client of the OP's dh... How would people feel, then, about this client refusing to pay the OP for the cake and telling her she had to get the money off her dh, because he owed the client money?!

ElderlyKoreanLady · 09/02/2016 21:20

Yeah Round who'd have thought relationships would change the dynamics of a situation Hmm

mellicauli · 09/02/2016 21:21

Make another cake and deliver it to his girlfriend. Ice it in a garish colour and inscribe with: "Nothing Says I Love You Like a Cake That Hasn't Been Paid For."

Adeleslostbeehive · 09/02/2016 21:24

But elderly Korean lady she didn't get paid. So it doesn't matter whether the ingredients cost was worked into the price. This order has made her out of pocket by the ingredients cost. Repaying the debt in cash would not have done that.

roundaboutthetown · 09/02/2016 21:26

The relationship does not change the fact he approached a commercial business and asked to pay for a cake to be made. Confused If he wanted a favour, he could've asked for his sil to make him a cake for free and seen how she reacted to that! Grin He totally took advantage of the murky line between favours for family and business.

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