To consider sending my son to a residential weight loss camp against will

[ReallyTired]

My son is fast and lazy. He is 14 years old and completely obnoxious. I love my son, but I hate the fact the only moviation he had is to resist. he does nothing up eat and lie on the sofa. I hope that such a camp will help address why he eats constantly. Maybe it will make him more moviated to make something of his life.

www.morelifecamp.com/dates-pricing/

I am thinking of sending to the camp in the above link. It's very different yo the American fat camps. Even if he puts the weight back on, I think that a residential camp would do him the world of good.

[PurpleDaisies]

ladystoic the op has been around since 2012. That's a heck of a posting history for a troll...

[LadyStoicIsBack]

I know Purple, which is why I didn't say she was trolling or report or anything but just, y'know, when something doesn't quite ring (no bell ringing pun intended) true.

I think maybe AnUtter put it better than me?

'You mean the whole "fat lazy obnoxious 14 year old who does nothing becomes socialite ex-wedding singer with aspirations to be a bell ringer" thing? Yes, it does seem odd. I guess it's either a book I haven't read or a film I haven't seen.'

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Don't be dicks now. If you font have anything constructive to say then don't say anything.

[ReallyTired]

Yes, my son used to sing in the church choir. He got £5 per wedding. There are still churches with choirs and the children get pocket money for singing at weddings. There are churches with bell ringers, so why do think I am a troll.

He used to be a lovely boy, but recently hormones have turned him stroppy and defiant. I believe it's quite common for 14 year olds to be difficult. It is hard to know what is absolence and what is depression. Teens are a time of angst and mood swings. It's like a return to the terrible twos.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Nah, it's pretty obvious the op just wants some advice or support. Not someone questioning whether they are being truthful and making piss poor insinuations of trolling.

[SparkleSoiree]

I've had this issue with my son. I don't want to discuss the details but it isn't about the food it's about psychology. Your son potentially doesn't have a very high opinion of himself and it needs to be handled very delicately and I would be putting pressure on local services to get the psychological help needed, if he does have a real weight problem. We are not talking a few pounds overweight here, in our case it was stones overweight. After counselling and taking control of his behaviour around food DS lost the weight and it was like a chrysalis effect - this wonderfully happy, confident lad emerged who, it turns out, just needed more love than he was receiving in a few areas of his life. His behaviour was just as your described your lad.

Sending your son to a camp may reinforce some idea that you either don't want to or can't help him/show him how to solve the problems in his life. Those kinds of experiences are also very emotionally challenging and would you be happy sending him off somewhere to experience something like that without the support of someone he knows/is comfortable with?

He's your son but I really believe this kind of thing should be dealt with by the parents. He developed his weight problem on your watch, take responsibility and help him fix it and you could start by not referring to him in a negative way on a public forum. If you are writing it here he will be picking up on it somehow at home and how would any kid feel knowing their parents don't think well of them?

[SparkleSoiree]

I think it's easy to fall into the thinking that as they get bigger they need less love and attention as they can look after themselves. Don't let his build fool you, he's still a 14yr old lad inside with lots of growing and developing to do yet.

[EmbroideryQueen]

Using the WHO chart he seems just below the 'obese' category and is in the overweight category. - 97th Centile.

www.rcpch.ac.uk/system/files/protected/page/NEW%20Boys%202-18yrs%20(4TH%20JAN%202013).pdf

OP
Well done for trying to help him, he does sound difficult. I notice the camp is very expensive, which makes me wonder, would a private school (or a different private if he is already at one?) be an option for him? I mention it as some privates do a huge amount of sport - one of the ones my DC attended has 8 hours per week timetabled plus if the DC chose sporty clubs they could have up to an additional 5 hours per week (plus matches on occasion). If not an option, would it be possible to get him to do extra curricular sports clubs?

[altctrldel]

You sound a delight OP. Your post drip with disdain for your own child.

Good luck having a relationship with him when hes older if he has any common sense 👍🏻

[Proginoskes]

OP, I have a DS who's 14-nearly-15. He's about 5'8", wiry, and just over 8 stone. I am telling you this just to say that I have experience with trying to get someone of his size into a car to go someplace he doesn't want to go. I'm 5'5" and while overweight also v. muscular (used to play rugby). If my DS were seriously fighting me, it would not be possible for me to get him to, let alone INTO the car without injuring him. Matter of fact, even when he's "play" fighting me I can't move him more than five or ten feet without putting him in a fireman's carry, and it would be really easy, if someone were fighting, to wreck my back that way.

Now, as far as your DS' current and past weights, and his patterns of putting on weight. Don't look around at other boys his age, they don't matter a jot. The people you need to look at are his male biological relatives: your father/brothers, his father and GF and uncles, etc. My brother was so "obese" that he was clear off the growth charts until he was twelve. Then his growth spurt started. When he finally got done at 19, he ended up at 6'2" and 11 stone, and that has been his weight since, no matter what he does or does not eat or his level of exercise. My DS was VERY chubby in a manner similar to his uncle but I have never restricted his eating, just provided appropriately healthful food for him. In his 13yo yearly physical he was 5'3" and 7 and a half stone. So, in less than two years he's gained five inches height, but less than a stone in weight. Do you see why I'm saying it's more important to look at familial growth/weight patterns?

I agree that boys of 14 can be horrible sometimes, but it's our job as their parents to teach them how to interact appropriately with us, their peers and their teachers. It's also our job to model for them how to eat healthfully. A 14yo boy who is growing feels like he is STARVING and his body is telling him to get energy from anywhere possible and they are probably not psychologically capable of "learning to moderate eating". The quickest energy is from carbohydrates, which is why he's going after bread and sweets. My DS can put away alarming amounts of food in a day! I simply accept that he needs that energy to grow and focus on providing it in the form of lean protein, fruits and veg as much as possible. (And no, I'm not a wonder-mum by any means; my DS is also very sedentary and tbh I could be doing a lot more in terms of getting him out playing sport and building muscle.)

I really fear that if you were to send him to a "fat camp" you would put him in danger of acquiring a disordered relationship with food (note I did not say an eating disorder) that will remain with him for his entire life. You would do him a much bigger favour by making a change to healthier food in the house and sharp-focusing instead on the reasons behind his obnoxious behaviour.

Best of luck to you and your DS!

[FixItUpChappie]

OP is there anything, anything that he wants that you could bargain with to get him to go to the camp and/or to a counsellor - a guitar, tickets to an amazing concert/soccer game, video console, a go cart camp.....anything? You have two camps to consider - what kind of carrots could gain some cooperation (that is the best category to aim for) and are there and sticks so to speak that might move him (goodbye TV/games/phone that kind of thing).

[FixItUpChappie]

oh and I would consider just an active, interesting teen camp - just to shake the dust off of him, get him having fun and spark some new interests instead of perhaps trying to sell a "fat camp". I went to some really active camps as a teen - long canoe trips, mountaineering.....would anything like that get more traction?

[Pythonesque]

Proginoskes has, I think, the right of it. Some very useful advice there for you.

I think your son actually doesn't need to lose weight at the moment, just to be allowed to grow into his current weight, without putting on too much more too quickly. So rather than focussing on weight loss try to focus on his activity levels and/or the reason for them. I absolutely agree that if a camp in the summer is a reasonable option you should be looking purely at activity based ones. And choose something WITH him. Perhaps come up with a shortlist of options and see what catches any glimmer of interest.

Bell-ringing does sound a good plan. I wonder what is actually stopping him going with it - general inertia? or something else? How much does he miss the defined role he was able to play in his church choir? His sense of identity will perhaps be in flux at the moment, part of the problem of teens!

Why don't you talk to someone at your church who knows him well. There might well be someone, perhaps an older teen, who could directly encourage your son to join them at ringing practice or join them in learning.

Good luck finding the right path forward! Think as far outside the box as you can and something will hopefully click for you both.

[ComposHatComesBack]

Reading between the lines, it appears to me that the op doesn't much like her son's behaviour and seems to want to use his weight as a stick to beat him with and 'fat camp' as punishment for being rude and lazy. It all seems a bit arse about face to me.

[sofato5miles]

Send him. It could be the making of him. My friend's dad sent him to swimming camp to instill some discipline and fitness. He still swims competitively now, in his 50s and says it was the making of him.

[IJustLostTheGame]

Send him.
My mum was at the end of her tether with my sisters eating disorder (anorexia) and sent her to a cooking lesson week.
It was run as a treatment for anorexics and bulimic.
It helped enormously.
The other kids on the camp may become friends.

I think you're being given a hard time OP.

And whether you're fat or otherwise, being obnoxious at 15 is kind of par for the course. I was truly truly vile.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

What does he want?

[Equiem89]

How about something like the Body Coach. I'm guessing at 14 he likes using social media and can watch the Instagram videos. He can learn to prepare the simple recipes himself and do some of the HIIT training

[SuburbanRhonda]

proginoskes

You play fight with a 15-year-old?

[Katenka]

Op I have sympathy for you. My dd is younger but was starting to act similar. Because she was younger I had a little bit more control over the situation.

I signed her up for martial arts. She had been bullied and told her it was to give her confidence etc. The dojo also talks about nutrition and how it can help you improve in the sport.

The martial art has actually taught her how hard work pays off, give her more grit and determination and improved her will power over food. Even if you offer her chocolate, more often than not she says no. She eats mindfully now. Her sport at school has improved, her confidence has and she works harder than ever.

I understand what you are trying to do. I do think that if he doesn't want to go he won't get anything out of it z I would either try something else first or pitch this as an opportunity to spend time in another country having fun. I have no idea if he will buy that though.