To consider sending my son to a residential weight loss camp against will

[ReallyTired]

My son is fast and lazy. He is 14 years old and completely obnoxious. I love my son, but I hate the fact the only moviation he had is to resist. he does nothing up eat and lie on the sofa. I hope that such a camp will help address why he eats constantly. Maybe it will make him more moviated to make something of his life.

www.morelifecamp.com/dates-pricing/

I am thinking of sending to the camp in the above link. It's very different yo the American fat camps. Even if he puts the weight back on, I think that a residential camp would do him the world of good.

[fusionconfusion]

If you think he's depressed, choose to pay out for mental health intercention instead of fat camp.

[PurpleDaisies]

You need the child version anutteridiot. It puts the boy on the 97th centile for 14year old boys.

[Hairyfairy01]

If your figures on height and weight are correct he's not overweight.

[ValiantMouse]

Stop buying bread if he's eating loads of that?

[notquitehuman]

It might make him more motivated, but I'd worry that as soon as he doesn't have that team of experts to give him a kick up the arse, he'll simply go back to old habits. I mean, hopefully it'd give him confidence and he'll want to continue when he's home, but it really could go either way.

At 14 he could go on Slimming World or Weight Watchers, although that'd obviously involve a lot of motivation on his part. Could he go to a gym with you? You might find that as he gets older and more image aware, he might want to exercise and eat healthy.

[PurpleDaisies]

For those saying he isn't overweight...

[ReallyTired]

BMI is a poor indicator of obesity. The fact he has to wear plus size clothes shows he is overweight. Children's BMI is different to adults.

When we saw the GP he was a lot heavier and shorter. He was on the 99 centile according to our GP. He has got slimmer, but it's s hell of a battle. He needs to learn to take responsibility for his own eating.

GingerCuddle I assume you hav no experience of over weight teens otherwise you would not spout such crap. My son lives in a home not an institution. He had no learning difficulties and will one day live independently.
A child has to learn to live in the real world. When my son is an adult there will be no lock on the cupboard. He will have to learn to moderate his own eating.

[Italiangreyhound]

ReallyTired I am sorry you son is having these problems.

If he wants to go to the camp, and you can afford it, great... but if he does not want to go, how will you get him there!

You said I believe he is depressed will this be addressed at the camp, will he be helped? Because if not, I am not sure how the camp will really help him.

The friends he makes and contacts will be linked to the camp, will there be any on-going support afterwards?

If you are keen to do this I think it would be good to ensure your son is on board. You could also try a trial run with a personal trainer, someone really nice and approachable, not someone who will humiliate or overload your son.

Can you encourage your son with sports or activities that may motivate him. I took up Taekwan-do a while ago and love it.

Good luck, I hope it works, being over weight is not great (I know, I am) but it is also quite complex and really not something that can always be 'fixed' by people outside the overweight individual themselves.

I am sure you know his BMI, is it very high? I am not sure how the 99% relates to this.

Hope your son will be fine.

[PurpleDaisies]

I am sure you know his BMI, is it very high? I am not sure how the 99% relates to this.

The way centiles work is that if you have 100 boys and line them il in weight order, only only will be heavier than the op's son. Being on the 50th centiles means you are exactly average.

[Italiangreyhound]

Oopse cross-posted, I did not see the BMI stuff.

He has got slimmer, but it's s hell of a battle. He needs to learn to take responsibility for his own eating. How has he got slimmer, is there any chance this could progress?

Are there potential any medical things that could be relating to weight, only asking. I put on my weight as an adult (late 20s) so no idea how it works for children and teens.

The world in the west is full of food, you cannot go to many places without being offered a chocolate bar or crisps to buy! So OP you are so right about the amount of food temptations that are there but I do also feel it is helpful not to have too many at home. I try and limit what I buy because I know me and the kids will eat it and we don't need it, but it is not easy.

Could you also try enrolling him in some healthy eating/cooking classes, blending healthy smoothies etc.

It's obvious you love and care for him and I do hope it will all work out for your son.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

My other is slim and very atheletic. I am not sure where I have gone wrong with my son.

I feel for you op, it's sound like an exhausting struggle. This attitude however, where you are comparing your children and suggesting that you have failed as a parent because of who your son is, is not helpful in any way at all. He will pick up on it and think you're resentful towards him. In turn, it could make the situation worse.

[Italiangreyhound]

Thanks PurpleDaisies I understand that but I guess I still don't really see how that relates to weight. I tend to like numbers, e.g. BMI of ??, this is because I have dieted a lot over the years!

When do they stop using percentiles for children? Why don't they use them for adults?

To me it just seems a funny way to understand weight or anything really in relation to everyone else - because it is not a set healthy figure but just in relation to everyone else, if that makes sense!

[GingerCuddleMonsterThe2nd]

I have plenty experience with overweight teens, especially having been one myself. I'd even say morbidly obese as a teen actually.

I'm 26now, my mother simproved the situation by basically removing everything that was causing a issue. Or she very strictly co trolled what was allowed till I got the hang of it myself that I only needed 2 biscuits with a cup of tea and not 2packets

You can't sit back and say oh he's so fat I need to send him to a camp on one hand and then with the other leave everything that is a temptation and his vice at arms length. If you go on a diet, would you purchase all the food you can't have and leave it on the counter? Or would you simply not purchase it? Or thirdly if you did have to purchase it for others in the household would you have the willpower to not eat it?

Now think your 14 with impulsive teenage tendencies and it's ars arms length yeah your going to eat it why do you think some parents put a sweet cupboard out of reach oofyoung children? So they can't get it and they tact moderation? Nothings out of reach for your son at this stage so your going to have a to a) change your shopping habbits completely as a family or b) lock it away or store it in secrecy.

Your sin hasn't learnt moderation possibly so teach it through whatever means is necassary, and do it yourself rather than rely on a camp and then just shrug your shoulders and call him difficult when he comes home and piles all that weight on again.

[Italiangreyhound]

AnUtterIdiot speaks so much sense, people must love themselves to nurture themselves well. Anything that induces shame or guilt will be counter productive. Plus PaulAnkaTheDog is right if you are comparing the children.

Your son may be being obnoxious at the moment, if he is depressed and fat he may feel he cannot achieve what he wants so may think - why not just be really difficult.

[caroldecker]

Just stop providing food or him to eat - your child, your responsibility.

[ReallyTired]

"When do they stop using percentiles for children? Why don't they use them for adults? "

Most children are still growing at 14. In my son class there are boys who are over six foot tall and children who have not yet had their massive teenage growth spurt. Children often a have a little bit off puppy fat, but not quantity of fat my son has. It makes assessing whether child is overweight a bit more complicated.

I think that BMI becomes appriopiate when you are sure a child had stopped growing.

[GingerCuddleMonsterThe2nd]

I really feel for this poor kid, he's about to be sent away against his will, whilst his mother keeps his slim superior sibling at home

I mean how many "issues" do you want to give this poor boy?!

[ReallyTired]

My son has a good social life. Temptation is all around him. He needs to learn to manage that temptation. He has some of his own money from singing at weddings before his voice broke. He claims he wants to earn money by ringing the bells at church. He is full of good intentions, but he can't be arsed to go to the practices to learn how.

No I do not plan to take away money he earnt through hard work in the past.

Caroldecker not feeding my child is not sensible. He needs to learn portion control. I can not supervise him 24/7. He is not a little boy. He needs to be prepared for the real world.

[ReallyTired]

"I mean how many "issues" do you want to give this poor boy?!"

Really... He's not that daft. He knows his sister is only six.

[GingerCuddleMonsterThe2nd]

Send him to camp then, you seem pretty set it's the only solution, so do it. At the end of the day he is your child, so it's your choice.

Dragging a 70kg 167cm boy is no easy task though, good luck

[thatsalovelyhat]

Is there anyone else he can talk to about what he is feeling, without the parent/child relationship to get in the way?