To think that everything has to be a 'thing'

[Abbinob]

These days?
E.g
Going to a mates house to play = play date
Feeding baby bits off your plate = baby led weaning.
Baby playing with bowl of rice = sensory play
No one goes on a diet anymore they make a "lifestyle change"
A coffee can't even be a coffee anymore it has to be a mochalattaoohlala. At home! At home!! Wheres the nescafe!?

Maybe Im uneducated or something but jeez

Bestie is another which annoys me.

Someone on Facebook had posted a photo of herself with a friend last night, with the caption "This girl though. My stunning bestie"
Not just bestie but This girl though?

Oh, and "my girls" or "my ladies" when used to talk about a group of friends.

Cloth bumming sounds likesome niche anal sex practice where you keep your pants on.

Don't get me started on my other pet hates. "Serving suggestion" is one. There are five separate reasons why that pisses me off.

I'm not sure, but having actually counted the ways could be even more disturbing than ordering "can I get a skinny wet latte to go, hold the shakes"

Demand avoidance is a thing though. It isn't naughtiness. It's a state where the existence of the demand (request/order) causes a state of turmoil and is resisted. It isn't the requested/ordered task that is resisted (AKA defiance/naughtiness) but the request itself. Which is why the approach of saying "oh I think I need to put my shoes on if we're going to the shops....." can lead to shoe donning but "can you put your shoes on, please" can trigger a huge scene of seeming defiance. Because it isn't about the shoes.

The rest, I agree completely

Can I add workplace "relationships"? My organisation employs people to 'manage relationships' which basically means, well, getting along with people surely?

Not all mini beasts will be insects though. HTH.

I've gotten past the coffee problem by just growling large, black coffee at the dimwit behind the counter.

I hate menus where they decide to give me the meats travel itinerary and I suspect I may have mentioned it before as my local butcher handed over my steaks the other day with the words "you'll like those Gavin was always a happy beast"

Company speak is another bugbear - anyone remember matrix management? I used to start reports off with "To whom it may concern".

Hurrah I love this thread

My current pet hate is "Brexit" (as in, Britains exit from the EU)

Fuuuuuuuck ooooooofffffff.

It is right up there with "Indyref". Makes me a bit stabby.

(I voted no...)

Also 'the Internet is freaking out over x' no it isn't, a few people have commented on something.

"disagree with the mindfulness= having a think though. Not the same thing"

Bit curious as to what it is then

See pics, its simple on the one hand but incredibly subtle and a lifetimes worth of effort on the other.

I blame buzzfeed for a lot of these "things".

Seafood, I don't get it. What's wrong with Mum or Mummy?

I love this thread & agree with all of it - especially the attachment parenting, BLW, cloth bumming nonsense.

I also relate to the Scottish poster upthread and the meaningless shite that is Curriculum for Excellence - consolidating, my arse. When she was in primary, my DD's report cards were just a jumble of meaningless, ugrammatic jargon - oooh, I can feel myself raging just recalling it

I have to say, mindfulness looks very much like having a wee think about things to me. Obviously some people can only do that through the medium of a wanky wee frog graphic, but I think people have generally managed to have a quiet think about things for the past few thousand years prior to irritating poster art...

Agreed it is irritating, but people don't find it easy to understand, hence why they think it is having a think about things.
People were using mindfulness and having a think for thousands of years before "creative innovators" who were desperately trying to "find themselves" realised you could make money from something that is free from people who are not 100% happy all the time

Why call a spade a spade when you can call it an agricultural implement?

Yes to most of these or should I say #lovinit. - arrghhh
I will add 'golden thread' used in the office in such wankery as 'let's make sure the presentation illustrates the golden thread of the feedback'
I will strangle you with the fucking golden thread !!

'Mama' particularly grates. Someone who
calls themselves a 'mama' is telling you they are far too empathetic, devoted, self-sacrificing, healthy and generally special to just be a mum like everyone else.

Also 'natural' when applied to anything to do with babies. What people actually mean by 'natural' tends to be 'oh some tribes in obscure places I'd be too scared to go on holiday reportedly do this, and because I believe they are primitive and therefore closer to nature whatever they're doing must be morally superior to all the horrid technology and materialism that is separating us from our babies so I'm going to adopt it, completely out of context, Instagram the fuck out of it and make it a thing that's superior to your thing because I'm a mama dontcha know'.

By the same yardstick witchcraft as a form of medical intervention is also 'natural' but oddly you don't hear the mamas advocating that except in California.

We don't have customers anymore, we have users. Hilarious at a recent sales & marketing meeting to hearpeople correct themselves constantly.
Also independent learning time for my reception dd - or playing in the classroom with limited teacher/ta input or in the case of 1 school I visited, wandering around aimlessly

Bit at the Mama hatred - at least some of the time, it's a dialectal thing.

Parts of the US use Mama / Momma (both spellings sound the same with a short O sound, emphasis on first syllable) in place of Mommy when the kids are little, graduating to Mom when they're older.

Parts of Ireland sometimes use Mama / Mamma (flat A, emphasis on first syllable) as well as Mammy when children are very little, and move onto Mam when they're older.

They're a million miles from the Mamaaaaah (aw A, emphasis on second syllable) name that has a touch of the Downton Abbey / Hyacinth Bucket about it

Totally agree about the "earth mama" thing being a lifestyle label rather than what your kids call you... It's very much an Americanism to my ear, and comes with a hint of patchouli.

Twistedheartache, and when the customers, sorry, users, are there only under duress they become "clients". When did that happen?

Grown women in their forties referring to each other as 'bestie' on Facebook makes me cringe. It seems so juvenile.

"Back in the day"

Which day? At the end of the day?
If they mean 'in the past' why not, you know, say in the past?

Baby led weaning as OP says. I thought it must be some marvellous new method. You mean you give baby food ? To eat herself ? Wow, I must buy a book about this revolutionary idea, it's not like people have always given babies food! Fuck off.

"Hi guys, I'll be serving you this evening" says the waiter/waitress. Well, that's up to us, I think and by the way I'm a customer not your mate and you just lost your tip.

Well folks. I am feeling pent up so here for your benefit are the five ways in which "serving suggestion" induces rage:

1. The mere sound of it (alliteration of the "s"s) is just plain twee, pompous and irritating.

1. It is patronising to the purchaser. Do I really need a suggestion as to how to "serve" fishfingers?

1. It is misleading. Take e.g. ready meal Chinese. The picture on the box makes it look like you'll be eating an abundance of authentic food in downtown Hong Kong. When you open up the packet there is of course just a few sad shrink wrapped spring rolls.

1. It is *duplicitous". A pally phrase, "serving suggestion", is used, as if Findus' entire corporate mission is to help you in your meal planning strife. Actually the reality is that ...

1. ...it is entirely self interested - the note that it is merely a "serving suggestion" is only there to protect them from claims that their packaging is misleading.

May the Lord have mercy on them for I know I shan't.