To ask if anyone has quit their good, highly paid stressful job for a smaller one?

[joanneg36]

I am seriously struggling with the 'having it all' at the moment and interested in others' experiences. Has anyone ever quit their 'brilliant' (on paper) job for work/life balance reasons and how did you manage/what did you do next?

I work four days a week in a senior-ish job. London and well paid but not law/city type money. Husband works too and earns similar. My 'four days', like many people, is in reality 7 days work squeezed into 4 and I am on email all hours. Kids are 5 and 1 and I just feel exhausted and as though I can't go on like this.

We could cope financially with me earning less, we'd have to cut back but it would be sacrifices of the meals out/foreign holidays type rather than not being able to pay bills etc. My bigger fear is about risk to my future earning potential and just general fear of unknown. I don't know how easy it would be to find a 'smaller' more part-time job in my industry but I feel I could at least try....

Interested in all thoughts - feel free to tell me to stop moaning and get on with it!

I quit my well paid job in London 17 years ago to move abroad.

Job followed me (which I kind of gambled on - no one is irreplaceable, but some of us would cost a lot of money to replace) and I genuinely do have the best of both worlds. I worked as a consultant 3 days a week for 7 years, and for the last 10 have been theoretically full-time but working from home with a lot of control over when and how I do my work. I'm paid to do a job not for my time - sometimes I do a lot more than my contracted 35h a week, but often I do less. I'm efficient and reliable and my employer trusts me to get the job done.

Obviously no one has it all - I've sacrificed the "opportunity" to move into senior management - but since I want a life as well as a career, that is fine by me. Job still requires commitment and travel but I have a lot of autonomy and I am here for my teenagers when they need me.

Ok choughed and Sadie, couldn't give a shit if my comments made you nauseous. I'm speaking from experience, having gone back to full time work when both babies were only 4 months and stopping breastfeeding early for that. And did I get any thanks from work? Definitely not. And do I regret it? You bet. And do men get this grief /guilt. No coz they can't effing breastfeed. Men and women have. Different feelings. Get over it. Those were mine. Wish I could go back in time and do it all again but differently. Yes I was always knackered, but still a beautiful time in you life. Now go and be sick again.

Yes I did. Every job I had since graduating involved signing an opt out from the Working Time Directive.

I don't regret it overall - I did enjoy having the time with the DDs, being able to go and in and read at school, help on school trips etc. I have said goodbye to my career though, and am taking a completely new direction now that I'm going back to work. In the meantime I have done some self employed stuff and some part time work, though I had a couple of years with no paid work at all. I do miss the confidence being in paid work gave me though.

Chill out Clee I'm sorry you found yourself in a difficult situation when your kids were younger but it doesn't help OP to unequivocally urge her to jack it all in to look after her bubz.

And I will always maintain that men should ask themselves the same question about their careers and working hours once they become parents. I come from a country where men play a much bigger role in childcare than in the UK, I think the U.K.s "norm" of fatherhood is poor TBH.

My Dh would've killed to be able to stay at home or work p/time and still would. No way I'm letting him get to do that... I call the shots lol! It's all about choice. Not telling OP what to do... But she does sound like she wants us to tell her what we think straight up from our different life choices (returns to rugby)

I was forced into it when I was made redundant when the housing market crashed (property lawyer ) However we cut our cloth to suit our budget and were helped by the fact we had no debts and our mortgage was small.

I loved the fact that I was able to spend the time with my boys who were 4 & 18 mths at the time. There was nothing available to apply for so the choice was taken out of my hands really.

I have been doing a bit of locuming since then and am currently working 2 days a week covering maternity leave.

I wouldn't change a thing. We have managed fine.

Yep, gradually progressing down the greasy pole despite a masters and tons of experience. Can't have 2 parents working f/t in London and so it falls to me to compromise. And trying to make it work but frustrating working in a much more junior role for a fairly inexperienced boss simply for the much vaunted work life balance.

In my country of origin (not the UK, Canada or the US), I used to work with an international organization in refugee camps. It was extremely lucrative (we were paid in dollars, which considering the exchange rate compared to the national currency, made us some of the most highly-paid ppl in the country), terribly stressful and easily rolled over in our private/family lives.
One extreme example was when one refugee stalked me to my home and nobody could do anything about it.

I worked there for 8 years. then we immigrated to Canada. I've worked in several office jobs since, and I went back to school for a grad studies and I'll be hitting the job market next year.

None of the jobs I held have anything like the same level of stress and horribleness of the refugee job. We've done all right financially, although we're nothing like as financially secure as we once were. I enjoy academia though- ppl talk about how stressful it is and how busy they are, and I laugh at them in my head.

you're not Welsh are you Clee?

That's a shame Clee. My daughter was in the very lucky position of being able to breast feed for about two years or more.

I do genuinely feel for anyone who feels they don't have a choice when others are depending on them. Fathers or mothers alike. There's nothing worse than ' having to do something' rather than choosing to do something.

I remember a few threads ago a mn on here said her lovely policeman husband was reduced to sobbing on the floor when he had a breakdown owing to too much pressure from work.

It's so wrong when lovely people are squeezed like that.

It just seems its the way madness lies when people are employing a whole army of people to keep their own lives afloat. I honestly don't mean that in a nasty,bitter or twisted way but when it comes to breaking point its time to have an exit plan.

There was never a boatload of money in our home. I couldn't tell you how much money was floating around but I had no sense of lack. Mum and dad were never stressed or exhausted. One er knew what the words meant. There was good food on the table, we were well clothed, house was neat, tidy and comfortable . We had modest holidays twice a year and drove a modest car. We could've been rich for all I knew.

Dad was a shift worker. We lived in a nice council house on a lovely estate and mum did not work. I never remember what I got as presents but I do remember my mum always being at home when school finished and the fun we had in the holidays.

Society has not progressed at all. It's gone back over. Yes, there are more opportunities for women and maybe for men too and people from poorer and ethnic backgrounds which is all good but we have lost the lovely simplicity of our lives. Depression and mental illness were around when I was growing up but not on the scale it is today.

As for David Cameron saying we are all in this together! Really? I don't think so!

What does your DH do? And by that I mean what hours does he work, if he's FT could he reduce to 4 days a week like you or do you both already do that? How much time do you spend commuting? Is it possible for you or DH to reduce that?

I'd really think twice about giving up earning potential, I've never stopped work and I'm still finding it hard to up the speed of my career now my kids are a bit older, some managers seem to think once you are on the mummy track you can never get back on your previous career path.

Agree with all you just said Dowser, We are so torn between money/career and being happy and stress free but poorer. So many mental health /anxiety problems around. We really need to tackle this and not see it as male/female divide. Most men just want their partners to be happy.
Irish, Choughed. Great match.

Yes, excellent game. Bodes well for the rest of the tournament.

I have also done this....but it was surprisingly hard! It was very difficult to get a different job, because I was so obviously very over-qualified.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel like it's a real feminist issue. Just because I'm hideously over-qualified, why can't I make the decision to take several steps down.

It is a feminist issue, agree. Makes me livid when I think about it. All that wasted experience and expertise let go. This is recognised by some forward thinking workforce planners/gov bods. But still no one does much about it other than tinkering around the edges.

Thanks so much for all responses. Should have said earlier that DH also works 4 days a week so on paper we should be living the dream! The issue is primarily with my job and the expected hours not suiting my life as it currently is. I do have a long commute though, 1hr 15 mins in each direction, and this is impossible to change - can't work closer to home, can't afford to live closer to London.

Yep. Quit my lucrative corporate job for a less intense, lower paid role with a not for profit. Ended up massively resenting working for less money, even though its infinitely less stressful. However, it has given me the space to focus on the other things in my life, work out what I'd rather be doing professionally, and have a baby. So, a change for the best in the end.

I'm afraid I think that commuting 1 1/4hours each way in order to live in a family area within spitting distance of London, isn't that bad if it enables you to continue your career at a reasonable level (thinking long-term when your childcarcosts will be lower). If it isinsufferable for you then this really is the time to think about moving areas and or jobs.

I agree movingonmymind, it isn't insufferable and that's why I've done it for the last five years, for the long-term reasons you say. Sometimes it feels very hard though!

Not RTFT (120 posts!) so replying to the OP.

Are you sure that taking a lower salary would necessarily mean less money for holidays etc. If you work locally you save costs for childcare (massive) commute (also massive) as well as saving on conveniences such as take out sandwiches, ready meals etc. I work from home freelance and when I factor out the costs of all these I am earning as much if not more than when schlepping into London for hours every day.

I did this. Quit my 5 days a week, blackberry always on, city job. Took a job which is much easier for me, easy commute, pays £20k less. I'm happier and it's worth it.

I think you've got nothing to lose by asking for:

A. One day from home to reduce the commute (to 7.5 hours a week)
B. Sensible arrangements re reducing the workload

I'd really think very carefully before chucking in a well paid 4 day a week job

They do need you more the older they get IME although it gets easier in other ways.

I had all the makings of a "high flying" career in law - trained and qualified at a magic circle firm - but realised fairly early on I could not hack the lifestyle. The money was amazing of course but I hated the hours and had constant anxiety about not being good enough. I have a lot of family pressure to be the best and have a great career and it took meeting my (now) husband to realise it's ok to leave a job I hate. I found a job in law in the civil service which has the benefit of sounding very prestigious but being a job I can totally handle and LOVE. At first the pay cut wasn't too hideous because per hour it was probably equivalent even though I now work 9-5! Over the years though of course with austerity and pay freezes it has got worse and worse but what I did swap in pay I got back in flexibility and family-friendliness in spades. My boss actively helped me get a three day a week job after maternity leave (and my case load is 60% of what it would be if I worked 5 days per week) and is very encouraging of me progressing to the next level of job if I want it. The key is that I love my current role, don't have to squeeze a full time job into 3 days a week, and have plenty of holiday etc to cover childcare emergencies/sickness. I do sometimes miss earning more but I would never go back to that life and it works so well for me being a working mum. I am one of the few women I know who genuinely loves what I do and feels like I have it all. I don't, however, feel like we can really afford another child right now as two in nursery feels like a stretch too far. I wish you the very best of luck In finding what you need.

We are so torn between money/career and being happy and stress free but poorer

I agree. It seems to me these days that success is measured by how high up the career ladder we climb, and how much money we have in the bank. It's been forgotten how much more there is to life than that.

OP, only you ( and your family) can know what's right for you. Do what would make you happiest. Is the stress worth the extra money? Just remember that nobody 'has it all'. There's always a sacrifice to be made, for both men and women.

I agree budgiegirl. Sometimes on threads like these - thankfully not so much on this one yet - there is a huge amount of judgement on those of us who choose not to put financial gains at the absolute top of our list.

DH could also choose to earn more money and rise higher than he is currently if he chose to increase his commuting distance and/or worked from London a few days a week. But like me he values being at home at a reasonable hour and spending time with DS.

We're very comfortable and have enough money to go on holidays, replace cars, put in money to pensions etc.

The trade off of me going back to a stressful position with all the juggling that entails just for a few extra grand doesn't seem worth it. I do however have a longer term plan to go contracting once DS at senior school (although all these scary stories about how they need you more when they are teens is slightly off-putting).

Also something having DS has taught me is that nothing is absolute. OP could give up job, reduce grade, go full time, try to job share or stay the same , but regardless of whatever decision she makes things could totally change in a couple of years. Personally I think it's worth trying to keep your skills current in some capacity and earn some money hence my decision to keep working albeit at a reduced capacity.