To ask if anyone has quit their good, highly paid stressful job for a smaller one?

[joanneg36]

I am seriously struggling with the 'having it all' at the moment and interested in others' experiences. Has anyone ever quit their 'brilliant' (on paper) job for work/life balance reasons and how did you manage/what did you do next?

I work four days a week in a senior-ish job. London and well paid but not law/city type money. Husband works too and earns similar. My 'four days', like many people, is in reality 7 days work squeezed into 4 and I am on email all hours. Kids are 5 and 1 and I just feel exhausted and as though I can't go on like this.

We could cope financially with me earning less, we'd have to cut back but it would be sacrifices of the meals out/foreign holidays type rather than not being able to pay bills etc. My bigger fear is about risk to my future earning potential and just general fear of unknown. I don't know how easy it would be to find a 'smaller' more part-time job in my industry but I feel I could at least try....

Interested in all thoughts - feel free to tell me to stop moaning and get on with it!

I am amazed, fusion. I couldn't have coped with re training and a move with the child that's probably only about 3. Mine are 7 11 now and the thought of having to do anything besides my job, run their life, the house just seems too much. I'm still in awe of people who can manage to do something meaningful. My brain can't even function in an intellectually stimulating way for any length of time. I don't think I could do it everyday. I think I probably could when the kids are older - like about 18 but then I'll be too old probably facing retirement

I did the retraining too. Dc2 was two when I started, dc1 was just turning up 4yo.

It's the training and its stimulation that kept me sane in the early years.

How did you find the time?

I don't see anywhere near as much male angst going on over this stuff

For what it's worth my DH regularly gets angsty about this stuff. He worries about the fact that we both work FT and other people feed our two children three meals a day, 5 days a week. He refuses to leave a job in the City that he is ambivalent about and gives him little personal development because it currently offers a better work life balance. He regularly rebuts his management's view when they query aloud "why isn't your wife doing it [leaving early to deal with a sick child]?". And about once a quarter considers becoming a SAHP. There is no assumption at all that as the woman I would be best placed to be the SAHP.

He's by no means perfect but the times they are a changing I think, at least for couples where incomes are equal.

Treadsoftly, your H is unusual IME, at least in south east England!

The proportion of SAHDs relative to SAHMs also remains tiny.

The proportion of SAHDs relative to SAHMs also remains tiny.

And that is a great shame.

Admittedly things are changing in that respect, I know a couple where the H took several months paternity leave, for example. But that's it. 1 couple out of probably 50 I know. I think as long as the gender pay gap exists it will never be as viable for the man to give it all up as he's bringing in the lion's share of the income (the couple I mention were in that exact situation, she was earning more).

I have done it. Senior management in the NGO sector, travel abroad and within home country. Next step would have been CEO. My priority was job satisfaction rather than status or money, but they came with the package and were very pleasant

Then I adopted DD, and my priorities changed. Although the adoption was the effect of changing priorities rather than cause.

Having said that, looking after DD includes being able to provide for her financially as well as emotionally, plus having the emotional stability to meet her needs - both of which in my case do involve working outside the home. Financial needs include plans for an income once I retire, not just immediate needs. My emotional well being requires a life in the wider world, the structure of going to work, and the interaction with other adults. Having said that, I could get that by working on a voluntary basis if I didn't need the money.

I have been lucky in finding PT work - while it has been far more junior than before, in each job I have learnt something new that adds to my CV. I have thought about offering pro bono consultancy to NGOs to keep my links and expertise up to date, but for various reasons have decided not to. I don't think it would have been difficult to find organisations who would have liked my input though, it's just not the right time for personal reasons. If I ever want to go back to that career I can probably use that route in.

Luckily the NGO sector is a bit more used to the idea of career breaks and flexible working, plus there are not the same demands in terms of continuing professional development than if I had been e.g. a doctor.

But as others have mentioned, it's not either/or. Perhaps being stricter with boundaries would do it - do you enjoy your job apart from the way it affects your family life? (Part of the reason I found it easy to change was that I was burnt out with constant fundraising and juggling financially because the need is always greater than the resources).

Would the same job in a different company allow you more flexibility? Could you freelance or do consultancy work, while planning not to make much money (so you can turn down work if you want to).

From my experience and reading this thread, those who have been happy down shifting have done it with a clear idea of what they want, rather than what they don't want, if that makes sense?

Yes re men and women thuings are not always sexist. Even 30 years ago before we got engaged he said if either of us ended up having to stop work because childcare was not working it would be him and then throghout the 20 years he was the one to get home first to let our daily nanny go (cheapest childcare option with 3 and then 5 children). Even back in the 1960s my father played a full domestic role. I suspect some families are just sexist to the core going back generations and others aren't.

I agree it's not either or in terms of changing your life and having less pay. Many women change their life and earn more not less. I left my job as solicitor when I earned as much from my other legal work outside work as that and then went on to earn many multiples of what I earned before as have many many other women who set up their own companies, hedge funds and the like. It can mean more not less money.

I think it depends a lot on personality types as well, I went for coffee with two old uni mates (same degree then all did masters) at the weekend and our career paths have been so different.

They both have achieved a lot more than me, whereas at 28 I'm still very junior. But, I think they were both more willing to push themselves than I was. For e.g., they both got really stressed when doing their masters whereas I quite enjoyed mine.

I think basically although we are all as bright as each other in a strict academic sense I'm the kind of person that wants to go home at 5pm and there's nothing wrong with that.

DC1 isn't here for another couple of months but I don't think for me it'll be worth doing the whole career slog. The reasons why I want to work are 'to help people' and for intellectual stimulation. Something I'd be able to do with volunteering more easily than with junior level work.

GreenRug

The pay gap is caused by inequality in child rearing, not the other way around.

As the man in the couple is often older than the woman and couples are having children later, a man is more likely to be a stage ahead in his career and therefore earn more.

This then gets much worse when they review finances and decide that the lower earner stops work. I think inequality in child rearing massively increases pay discrepancies which were already there but perhaps dormant.

As the man in the couple is often older than the woman and couples are having children later, a man is more likely to be a stage ahead in his career and therefore earn more.

The difference in the average age of mothers and fathers is only 3 years. It can't make that much difference. It's more likely attitudes of men and employers that makes it harder for men to take a career break.

Women still marry up. I am hoping that will change now 70% of graduates are female and women under 30 earn more than men in the UK. There will simply run out enough men "above" women in terms of education and earnings so we should see a change with more and more women being the higher earner and thus fewer women giving up their career.

DeoGratis where's you evidence? I found this from a 2012 Guardian article which suggests the opposite.

The latest generation, born between 1976-1981, were far more likely to have married into the same class – 56% – and notably less likely to have a partner from a higher social class – 16%. Most significantly, more than a quarter have married a partner of a lower social class than themselves – 28%.

An American article but relevant:

www.forbes.com/sites/timworstall/2015/10/01/the-gender-pay-gap-is-the-result-of-being-a-parent-not-discrimination/#664907994268

3 years additional years and therefore pqe for a solicitor or accountant can be very significant - £20k plus...

There are 120,000 solicitors and c.300,000 accountants out of a working population of 30 million. The particular scenario you describe is pretty rare. Again an extract from the Guardian:

• Women accounted for approaching half of all working solicitors, a significant shift in the profile of the profession since 2000 when almost two-thirds were men
• Nearly three-quarters of solicitors work in private practice and a significant number, 20,245, in financial firms in the City
• 58% of women gained first or upper second class degrees in law courses compared to 54.2% for men
• Nearly half of all male solicitors in private practive (48.1%) are partners in law firms whereas only 21.1.% of women achieve that level

So women, who are better qualified, achieve less, and I'm betting it's down to unequal family responsibilities.

I think much depends on whether you enjoy and get satisfaction from your work.
I think deo is right about picking things wisely earlier on, but the fact is your needs and your interests do change throughout your life.

Some jobs seem to be much easier to work part time in or return to. I'd always advise staying at work in some capacity as its much easier to trade up for a better job when the time comes.

Sometimes luck is involved, too and you can't guarantee that happening again. (That level of job becoming available when you were in the right place at the right time...)

Indeed. 50% of my intake as solicitor in 85 were female. 30+ years on we are just 20% on average of the highest paid equity partners for a mixture of reasons but not least because plenty married up so when it came to one of them in a couple going part time or putting career second it tended to be muggins mum rather than all powerful high earning penis owner.

I often say the reason I earn so much is because I married down (earned 10x what he did eventually) and had no maternity rights - so no incentive to stop work or take breaks.

PS

Yes I know there is more mating amongst those of your own ilk these days - the days of hardly any women at university and men marrying their secretary because she had big breasts and would keep house are largely gone. Even so though if only the graduates marry only the graduates if there are more women than men in that group there will have to be some marrying down by women and it will be their husbands making their career the second pin money one or juggling the nanny or nursery hours because in reality most couples decide these things on a financial basis. She earns £100k and he earns £25k so they'd be fools to lose her career as it's their meal ticket and protects their children by keeping it up.

I will first say I haven't read the whole thread here so apologies but based on your post....best thing I've ever done!! I used to work for head office for a huge retailer. I did love my job, and my £75k salary, company car etc. etc. And I thought I was really rather fabulous I suppose. One day, when I had a rare week off, I read my little boy a story. He looked up at me with big adoring eyes (I'll never forget it) and said 'I love it now you live with us mummy.' Needless to say, my notice was written before I went back.

I now work as an NVQ assessor. I write my own diary and always put my boys to bed, take them to school and see their plays, assemblies etc. Salary is now £28k-this is high for an NVQ assessor but I've done other qualifications and assess in an area of the country where it's hard to get qualified staff. We don't go on as many holidays (read: any holidays), we have less disposable income (read: none) but marriage is happier, children are happier and I actually know my children.

I think you need to look at the current job. 4 days a week is fab. You get 3 off. Most people would see this as perfect. You need to address the 7 days work in 4, and the fact you are answering emails at god forsaken hours.

I earnt more than my DH in a corporate career but still was the one to give it up ( I retrained) as I just didn't enjoy it. It really wasn't me back then but funny thing is, now I could see myself enjoying it and I possibly would find it a better fit for the person I am today. I didn't want to spend twenty five years growing into a job though!