To ask if anyone has quit their good, highly paid stressful job for a smaller one?

[joanneg36]

I am seriously struggling with the 'having it all' at the moment and interested in others' experiences. Has anyone ever quit their 'brilliant' (on paper) job for work/life balance reasons and how did you manage/what did you do next?

I work four days a week in a senior-ish job. London and well paid but not law/city type money. Husband works too and earns similar. My 'four days', like many people, is in reality 7 days work squeezed into 4 and I am on email all hours. Kids are 5 and 1 and I just feel exhausted and as though I can't go on like this.

We could cope financially with me earning less, we'd have to cut back but it would be sacrifices of the meals out/foreign holidays type rather than not being able to pay bills etc. My bigger fear is about risk to my future earning potential and just general fear of unknown. I don't know how easy it would be to find a 'smaller' more part-time job in my industry but I feel I could at least try....

Interested in all thoughts - feel free to tell me to stop moaning and get on with it!

Do it. U will never get this beautiful time in your children's lives back. I did it and looking back it was the best time in our family life. Yes, you may resent all the childless women flying up the career ladder past you, but we just can't have it all. U will enjoy cheaper holidays just as much, and cook for friends and family more than eating out. All just as quality as the expensive stuff. You may find it hard to get back to your senior position in the future but you won't resent the reasons behind it. Your best years are ahead!

To answer a couple of the questions above: yes, DH does totally 50% (if not more - I travel more for work and do more evenings than he does), we have cleaner, part-time nanny, gardener, online shop - I outsource literally everything I can!
The poster who says I should just work my hours and no more and see what happens is totally right - I am always making resolutions to do this and see what happens. But it's hard to explain how difficult this is in my industry, it's just not the 'done thing' and I am naturally conscientious - as are a lot of women I think who struggle with this issue because they're trying to be 'the best' in all spheres!

Have you considered job-sharing? I do it, and it's brilliant - high pressure for three days a week, plus we each check email one weekend day. Then blissful complete switching off for three days, though I'm still 'working' but it's childcare / batch cooking / organising stuff for the kids, all of which needs doing and is much easier done when not in the office.

PM me if you want to know more about it - I do think it's the best of both worlds, but you do need to 'sell' it to line managers. I've done that successfully a couple of times. And you also need to find the right person, but that's not so hard if you have a decent network.

I've just resigned from my teaching job, on the senior team etc as I can't do it anymore. I have nothing to go to yet but can always fall back on supply if I need to, not the best option but am ok one.

I feel that life is too short really to be unhappy and to dread going to work. I earn about £10k more than DH so if I don't get something in the same salary bracket as now we will be a bit stuffed but I don't actually care at the moment. Don't know if that helps you OP but I had reached a point where it was that or losing my mind, possibly marriage and my life really.

Even if you don't 'resent' giving up a high earning job, you might well feel the ramifications. Even if you think (quite rightly) it was wonderful to have less stress and more time with the dc at a young age, it doesn't help you later in life if you are again stressed about money and unfulfilled in your career. Or worse, your circs have changed and you don't have that earning power to fall back on.

Two things:

You say the fact that there is a division of opinions is what's so hard, OP. On a very positive note, all of us who have made opposing decisions on here have said we are happy with what we decided!

I think this rests very largely on how much you love your actual work. I had a couple of very hard years but I still have and had an absolute passion for my job and my career which made it that much easier.

I don't know. If you can manage financially, it's really affecting your health and your relationship is rock solid then maybe.

But, tbh, if you already have 3 days a week off then I think you've hit the holy grail of good job with plenty of time off already! Even if it does mean you take work home when you're off. Most full time professionals do that too and can only be at home 1-2 days a week or fewer.

You might find that a less stressful and less well paid job would actually take you away from your children more, just due to the 'at work' hours.

I have and actually I even retrainned in a completely different field.

I agree with some other posters, do NOT, under any circumstamces, end up in a situation where you can't support yourself financially (I'm thinking you and the two dcs). You need that earning power in case something goes wrong (It doesn't have to be a divorce, it could be your DH getting ill for example). But also I found that going for a less paid job has a lot of repercussions in the marriage, incl this feeling that whatever you are doing isn't 'important enough'. It changes the balance iyswim.

What I did though is to do a lot of research on the type of job abd environment that will work for me. I found some online test (one of which was so accurate it was scary) and then went from there.

I have no regret whatsoever, I'm doing a job I love, I have the flexibility I needed. Yes it's less money but that's also because I can't work full time anymore (ill health).

I did. Left a high paid job and now work from home for myself. Less money, loads less stress. I love it.

Dh works with me. We had to tighten our belts but it was worth it.

I did, last year. But that's not the full picture. Both DH and I made changes over the course of 5 years to make work and family life run more smoothly.

I do hear what others are saying about you being in the eye of the storm with little ones and how it will be better in time. This is true to a point wrt to the physical, practical side of parenting small children. But as they grow older, they need you just as much, not less. They just need you in a different way. I suspect that in the teenage years, they need their nurturing parents even more.

Always have in your mind your long term earning potential. I am lucky that I have been able to readjust rather than completely change. I am.not earning as much as I did but I can earn more if I wanted to.

For me, the key thing was that my health was suffering. Big time.

If you decide to continue working as you do, it would be wise to out source as much of the home stuff as you can. So a cleaner twice a week, an au pair or childminder for before school and after school care.

What about your dh? Can he down size a bit?

Oh shit, sorry, I just realised you weren't asking for opinions on changing jobs but for experiences from those who have. Apologies!

I have never changed jobs. Sometimes I feel like it because I work between 5.5 and 6.5 days a week and do 12-14 hour days at least twice a week. I have mental health problems which do cause physical health problems too so I do really struggle sometimes and get the temptation to quit. BUT I am term time only and teach in the independent sector so I get around 15 weeks holiday a year!! Pretty good compensation and time to recover! Maybe you could consider something like that? Full on enough to be well paid but with a lot of time off?

I work 3 days a week in a senior job and have 4 yo twins, not yet in school. They only go to nursery on the days I officially work but somehow I am expected to take part in important calls and meetings on my non working days and be constantly on call for emails, calls.
But then it works both ways - if I want to work from home for a day or if I need to leave early or arrive late then I will, and I don't need to 'ask'. As long as the job gets done it doesn't matter where or when.

I don't think I would get that flexibility if I stepped down to a less senior role. And also our childcare costs would stay the same so we'd be worse off overall

Btw I really think that if you want to go down that route, you shouldn't jst go for the first lower paid, less sressful job that comes towards you.

Put some effort into finding what would work for you. Look at what you like in your job, look at what you want to acheive from your job (eg do you want to be there to pick them up from school some days or you just want to know that there will be no work emails to answer at the weekend?). Think about what would be your ideal work-life balance. Think about what you want from your ideal job and the environment/type of compay that will work for you (eg one thing that came up for me was that it would be very hard for me to find a compay with a culture that I would happy in. So being self employed was the best route for me).
Then and only then look at jobs and you can find around you.

My DH did this. He left a high earning career which had him out of the house 6 days a week, and he hardly ever saw the children. He got a job earning less than half his previous salary, but due to the nature of the job, he can come and go as he pleases, and can fit his job around the kids.

We agreed he could do this job for a year, as we didn't think we could cope for long with the drop in salary, but 10 years later he's still there! We adjusted to the money, and have found that we don't miss it the way we thought we would. It helped that I am self employed, and DH being around more meant that I could take on a little more work, so that helped a bit (but not even close to covering the drop he took)

We haven't regretted it one bit. DH has been to every class assembly, helped at playgroup, coached the school football team, coaches junior cricket, and sees our kids for several hours every day. Thats been worth every penny of the salary drop.

His only worry is how he will feel in another 10 years. He has no career anymore, just a job. Will he miss that when the kids have left home? Maybe, maybe not, who knows.

I live in an area which is full of people who've moved here from London for a better work life balance. I earn half the salary I used to, but am home with the dcs by 5pm latest and in summer we go straight to the beach for tea and a swim. I finish work for the week on Thursday lunchtimes. It's lovely.

My job is challenging, stimulating and great fun now, but I had to go in on a much lower level and prove myself all over again. I found it hard not to take my previous professional reputation in with me, if that makes sense.

But as they grow older, they need you just as much, not less. They just need you in a different way

This is so true, I have two teenagers, the attention they need is less physical, but much more emotional, and almost as time consuming. I think the teen years are the time that they need you there after school, or early evening, to talk through their day, help with their problems etc, just be there for them.

I have taken a massive cut in pay to move to school hours, term time only. I think I was deluded to think that once we got over the hump of baby and toddler years, things would suddenly get easier. In fact, with my eldest now in GCSE year, parenting demands are greater than ever, and I feel the children need a great deal of support and guidance, not to mention ferrying all over the place, in order to keep them on track and take some of the considerable pressure off them and give them the best chance in life.

Snap Budgiegirl!

What is your industry?

I'm an accountant and recognise all that you say - I work "part time" but not really.

However the bleed into non working hours gets worse when it is busier (fair enough) and I can keep it contained when I'm not busy. The times to watch are when I'm moderately busy and I think "sod it I can do this in the evening".

While I recognise you might need to work additional hours you also need to be quite disciplined about it.

I would also consider your workload - is it too high, can you ask for a change? Don't worry that they might see this as a request because you've got a family - don't frame it in this terms. Even without a family it isn't really on to be working like that all the time (and I regularly tell my single/family free team members this and we work to make sure no one has an excessive portfolio)

Look hard for somewhere that values employees better. I know I've moved between companies before and it can be amazing to land somewhere where excessive hours are not the norm, generally because management is better, so everyone is happier and more efficient.

I contract now so move around a lot and it's amazing to see so many different attitudes in one industry.

I've done it too,in several stages and it has taken a while to find the balance.Before kids I worked full time and often extra at weekends to save as much as possible.I went back very part-time after my first and only worked 15 hours per week but it was hard to keep up professionally and my career suffered which was stressful.I've tried various working combinations and with 3 children ,2 of them at school ,working 2.5 days per week works best for me.I earn a lot less than my full time salary but still am fairly well paid and I feel like a better mum.
I changed jobs again recently after 2 years to readjust family work/life balance but having done so I realise that had I continued doing what I was doing before the children would just have got used to it.
Having said that,I am a lot calmer,my husband has noted how much better it is now ,and your children can never see you enough when they need you for school ,homework and activities.
I work in an area where part-time work is common though and haven't had to change career as such,just the actual working and financial arrangements.

Is it the job that is too much, or just as well as DC? Would it be worth considering your DH reducing his hours slightly, to balance things out a bit more? This is what DH and I have done, and it works well, and means we are both taking a slight hit career and earnings wise, rather than one of us taking a bigger hit. If he could have a different day off to you in the week, that would give you one day to work as many hours as you felt you needed, so that maybe you could do less on the days you both work?

Going against the grain but I am with deregistered here - keep your job for another year or two.

I have kids much older but I was in your shoes. I persisted through working PT and am so glad now. Friends who took lower needs jobs either found themselves working just as hard for a lot less money or trying to get back into well paid jobs when the reality of school fees/bills/lack of pensions hit home.

I also agree with the pp who said that relationships change as the balance charges - you may find the bulk of house duties/sick kids etc falls on you, which can scupper advancement in your new role.

I wasn't in the same league as you OP but I did switch from a stressful well paid job to a low paid undemanding and flexible job when DC were 8/10.
They are now both over 18. I found nothing but relief at the lack of responsibility and pressure and the free time it gave me. I don't care about prestige but it can be important to some people.
My only regret is not doing it when they were even younger.
As others have said they need you more not less as they get older. A baby doesn't really care who changes it's nappy or rocks the pram. The older they get the more important your input is as a parent and you can't outsource your influence.
If the DC are your first concern then your time is far more important than money to them. If your job satisfaction is most important then you may think differently.