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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A they BU in not letting year 11 have a Prom?

46 replies

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 05/02/2016 18:23

School are really anti any end of year party. They discourage kids and parents who might try to organise one by not letting any discussions/tickets/money be on school premises.
They say it's because 16 year olds will drink and cause mischief. Well surely all the other schools in the county would have the same issue and secondly 'thanks for the faith in your pupils!'.
I know 'Proms' aren't everyone's cup of tea, but it is a lovely way to end your GCSE's. They don't have one at the end of sixth form either, in case you wondered.

OP posts:
scribblegirl · 05/02/2016 18:25

Eh, I think they're a bit tacksville but each to their own.

We didn't have one. We just all went over the house of my friend with the most liberal parents and got utterly wasted

MTPurse · 05/02/2016 18:27

I do not get the whole prom thing, I am sure the school has their reasons for not allowing it. However, if parents want to go ahead and organise then its up to them.

SaucyJack · 05/02/2016 18:28

YANBU.

I wondered if it was a cost/resources thing from your thread title, but if they wouldn't even let parents advertise one that they'd organised completely independently then that is a bit mean.

pinkdelight · 05/02/2016 18:29

I wouldn't have had any faith in us at that age! If you want a prom, go to the States. Here we scribble on shirts then slink off to get trashed in bus shelters. What larks! YABU.

Flossyfloof · 05/02/2016 18:29

Perhaps they have advertised in the staff room and can't get anyone to volunteer to organise it or to supervise it. Why don't you organise one yourself?

ExitPursuedByABear · 05/02/2016 18:33

My dds is organised by parents and has nothing to do with school. They can't control what you do. It is a huge deal for 16 year olds, whether you approv of it or not. Our lot have a meal somewhere posh, in a frock, 4 till 8, home, change, After Party somewhere more fun.

mouldycheesefan · 05/02/2016 18:33

Proms are a lot of work for teachers and much of that will be unpaid. If they haven't the will to organise, supervise, manage it on top of other commitments fair enough. If underage drinking is the issue it sounds like that is a reasonable concern.
My teachers used to buy us cider on school camps age 13, but times have changed.

ExitPursuedByABear · 05/02/2016 18:35

And I organised the Y6 Leavers Disco with no input from School.

Katenka · 05/02/2016 18:35

I totally understand them not wanting to have one.

I have had people I know go to them and it's always a lot of trouble on the evening.

The not discussing at school maybe that they get fed up of the focus being on the party rather than their work. Or problems when some people aren't invited.

Do parents really sell tickets to their children's parties?

MadisonAvenue · 05/02/2016 18:39

My son's year all complained about their prom. Usually it's held at a really lovely country house hotel - when it was their turn it was at a Holiday Inn overlooking a busy junction on the M6!

They had another at the end of Year 13, at the lovely hotel - not sure if that's something the school always do or if it was because their first one wasn't very special.

Flossyfloof · 05/02/2016 18:43

Madison, I wonder ho many of them thanked the organisers anyway?

Original poster
NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 05/02/2016 18:48

We (parent team) are planning it. We aren't asking school to organise it, or even come if they don't want to. Just to let us advertise and sell tickets on school property. These packages include food, disco and a bit of security. Much safer and glam than drinking strongbow in the park like I did in the early 90's. I think mine might have been more fun though

I think it's nigh on impossible without

OP posts:
MadisonAvenue · 05/02/2016 18:51

Flossy I'm not sure that the organisers deserved thanking, everything to do with the leavers that year was half-arsed. The yearbook wasn't completed and they were refunded for the leavers hoodies that they'd ordered too.

The head boy and girl organised the Yr13 prom and hoodies and everything went very smoothly, despite them fitting it all in between their studies and part time jobs.

hefzi · 05/02/2016 18:53

(Many years ago) there wasn't one at my school. So we organised our own leavers' ball for the end of UVI, local(ish) hotel, parents invited etc - all organised by us girls. No dramas, no vomiting (at least, not inside!), no BFGW dresses and no school involvement. Nowadays, with the magic FB thing, why not just organise it that way?

IHeartKingThistle · 05/02/2016 19:02

Trying to get Year 11 to concentrate on impending GCSEs when all they want to talk about is bloody prom dresses is maddening. Proms can bugger off as far as I'm concerned.

Have your party OP, they do need to celebrate at some point, but YABU to expect the school to get involved in your event.

GabiSolis · 05/02/2016 19:09

School are right in what they are doing. I don't understand where the issue here is really. They don't support a prom for understandable reasons and therefore they don't facilitate the arranging of said prom.

I am so glad I was done with school before any of this cringy prom stuff took over in the UK.

cosytoaster · 05/02/2016 19:10

At my DS's prom last year, it was only the teachers that got drunk not that I blame them

It was a nice way to end the year.

BoGrainger · 05/02/2016 19:11

I don't know any schools that organise Proms or suchlike, they've far too much to do! It's down to the students themselves and any parents mad enough to stump up deposits and spend every waking moment for 6 months mulling over djs, menus, table plans, transport, photographers, ticketing, etc etc. Well done to all those brave souls who've made my dds' celebration nights events to remember.

Original poster
NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 05/02/2016 19:13

I agree to a certain extent hefzi (although Facebook is just for oldies now according to my teenagers) yours sounds exactly what we are aiming for - a nice dress, some photos and a dance. Parents in lobby having a gossip etc. But we do need a central location to sell and buy the tickets, it's a lot of cash and I don't have a safe.
So far, school won't let us even ask Yr 11's if they are interested. It's a lot of effort if only 30 want to go!
I honestly don't think I'm asking a lot. I really think they are being unreasonable.

OP posts:
BoGrainger · 05/02/2016 19:20

Seriously, parents in the lobby??
In that case you'd be doing well if 30 turned up Grin

queenofthemountains · 05/02/2016 19:21

Its just the endless prom talk, dress, transport, who's going, when they are in lessons and should be learning - it's so annoying. I don't blame the school I wish mine would get rid of it.

mouldycheesefan · 05/02/2016 19:25

Perhaps if they allow you to sell tickets at a school they have some liability for the event and they don't want that. Our local newsagent sells tickets for local events, is that an option?

Jibberjabberjooo · 05/02/2016 19:37

I had a school leavers prom back in the late 90s. We all got very drunk and turned up late to school the next day with hangovers.

Sparklingbrook · 05/02/2016 19:41

I think Proms are more trouble than they are worth TBH. Also the majority of DS's Year 11 stayed on for 6th Form so hardly a leaving school celebration. Confused

hefzi · 05/02/2016 19:51

I think mouldy has it - worries over liability.