To not get tested?

[Dammyjoder]

Ok so ive NC for this as its quite personal. My DP had HIV and has done for nearly 4 years, its never been an issue in our relationship, she's otherwise healthy and has a great cd4 count so is not on meds. Recently shes been very over obsessed with me getting tested, normally i'll get tested every 6 month but she wants to change it to every 3, i dont see the need but shes very insistent, anyway im due to get tested this month and its making me nervous to the point of not getting it done. Would i be BU if i cancelled? Obviously we are very safe and not sleeping with other people.

You would be being massively U to not get tested because you're nervous.

You've been fine so far and chances are you will be this time, but only way to know that is by testing. Try not to worry.

In the nicest way yes you are. Testing every 3 months is still too long imo because it can all change so quickly

My understanding is that you should not be tested more frequently than once a year. I'm surprised your gum clinic is letting you test that often.

She is bring massively unreasonable not to be on meds though. That is utterly bonkers.

Has she explained why she wants you to change your testing regime? Do you think you might be more nervous about it because she's insisting?

Testing is every 3-6 month because we are regularly sexually active. The reason she isnt on meds is because she doesn't need them her cd4 count is fine and shes very safe. Tbh yes its more to do with her being insistent than me not wanting to get tested, i feel under pressure and thats bringing out my anxiety.

The UK guidelines have changed recently and the new recommendation is that everybody should be on meds regardless of CD4 count. If you are using protection and her viral load is undetectable then 6 monthly testing is fine. Has she said why she wants you tested more frequently?

We disscussed her going on meds September last year, we went and seen her consultant and he did bloods and said there was no reason for her to be on meds as she was fit, healthy and not putting anybody at risk, everybody in our area knows she has it. No she hasnt really said she just asked if we could change testing to every 3 month, around the time she gets her bloods done.

Is there any chAnce she's cheated and so exposing you to something else?

No, i dont think shes cheated, shes very cautious about her Hiv, we didnt sleep together for months as she was terrified she'd pass it on to me ( which stems from the way she caught it), we waited until i was educated on the subject and understood the risks.

Just to reiterate that the BHIVA guidelines now recommend that everyone should be on treatment regardless of their CD4 count. This is because treatment should lead to an undetectable viral load which largely makes people uninfectious
( as long as they don't have any STIs and have been on stable treatment and undetectable for at least six months). Also research has found that the virus still causes damage if untreated, even if the CD4 count is good. I would advise her to see her doctor to discuss starting meds. Not sure if you're male or female but if you're a lady the transmission risks are quite a bit lower, but best to get tested and take advice from her doctor around getting into treatment.

This may be useful:

www.tht.org.uk/myhiv/HIV-and-you/Your-treatment/Starting-treatment

Would you be able to talk to her and find out what has made her feel you need to be tested more regularly? It's entirely reasonable for you to feel more anxious under the circumstances. It sounds as though your DP is very caring of you and it may be that if you are able to talk about it that both your anxiety will be lessened. I wonder if she's heard about the new guidelines and is concerned you are more at risk than she previously thought.
It might also be helpful if there is someone at the clinic who could help you both talk through it, either
together or separately.

Thank you for your advice . Im a female, so yes the risk is lower but we are not irresponsible and take cautions. Its hard to explain without going into too much detail of her past but we have spoken tonight after the advice i've had and shes been seeing a counselor and it has brought up some unwanted memorys which have made her scared about passing it on, so we are going to see her consultant next week about medication as i think it might put her mind at ease.

It sounds like the counselling has triggered off some anxieties for your partner. The fact you take any necessary precautions will mean your risk is very low as you know. I think it's a really good idea for her to see her consultant to get onto meds. It'll mean she'll hopefully soon be pretty much uninfectious so that will take away that worry. Also the virus won't be doing any damage masked by a high cd4 count, so will have lots of health benefits for her too. Most people tend to get on fine with treatment with few side effects these days. If you want to read more about viral load and infectiousness just look up the PARTNER study. I hope she gets on ok with starting treatment .