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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's risky to plan your financial future on inheritance you might get?

74 replies

Andthentherewasmum · 04/02/2016 07:06

Just that really.

A family member has made an assumption in what they will get and has fed these figures into planning meetings with financial advisor. They've now found out their share is going to be smaller than thought and they are getting a bit emotional. They've started suggesting this isn't the intention of their deceased parent and their surviving parent doesn't know what's going on. This is not true at all as the will hasn't changed at all since it was originally drawn up and is fully respected by all family members. It's been know within the family for a very long time so I'm not sure why they would think it would be different now.

Its given me a taste of what is to come when my lovely relative passes and it's not pretty Sad

OP posts:
RidersOnTheStorm · 04/02/2016 07:09

Make sure your lovely relative makes his/her wishes crystal clear in the will.

My aunt gave specific reasons as to why a family member was excluded, in case it was challenged. (money had already been given for a deposit for a house.)

ImogenTubbs · 04/02/2016 07:15

Yes, it's so strange what money does to people, isn't it? YANBU

Drinkstoomuchcoffee · 04/02/2016 07:15

Given the current cost of care homes (£40,000 pa for those with any assets above £23,000) it is rash to assume any inheritance at all unless you are absolutely certain you will be able to care for the person concerned yourself.

MatildaTheCat · 04/02/2016 07:20

Actually many care or nursing homes cost way more than £40k pa. My mil is paying £72k and has just about spent every penny. If my FIL dies or is unable to continue to live in their family home then that will be used up as well. So frankly, unless someone has multi millions and a very clear will then no, rely on nothing at all. And don't forget about inheritance tax..

autumnboys · 04/02/2016 07:25

One of DH's siblings is only paying interest on their mortgage on the grounds of inheriting from their parents and inlaws. The parents and inlaws obviously don't know this. They are forever being held up as examples of financial probity because of their apparent ability to live on a shoestring. I do worry about this sort of situation arising with them - that they 'need' the money more, or risk homelessness without it. It's a very risky strategy to rely on inheritance.

Original poster
Andthentherewasmum · 04/02/2016 07:26

My lovely relative is elderly but fiesty! I'm sad for them that they are going to see the true colours of someone close to them Sad

The original wish of the couple was to keep assets in the family for future generations whereas this relative wants to cash in as soon as possible.

Also they are insisting their spouse is included in all conversations as they have a right to say what happens to the assets and protect their interests as well. The person isn't even deceased yet!

AIBU to think this is really cheeky!! There's no way my husband would start saying that about my share nor would he want to start throwing his weight around.

OP posts:
hopelesslydevotedtoGu · 04/02/2016 07:30

My mil is paying £72k

Wow, I had no idea they could be so expensive.

Yes it is naive to count an inheritance as a given. I know of several people who have been unexpectedly written out of wills, sadly for unfair/ incomprehensible reasons,

RidersOnTheStorm · 04/02/2016 07:39

YANBU tell the spouse to keep his/her beak out.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 04/02/2016 07:40

It is very strange to actually base financial plans on it. You know what they say about assumption though. I've idly wondered about it, only because they've mentioned I/my family will be getting something, but nothing more. Make sure the relatives will is crystal clear.

Titsywoo · 04/02/2016 07:41

My parents are very well off (millions not hundreds of thousands). They are often generous to us but I rely on them for nothing (unlike my brothers). My dad once told me not to bother saving for a pension as he is working to leave us all a large pension each. I ignored that advice. Who knows what will happen? He might go mad and spend it all or we might fall out. And since his dad is still alive at 103 chances are by my retirement time my dad will still be around!

MrsRolly · 04/02/2016 07:43

Agree completely about care homes, my gm has paid well over £150k to her care home and is now nearly at the threshold of not having to pay anymore but we couldn't have continued her at home care as it was no longer safe and would never have tried to protect family inheritance (although I know if she understood the situation she would be very sad as she was proud that she thought she had left everyone a little something)

Probate shows people's true colours it can be horrible me and my db have been in a horrible probate situation after sudden passing of DF but if the will is clear and legal you should hopefully not have too many problems with people trying to contest it.

Muskateersmummy · 04/02/2016 07:47

I think planning on any inheritance is risky. As pp have said cost of care as you get older is vast, there may not be much left, plus with inheritance tax, many people are choosing to spend now rather than leave their children with tax bills. Any thing could happen before someone dies, and the money may no longer be there. Plan with the money you can reasonably control

Original poster
Andthentherewasmum · 04/02/2016 07:47

I've suggested that my lovely relative have a word and put this to bed by restating their wishes.

Other relative is turning on the water works saying excluding husband from discussions would be undermining their marriage as they always discuss everything together and pride themselves on making joint decisions about everything. The way I see it is there's no joint decision to be made just the wishes of the the person whose will it is! She's acting very entitled.

OP posts:
SpinachJelly · 04/02/2016 07:51

Surely a financial advisor would (or should) point out the potential mistakes of relying on an inheritance?

RidersOnTheStorm · 04/02/2016 07:52

She certainly is, OP. He sounds like a control freak, keep him away.

Goingtobeawesome · 04/02/2016 07:53

Why does the crying relative think it is her business what happens to someone else's money and if she's insistent her husband is there, could it be that he is forcing the issue?

CocktailQueen · 04/02/2016 07:53

Normally when the first one (husband or wife) dies, his/her assets all go to his wife, then when the surviving partner dies, the joint assets are divided then. It would be unusual, I think, to have big legacies on first death.

Original poster
Andthentherewasmum · 04/02/2016 07:53

I totally agree that you should build your own financial security so that whatever happens you are fine. I haven't factored any inheritance in at all its just too risky.

This person is older than me and I just can't wrap my head around how naive and child like she is acting!

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 04/02/2016 07:54

Also they are insisting their spouse is included in all conversations as they have a right to say what happens to the assets and protect their interests as well. The person isn't even deceased yet!

Just no. Nothing to do with their spouse! This person is grabby, greedy and wrong. Not sure how you go about putting straight someone who is do deluded...

Happydappy99 · 04/02/2016 07:54

It's fairly common in my family to plan your financial future around inheritance (it's the only way I'll be able to buy somewhere) but having said that I don't rely on it. My parents are in very good health so I'm not expecting to get anything for 30 years so I've made sure I've got my pension sorted.

Namechange02 · 04/02/2016 07:57

many care or nursing homes cost way more than £40k pa

yes nursing homes are dearer - admittedly you can generally get £112 a week towards it plus attendance allowance of around £80 but my father's home costs £1200 a week and that's a small room so the larger ones are dearer and he doesn't have the highest level of needs eg he can still feed himself.

So yes, unless you are sure your relatives will never need care (even if you can care for them yourself you might not be able to ultimately if it takes two people to move them), it is rash to assume an inheritance.

And people do funny things with their wills. A relative's neighbour was unmarried and lives with his elderly parents, therefore saving them from needing a care home. The father left him the house, saying his two siblings were well off and hadn't helped with care so didn't need a share of it. But he died first and the mother changed her will to leave equal shares to each sibling. The siblings claimed their share and the son who'd done all the work had to move out so they could sell the house - fortunately he did have enough to buy a flat with his share.

BlondeOnATreadmill · 04/02/2016 08:06

You should NEVER rely on inheritance.

I do wonder why care homes are so expensive? How can £1200 a week be justified?

mix56 · 04/02/2016 08:10

All the massiveinheritance left by my father has gone in caring for my mother. we are at the stage of needing to sell her house to continue.
There will be nothing left.

FrancisdeSales · 04/02/2016 08:11

Never rely on OPM (Other People's Money).

lavenderhoney · 04/02/2016 08:12

I wouldn't - what if you get divorced and your ex is entitled to half of it?

Your relative will just have to adjust her plans. What on earth does she think will happen? You'll all give her a bit because she got her numbers wrong on a spreadsheet?