To think it's risky to plan your financial future on inheritance you might get?

[Andthentherewasmum]

Just that really.

A family member has made an assumption in what they will get and has fed these figures into planning meetings with financial advisor. They've now found out their share is going to be smaller than thought and they are getting a bit emotional. They've started suggesting this isn't the intention of their deceased parent and their surviving parent doesn't know what's going on. This is not true at all as the will hasn't changed at all since it was originally drawn up and is fully respected by all family members. It's been know within the family for a very long time so I'm not sure why they would think it would be different now.

Its given me a taste of what is to come when my lovely relative passes and it's not pretty

I think there might be an element of truth there lavender. My gut feeling is they're in financial strife at a later stage of life and they were counting on the inheritance to make good. They have made some financially poor decisions along the way so it wouldn't surprise me.

I think she's pissed off because it's spread across a number of relatives (generations) and I'm guessing she's not happy with that. They don't have children.

Yep, definitely risky as I've seen my cousin lose out on an inheritance that she was banking on due to care home fees.

But then other forms of financial security can go tits up as well. My SIL used to be proud of earning her own way and her career, which all went wrong when she became disabled. My neighbour lost her financial security when her DH left her for the nanny. My aunt lost her financial security when her dds were diagnosed with a lifelong condition and she had to give up work. None of us are ever immune to these things, you can't ever bank on your future being secure.

It is ridiculous to ever factor in an inheritance.

We stand to possibly inherit a decent amount but we have not made any life plans surrounding this.

My friend has a very rich never married or had DC uncle who is in his early eighties. He has been planning his entire pension and paying off his mortgage etc around this Uncles will.

If I thought my relatives were getting like this about my assets after death I would leave everything to my favourite charity.

Is it about keeping a property op? There is an inherited property situation currently ongoing in DH family. People have fallen out big time. We have had nothing to do with it but have been literally struck off Auntie X Christmas card list as DH Mother and this Auntie have opposing views.

No, I don't see how you can include something like that and financial advisor silly to include it IMO.

Hmmm. Of course you should never rely on an inheritance. But I would like to hear the other side of this. Firstly it may have been known to you for years, but it certainly doesn't sound like it's been known to her. I assume that you are one of the children (and possibly also your children) of her siblings who is benefiting at what she perceives is her expense? If that's the case I can imagine that it's very easy for you to accept the will, and who knows, maybe she was told something different by the deceased.

I really don't see what the problem is with her spouse supporting her in the discussions is either if she wants him too. Perhaps she feels she needs the support, it sounds like you have other relatives ranged in your corner, why should she be facing it alone because she has no children?

Has she done extra caring or does she feel that she has sacrificed her earning potential to support her parents? It sounds like the side of the family who are benefitting more knew about the will, but she was kept in the dark because it wasn't in her favour. At the very least that is hurtful.

Very, very risky. My parents died relatively young without needing to pay for care home fees. DF remarried a couple of years before his death and left all his money to his new wife. His intention when they first made a joint will was that the surviving spouse would inherit then subsequently leave the remaining estate to be shared between me, DSis and our stepmother's DC, but in fact the terms of the will aren't nearly specific enough about this and she has spent the cash on property and pretty much gone nc on us.

We knew there'd be no inheritance from our DF, and ILs ask us now why we said nothing about it when there was still time to change it, ie when he was dying. Er, because that's a truly repellent notion, and our thoughts were on losing our Dad, not saying goodbye to the mortgage.

DH and I moved abroad to try and make a better life for ourselves. MIL hates it and wants us to go back, she says, you don't have to make Money, you will inherit from us. She has no idea about having to pay for care homes and how much it will cost. YANBU, you can never, ever bank on an inheritance.

My grandmother's savings and money from her house sale were all used up on care home fees. My mum was irritated only because she knew my Nan would have preferred the money to go to her grandchildren. But she and all of us would rather Nan was well cared for in a nice, probably slightly more expensive environment. Both my parents and IL'S are fairly well off but I would never dream of making my financial decisions now, based on what inheritance I might get! Partly because there are no guarantees but mostly because it's just a horrible thing to do.

£1200 a week? That's more than I get paid a week - my parents can pay for me to stay at home.

My H and I would likely be pretty well off if we ended up in the unfortunate position of our surviving parents passing away.

However we make no assumptions. All our financial planning is based on our income and capabilities. We'd much prefer our parents to spend their money on themselves and have retirements that are comfortable and make them happy.

In any event, we may be overlooked in favour of charities, grand kids, etc etc, and if that is their wish then so be it. We'd still be able to have the life we've planned for.

All being well they'll live a bloody long time too. I'd rather that than the alternative.

Do no, YANBU. I'm surprised a financial adviser wouldn't warn your relative about planning based on a speculated figure anyway.

I am of the opinion that, rather than wait until you're dead, it's better to release money and assets while you're still alive, if possible. That way, you're in control and also have the pleasure of giving (and no inheritance tax to pay if you survive for 7 years after giving the gift).
One of the problems with inheritance, as a pp has said, is that people have an annoying habit of living a long time and so by the time their beneficiaries inherit, they are quite elderly themselves and can't really do anything with the money.
Better to receive money when younger, to help with house buying etc, and less inheritance when older.

We may think it's "not nice" to think about inheritance, but if you read Dickens that's all half the characters go on about, and not just in Great Expectations. In Bleak House one young man never settles to a proper job in the (vain) hope of getting his inheritance.

With modern medicine I don't think anybody can count on an inheritance - it's luck of the draw. My friend's parents died suddenly within a few months of each other. She has inherited several million. The pil are soldiering on in a nursing home. They have gone through between them nearly all their money - over £500K - and their house has had to be sold. And they are in a very basic nursing home, nothing fancy at all. It's still £40K a year each. People say they'd never put their parents in a home (for reasons of love and saving money) but then they've never had to deal with a doubly incontinent person who can only be moved with a hoist.

As I say to my 5 year old "You get what you get and you dont get upset"

Applicable to inheritances and party bags alike.

YANBU I know that when my parents or inlaws die dh and I will inherit 50% of what they leave. But how could anybody tell what that will be? If they need nursing care in later life their money will quite rightly be used to supply the best they can afford. I'm just pleased they have a financial cushion to allow this.

Actually, it's not very hard to understand when you start working through the costs of providing even the basics. It's that some homes charge this and still provide shocking care that is the crime.

£1200 per week is more than the vast majority of people get paid pw.

Of course. But it still may be the real cost of looking after one elderly person properly for a week especially if their are shareholders to pay.

Arfarfanarf

Hmmm......if children are sitting there waiting for their parents do die I'd imagine the relationship between parent & chid was never good. What genuinely loving child would think that about a parent they loved?
None.
The only children who have an eye on their inheritance couldn't give a toss about their parents - & you'd have to ask yourself why?
So no, if your Mother was a cold heartless cow then it's not 'disgusting'.
But it's defo 'risky' & I certainly wouldn't do it.

This is the strategy used by my BIL who openly says that he doesn't worry about having an interest only mortgage as his elderly parents will die soon. My SIL looks excited by this. It's talked about with as much gravity as the weather.

I find it revolting.

Bill just to answer your points.

There is NO WAY she has been told something different. The elderly couple were totally above board about what they wanted for their estate. They are/were salt of the earth people who would never play games and would be very very disappointed in anyone who did. I'm proud to say they were/are people of great integrity. She was told along with everyone else. The will has been in place for as long as I can remember, so I'm totally baffled as to why she would think it would have changed.

She hasn't done any hands on caring at all. It's all been left to other members of the family to do. She has in no way sacrificed anything at all. When emergencies have occurred it's always upto the rest of the family to rally round. She's always too busy.

But all that is irrelevant, it's the wishes of the elderly person that count. Not what you expect to get or feel you deserve.

You should never bank on it - true. And someone else's money is theirs to do what they wish with. And care home fees are astronomical and bring many a family to their knees, (facing this myself at the moment I think).

But that is a bit naive really. There are countless assumptions and unspoken agreements that make up family life. Inheritance is just one of them.

To speak disparagingly about "money" as if it is nothing is simply ridiculous - and can only be done if you are in a strong-ish position. Money means chances for your kids, health, education, a home, freedom not to ruin your health working 12 hours a day in a grinding job --- etc. Most of us would want that for ourselves and be upset if our parents whom we had cared for / done everything right for gave those life-chances to someone else.

By the way care home fees compare more with hotel rates than anything else. A single en-suite room, full board in a nice location is going to cost at least £100 per night, (£150 in London). Add in the services of a nurse, a "personal care" assistant and the extras like visits from hairdressers, chiropodists, physiotherapists etc and it is easy to see how it adds up. If you need, as my grandmother did, lifting, feeding, washing etc that puts up the cost further.

Cheeky? Its mercenary and disgusting! Since when was it acceptable to start horse-trading about inheritances when the person concerned is still alive? What an ill-bred, vile human being this relative is.

And no YANBU at all. You can't take an inheritance for granted and tbh if I was the older relative I'd consider cutting this vile human being out of my will altogether.

There are countless assumptions and unspoken agreements that make up family life. Inheritance is just one of them. But that doesn't apply here. Op says that the older couple were very upfront and made it quite clear what was happening in terms of their inheritance. There is no guess work or assumptions involved, just a greedy family member and her spouse who are trying to rewrite history now.