School not honest about DD being hit by another child

[Weareallmadeofstars]

Yesterday I picked up DD (5 yrs) from school and her teacher told me she had 'bumped her nose' but 'seemed to be OK'. I thought nothing more of it.

Fast forward 3 hours and DD is eating dinner. Out of the blue she says 'mummy the boy who punched me in the nose today wasn't allowed to go out at play time'.

I understand that kids do occasionally hit one another at school but I'm really annoyed that the school wasn't honest with me about what happened. I feel I had the right to know so that I could support her and talk with her about what happened.

Would it be unreasonable to take this up with the school?

Definitely. Mention what DD said to teacher and see what she says.

I think you do need to talk to the school about it.

Probably not in an all-guns-blazing kind of way, but certainly to ask for the full facts of the matter.

And if it does turn out that they hadn't told the truth, you can calmly keep the high ground and complain. Because you should be told the truth, precisely so you can support her and talk with her about what happened, as you say.

I would definitely query it op. When ds has been harmed by another child I have always been told what has happened but the name of the child is never mentioned although ds tells me who it was later I am always told whether it was accidental or intentional too. Yanbu and should have been told especially about a full on punch in the nose. Hope your dd is ok

Do talk to the school. At 5 they can get their words mixed up. It may have been a bump and not a deliberate punch. And the not playing may have nothing to do with the incident.

Definitely query it. YANBU to expect to be told the truth about what has happened

Thanks, it's nice to know I'm not overreacting. Good point though wolfiefan, I think I just need to clarify what actually happened and take it from there. If it was an accident I would still want to know so that I could help her understand that no one meant to hurt her.

Trujay yes she is fine thanks I don't think she was hit hard, probably hurt her feelings more than her nose

I don't think you are being unreasonable to just ask if they can clarify what happened. Glad she's ok. X

I would just ask for clarification.

When my DS was in Reception, school told me he has "fallen down" a couple of steps.

When I got home DS said that another boy had pushed him.

After I'd restrained myself from going into school all guns blazing, i asked for more details and it turned out that, yes, he had been pushed over by another boy, but only after the other boy had tripped himself and fallen into DS. world of difference between this sort of "pushing" and the deliberate type.

Can’t understand why they didn’t tell you? My kids primary school told me if there was an incident. Never used to say who did it of course. Kids used to tell me when they got in the car.

You are taking the word of your 5 Yo as gospel, over the word of the teacher.

If it does turn out another child hit your child don't assume the worst about that child. My DS found it hard to settle in to school as was later diagnosed with autism. He had hit children the odd time when he was confused and mistakenly felt under threat. He doesn't hit any more. Children are so young at this stage and some are more immature than others and still learning the rules about what is acceptable behaviour.

i also think if an incident isnt actually witnessed by an adult they cant really say 'a child hit' a child....its he say, she say.....and has to be handled appropriately/sensitively

It has clearly been dealt with as the child has been punished. Your daughter brought it up, allowing you to discuss it and comfort her that everything is now ok.
I don't see that this needs any further follow up.

He might have hit her by accident when removing a jumper or the like. Him not being allowed out to play might not even be connected to the incident. Just check.

Although saying that, I would believe my DS if he told me that's what had happened!

Was it the same teacher? Sometimes messages don't get passed on correctly. Perhaps it was a supply teacher.
It would be perfectly reasonable to ask them. Explain that DD had told you that another child had hit her and see what they say.
We always tell the parent/ carer if another child has hit their child. We don't say who it was but the kids usually know. We speak to them both at the time to try to find out what happened. We deal with it straight away then if it happened on the playground we have to go to each teacher and pass the information on. If necessary they are sent to Ass. Head or Head. Not at 5yr old though! I sent one today.

wellthen you don't think a parent has a right to know that their child was punched in the nose if that happened?

If that's true then l pity your dc. What sort of parent doesn't want to know that about their 5 yo? And saying it's been dealt with is a big fat cop out.

If that's true then l pity your dc. thanks, what a charming thing to say.

What sort of parent doesn't want to know that about their 5 yo? I didnt say anything of the sort, in fact I assumed the op had a long conversation with her dd. In the same situation I would be asking:
Who hit
Has it happened before
Was it a silly accident or was x cross with you?
Was the teacher cross?
Are you happy that the situation has been resolved? (in 5 year old language)

If I wasn't happy with the answers (including if I didn't believe my child or if they were making a drama out of it), I would go in to or ring to ask.

But just, 'I'm going in because I wasn't told something I would have liked to know, even though I have all the information and the teacher has sorted it out.' is a bit unnecessary. But you know, she's 5. Its natural to be extra worried when they're so little. Not for me obviously, I don't care about my children

And saying it's been dealt with is a big fat cop out whos copping out of what? I dont understand.