to be pissed off with the cards I've been dealt.

[FlowersAndShit]

I'm just sat here crying, what could've been. I just want some friends, a loving partner and children. I've been a hermit for half of my life (I'm 25) and I just don't seem to fit in anywhere. I'm quiet and odd. I dislike men, have had years of therapy. I have a dysfunctional family and i'm highly likely to be barren.

All of my peers are now settling into good careers or have had children, got married. It's all I want and it hurts like fuck to not have a single friend to talk to or go for coffee with.

I spent all of my teens as a hermit, taking overdoses and wishing I was dead. I've forced myself to try to change things and can now catch the bus into town to go to the anxiety coffee group with other women. I was hoping I could make a good friend but we don't have much in common as the women there are old enough to be my mum. I have text one of them but not heard back.

I feel like my life is some sort of shit joke and I'm constantly faced with obstacles every step of the way. I've realised that even if I get better, I will still be at a disadvantage when applying for things like jobs - as I've never had one and have fuck all to put on my CV. Employers will ask what I've been doing since leaving school at 16 and I won't be able to answer them.

I don't want to try anymore, i'll have to find a way to be content with my life as it is because I just can't deal with all of the disappointment of life.

Life is all about luck and I don't have any

Life is not about luck.
I was born with a genetic disorder.
My answer to why me is why not me.
You are being proactive which is great.
Going to the anxiety group is fantastic.
Believe it or not, everyone is struggling.
Everyday, make one small goal and as each good adds up, you will feel more confident.
One small goal each day. Keep a record of all the goals you have achieved.at my lowest ebb my goal was Smile Today. And I did, and that was an achievement for me.
You are in control of your life.
Some people (refugees, those without safe drinking water, those at war) are not in control of their lives.
You are.
I would recommend contacting charities via their websites/emails related to anxiety and asking them support for social inclusion. Access to transport might be something you need help with.
Good luck OP and best wishes for your future.

Thank you all for your support

Outwith I will have a look at that link, thank you!

Clarence I'd love to foster but i'm renting. Would I need permission from my landlord? I already have a cat.

hefzi Thank you! That is so helpful, I'm going to look into the volunteering , it's something to work towards and put on my CV!

I rent and foster. But I believe the rule is one spare bedroom per extra cat. The idea is that one cat could live separately from another if they needed to.

But even if you couldn't foster, you could contact your local branch anyway and offer your time. You could accompany a welfare officer on home checks, looking for ferals, checking on cats in kennels, etc. I know if you lived locally to me, my branch would be happy to claim you!

I should add the move changed my life- I had an in built social life with the house share. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere- it boosted my confidence as I also had friends from work which meant I could socialise in London to. I met someone who is interesting and dynamic - he's an Architect and I didn't meet anybody like him in Worcester. We now have an 8 year old and a 4 year old. I'm 38 now and after a long period of being a SAHP I'm trying to get a permanent post that is interesting but it is harder now to convince someone of my commitment.

I think it's feeling depressed whcih is your problem rather than the other circumstances. Ways to cheer yourself up include going on long walks or runs every day. Eating less and only eating whole foods and drinking water. (and pills if you need them).

Good luck with the volunteering. As for me my ideal is being alone - I cannot wait to get to 85 when I actually might be alone. It seems like heaven on earth to me - funny how we can all be so different.

My husband has just finished an OU degree and I am in awe of anyone who can achieve this. The self discipline and motivation you have makes you very desirable to employers. You do sound as though you are being very hard on yourself. You may see others presenting ( on social media maybe?) that they have perfect lives, it's probably not true! Try some volunteering with charities that need your expertise- rehabilitating offenders/ homelessness/ youth organisations/ any charity that works with vulnerable people. And remember you might not like the first thing you try, keep going till you find "a fit". You will... and life will blossom. Good luck xxx

Thank you so much everyone

Tons of volunteering jobs of all kinds on here- do-it.org

Youth Offending Teams often take volunteers and your degree is highly relevant to that area of work.
Often young offenders have mental health difficulties too, so again your experiences with anxiety (should you choose to disclose about that) add to what you could offer.
If you fancy making a difference with young people on the cusp of wrecking their lives, give your local YOT a ring and ask about volunteering. Many people have used volunteering with YOT as a way of building experience on their CVs and getting a toe hold in paid work.
Good luck.

I was quite a miserable in my teens and early twenties. Not saying I'm the life and soul of things now, but my life started getting much better around 24 or 25. In fact, my mid to late twenties were probably the best part so far. The hormones have settled down, peer pressure is less, but you're still young.

I don't really agree that 'life is all you make it' either, we all have our personalities from birth or early childhood and it's difficult to change our way of thinking, but I do think things generally get better at around your age.

"I'll probably get flamed for this recommendation but if you're anxious at interviews having one shot of vodka can help as it focuses the mind but doesn't smell. Obviously not if you have addictive tendencies. "

I've found that a glass of wine works. Your breath is unlikely to smell after one glass. I only do it for afternoon interviews though . Was offered a job using this method.

I'm so lonely - I wish I had a friend I'm not sure how much longer I can go on like this.

Flowers - if you do some of the things people have suggested (animal shelter etc, keep up going to the group) you will have more to do, which helps your mood, and more company. Another possibility is volunteering to befriend a lonely elderly person. You may not make friends straight away but you will be less lonely. Keep posting on here too - look at all the kind messages you've had!

I'm sorry you're still struggling.

Have you heard of the Cinnamon Trust? www.cinnamon.org.uk/volunteers/ They organise volunteer dog walkers for the elderly or ill. Perhaps it might be something you could do?

And please don't compare your self to others. Nobody has a perfect life, despite the (highly selective) bollocks people share on Facebook and similar.

Thank you - I'll be going to the group again on Friday.

The cinnamon trust looks good... i'm not sure if I'm brave enough to do that yet. I just feel stuck in a rut.

I think you need to aim first to have more acquaintances and then from that slowly you may meet friends.

Is there a voluteer bureau near you, they can be really helpful and sit down with you and work out what voluntary work might suit you, taking into account buses, anxiety, interests etc.

Also depending on financial circumstance, you may be able to do some evening classes locally for free. That is a good way to meet people. I did pottery, I wasn't great at it but it was fun and a regular slot.

Good luck.

Flowers this may sound harsh (and it probably is a bit, but it's not meant to be mean), you need to accept and realise that the only thing stopping you doing all the things you say you want to do is you.

Unless You decide to stop making excuses for yourself and that things are going to change nothing in your life will ever change. I hope you find the resource within yourself to take some positive steps.

Hi Flowers have you thought about becoming a volunteer in court? Your degree made me think of this

Last year one of my dc had to be a witness and we were assigned a court helper to look after us. We got to know her over the two weeks. She was a lovely lady who had spent her life nursing her mum, had suffered mental health problems and lived alone with her cat. I don't know how we would have got through that trial without her. I wrote to tell her afterwards and it made me think what a worth while important role she had.

I hope things get better for you. I would definitely recommend a visit to your gp. I think you may benefit from a course of antidepressants. They may help lift you just enough to think yeah I can do this, because you sound like you can.

Flowers congratulations on the degree
We have the dysfunctional family thing in common and that is a big deal...

my dysfunctional background has eventually created one advantage in that when I felt driven to work with lonely children and their families I found that I do a better job of winning trust because there are thing I "get"( I wish I didn't but heigh ho)
The friendship thing tends not to come until either you meetsomeone with a similar story or you work alongside someone on an absorbing project that makes you forget yourself and you slowly build up camaraderie ( leads back to volunteering again)

Rainbow Yes, I have been thinking about doing some evening classes - the local college is within walking distance too.

Anthony I understand what you are saying, but ssometimes life is just stagnant despite my best efforts. I really thought the group would open up doors for me but it hasn't.

Zister That's a great idea, thank you! Is a court helper the same as a victim support person? I'd love to do something like that and get some experience. I'm already on antidepressants (since I was 16) and taking supplements/vitamins which are helping.

MissTriggs Thank you!

I think you are right about the friendship thing. Can I ask what volunteer work you do?

Hi Flowers,

Another one who was wondering how you were getting on.

As you say the local college is in walking distance, do you think you can aim to go in there this week and get some information on evening classes??

Then come back on here and tell us how you got on. (us being your online friends and all)

Mine is "sort of " music therapy...., at the interview they said "is this about you and your past?" I said " of course it is but I realise that"....'

it Is best to start as a volunteer because the suffering of others brings out your own "stuff" so you need to work at your own pace which as a volunteer you can do. in that way you can take time to absorb any reaction you might have to what you see ( also I think this is why it can be easier to help animals/ do something that is not too close to your own causes of suffering).
The key thing is to find something that absorbs you and creates potential for friendship but not necessarily straight away or in the way you expect/ want.

I can remember a powerful feeling that I could not solve my problems but I could help solve someone else's problems just a little bit. that was five years ago so it is less raw now.

I am older than you- it took a long time to reach this point
Good luck

I don't know about that...I may have to build up to it. But it's something for me to work towards I think I might learn a new language or something.

I've done a few evening classes, and I've never found them to be particularly good for meeting new friends (although that might vary by course and I am a fairly unsociable sort). However, it will give you an additional qualification or skill AND get you out of the house. I'd call that a win.

You can take baby steps. Look at courses online first. Then ring to find out when you can enrol. Then go and enrol in person.

With the anxiety group, I wouldn't be surprised if the other members are equally lonely and anxious about making new friends. I wouldn't take any lack of response personally, maybe that woman just didn't know what to say?