AIBU to want to tak about my daughter? (Trigger warning)

[Walkthroughthefire]

My beautiful daughter should be turning three tomorrow.

She was born still in 2013.

I can't believe three years have passed. I feel like everyone wants me to 'shut the fuck up about the dead baby already - you have another one now.'

She was so beautiful and perfect. She had a rosebud pout, a button nose and enormous hands and feet. I was so proud when she was born, even though she was born silently. I just want the world to know she existed and was wonderful and magical. She would get really active when I took baths or listened to music - she could kick really hard. I loved being pregnant with her and am so glad I got that opportunity. I think (hope) she's made me a better person but I wish we could have kept her.

My beautiful star girl.

I will be thinking of you, so sorry for your loss.
I lost my dd Daisy to meningitis she was only 17 months old. I feel for you I really do

Beautiful name - will be thinking of you and Sylvie tomorrow.

My nephew died the day after he was born nearly 3 years ago now and I still think about him lots. Gone but definitely not forgotten, just like Sylvie.

A friend of mine had twins, one of whom was stillborn. The surviving child is now 6. Each birthday and Christmas she gets a lovely personalised card made for the dd she lost, and her and her dh write messages to the baby telling her how much they love her etc. She has a memory box for these cards and other special items.
Having her twin alive is obviously wonderful but also a sad reminder all the time of the other little one who 'should' be there too.

My friend talks freely about her dd, more so now time is passing a bit. She has a memorial area in her garden for her, and a photo of her by the bed.

I thinks it's lovely. These children were real and cherished. If people can't understand that then it is them who are wrong not you.

I went through the same thing 9 years ago. I went into labour at 24 weeks knowing there was no chance of her surviving. We held her for 2 hours until she was officially pronounced dead. It was absolutely the worst thing I've ever been through. The emptiness was indescribable. We called her Grace.

I did the thing that everyone advises against and got pregnant about 3 months later. I wasn't trying to replace her but I was absolutely driven to fill this massive bloody void. For months and months my face was like a leaking tap. For me, giving birth to another daughter did help enormously. I do still mark Grace's birth every year and I do still feel sad and wish she was here too, but the pain does lesson. I don't think about it all the time anymore and I get a lot of joy from my other children.

If you want to pm me please feel free. I'd be happy to talk to you.

Take care x

Happy birthday sylvie.

I'm very sorry for your loss. You will always hold Sylvie in your heart and that's just as it should be. I hope you have some people you can talk to in RL and cherish her memory

My Clare should have been18 in a few days. I remember her every day- but it's bearable now. It gets better, I promise. Be gentle with yourself. And, if he's around, don't forget precious Sylvie's dad. My Dp tried so hard to be strong for me because he thought that's what he had to be. But we needed to grieve together. It took us a while to realise that.

Am just a stranger in cyberspace but I am holding Sylvie (beautiful name) in my thoughts. And you, and all of yours.

My ds Robbie died before he was born too. He would have been 18 this August. We will never forget

to al of you who have lost child.

My heart goes out to you.

all

Unfortunately most people are awkward about circumstances like ours as they find them upsetting so would prefer to pretend it didn't happen. They can't help it.

Mia, my DD2, would have been 15 in the spring. 3 more babies afterwards never took away the loss. She existed, she was loved and there will always be an empty space at the table. People have often commented on the large age gap between my 1st and 3rd DCs. I don't often mention Mia, but when I have, there is normally an awkward silence and a swift 'moving on'.

(hugs) to you. You are not alone. Sylvie will always exist in you.

I will keep your beautiful Sylvie in my thought what a beautiful name Talk away. We are all here. I am so sorry life can be so cruel.

Sylvie - what a beautiful name. I know what you mean about talking about her, but I think that's because other people don't understand the need a bereaved parent has to keep their child's memory alive. My son passed away at just a few weeks old having never made it home from hospital, and he would have turned 19 yesterday. I still talk about him, and in fact to him as well. Don't let anyone make you feel you can't talk about Sylvie - she was real, and beautiful, and your pride in her shines through. Be kind to yourself tomorrow and I'll think of you

Happy birthday to your Sylvie. I have never lost a child but thought I might. I am grateful every day that dd made it. The pain must be indescribable. Please keep talking about her, she is here and will always be your firstborn.x

our littlest one should be nearly two but was stillborn not long before our due date. I know some people flinch when I bring it up, think I should have moved on. They have no idea. Thinking of Sylvie, she is very loved and nothing - not even time - can change that

Sod everyone and talk about your beautiful Sylvie as much as you want. You can talk to me about her whenever!

I know anniversaries are particularly hard. I have just managed to get through the one year since my son was stillborn, his due date, his funeral date. I too have a rainbow baby but it doesn't take away the pain or the loss you feel. We carried our babies and felt their personalities, even in the womb. We imagined our future with them. We learn to live with it but we never get over it.

Happy birthday Sylvie.

Beautiful words about a beautiful baby with a beautiful name.

Happy birthday Sylvie.

OP.

xx

My Gabriella should have been 23 last month, but I lost her at 22 weeks. She is still with me, in my heart.
Happy Birthday, Sylvie. My condolences and to you, Walkithroughthefire and to the others mourning their beloved lost souls still.

Talk about her as much as you need to, remember her. So sorry you have been through this. I have 2 friends who've had similar.

Have you heard of/been in touch with SANDS? I've heard they can be very supportive but know that's not for everyone.

I have lost 3 to mc/ectopic pregnancy. It is a mere glimpse of the pain you and other pps who've lost older angels. I wish you peace and comfort.

Happy birthday to Sylvie (beautiful name).

for Sylvie, and for you.

Happy Birthday, Sylvie 🎈 💞 x.

Happy Birthday Sylvie xx.

Walkthrough, I am so sorry for the loss of your darling baby Sylvie (lovely name). My first baby girl, Elaine was stillborn at 40 weeks, she died during early stage labour. It was the most distressing time of my life. She would have been 24 on the 27th of this month.

I was fortunate to be able to conceive again and had another daughter within a year and a son within a year after that. Both my DC have been brought up knowing they have a big sister. Unfortunately, I think because we have other children, some people think we have forgotten about our babies which we all know is not the case.

I felt exactly like you in the early years, some people know the exact thing to say but many others are unsure and some are more callous. We should never have to feel uncomfortable taking about our babies. I can now go several days without thinking about Elaine and I can now most times think about her and what kind of woman she might have been without crying but I still sometimes do cry for my baby 24 years later.

Stay strong and talk about your dear, sweet Sylvie as often as you wish. I will be thinking of you both tomorrow.