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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that a toyshop shouldn't change the fur they make their bear with?

113 replies

DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 15:54

DD2 has an attachment to a particular bear only sold in one shop. There have been various replacements over the last 2 years and we've always had at least one bear in reserve because she NEEDS her bear.

Last night she was sick all over said item and we had to deploy the last replacement we had in the house. Went to get some replacement bears to refill the stash - AND THEY'VE CHANGED THE FUR THEY MAKE THE BEAR WITH!!!

I offered her the new bear, having sneakily removed the existing one (we swap them around regularly so they all age at roughly the same rate) and for the first time ever she realised straight away and rejected the bear.

AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH - what do i do now?

Please confirm that I'm not being unreasonable to want to hunt down whoever thought changing the bear's characteristics so much that even a 2 year old can tell the difference and drag them along to my house next time we need a replacement bear so they can see the impact their decision has had on a poor little innocent bear addict. Or alternatively suggest some other fitting punishment for them!

OP posts:

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toomuchtooold · 31/01/2016 17:57

Pinkpop in the "scary situation" post the OP explained the nursery situation perfectly well and I don't see where you got anxiety issues from. My kids' first nursery actually asked us to bring in their bedtime bears to help with the transition and to help them nap. Totally standard.

Original poster

DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 17:58

i like 'bear-maintenance protocols' - thanks norks! i shall adopt that as my new phrase for the day :)

OP posts:

coffeeisnectar · 31/01/2016 18:03

Dd 2 is 10. When she was 6, despite already having tons of soft toys, a friend of mine who worked in the perfume shop bought her one of the teddies they had on a promotion. This means they no longer do them.

Well teddy is now battered, thin, been washed so many times and has hardly any stuffing as its all in his feet. Dd still loves him. He has an astronaut outfit which she dresses him in and then undressed him at night and folds his clothes up.

Teddy rarely leaves the house. He's been on holiday though and camping but he goes in a suitcase and we make sure he doesn't leave where she's sleeping so he can't be left anywhere.

He's the most pitiful looking bear but she loves him.

TSSDNCOP · 31/01/2016 18:10

We have Rabbit.

Our problem is that Rabbit wasn't ordained as Special Rabbit until he'd been with us about 5 years. So the genius idea of multiple fake Rabbits hadn't been an option.

As a consequence Rabbit is looked after when out and about with almost as much attention to security as the chaps that guard our own dear Queen.

He is usually only a bedroom toy, but has had a starring role in the school play, been in the cockpit of a 747 and worn the pilots hat and been to the theatre on Broadway and scooted round Central Park.

He has the appearance that only a truly loved toy ever has, but he is part of our family and we all love him.

Potatoface2 · 31/01/2016 18:11

just put the bear on a rinse cycle with fabric conditioner....works well for me, never wash anything by hand, even jumpers, just do this!

PinkPopPonyTrotsOn · 31/01/2016 18:21

I think I must have missed that post!

I still think buying and stressing out over 4 bears is a bit OTT but that's just the way I see it so mine just had the one and it was a bed time toy.
Special toys were discouraged at pre school, mine didn't go to a Nursery, precisely because they got lost, someone touched it and all the upset etc.

I have my one battered, one eared bear on my bed, I cut it off No other bear could ever replace him.

madwomanbackintheattic · 31/01/2016 18:24

Bunny only has one eye and is a veteran of many washing machines (snot, vomit, nosebleeds etc). He is a fairly grim shade of grey (used to be white). Bunny also got left behind when she went on her first ever week long camp without anyone she knew. We drove 1200kms to reunite them before the first bedtime. No histrionics about spares here, lol. It would be like looking for a replacement child if one skinned their knee. There is only one Bunny.

SquinkiesRule · 31/01/2016 18:33

OP try throwing the new wrong bear through the washing a few times it may lose it's plushness and become acceptable.
We had a cow head on a clown body from a vending machine in Circus Circus casino that Ds 2 was very attached too. It was a nightmare and impossible to replace poor Moo Moo. He was lost and found a few times over the years, locked overnight in a church hall, then left at a friends for three days before I could go back and get him Ds insisted on phoning moo moo each night say goodnight then went weepy He still has him washed and bagged and very threadbare.

starry0ne · 31/01/2016 18:36

Well Glad Vom bear has made it through the wash.

My DS's special bear ( build a bear ) has been through the wash in pillow case various times due to been wee 'd on.. He is either dried on the heater or on the line..

The people who didn't get this post..Mum has been up all night with vomitng post...Doesn't really expect Hamleys to never change fur ( it was tongue in cheek ) Some children are far more attached than others.

My friend has 3 of the same teddy..Child knows all identical... He is 3 nearly 4) ... but she is convinced he has a favourite as he will ask for a new one till he gets the one he wants

Hope your little one is better and you and vom bear all get a good nights sleep

BoGrainger · 31/01/2016 18:44

I'm in my 50s and still have a teddy, rabbit and monkey that I was given when I was born. If my mum turned round and told me they'd been incarnated a few times they wouldn't actually mean anything to me any more! I just asked dd3(18) how she'd feel if I told her Hippity rabbit and Doodles dog were not the originals and she looked aghast! I'm just wondering how the children of multiple versions are going to feel in the future

Original poster

DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 18:58

so do those people that have problems with people having replacement bears also have problems with replacement pet goldfishes and hamsters?

i understand goldfish replacement has been going on for many a year and hamsters don't last as long as many seem to... genuine question!

OP posts:

OneMagnumisneverenough · 31/01/2016 19:03

We had a few goldfish that wen't down the loo to visit their Mums and never came home again....

The hamster died and we were very sad.

I don't think by shielding children from loss we are doing them favours in the long term tbh.

PinkPopPonyTrotsOn · 31/01/2016 19:04

It was the 4 bears plus trying to buy more - just seemed very OTT to me.
The fact the bear was pink and therefore no longer acceptable

Glad there are a few people who acknowledge that there is only one bear/rabbit/doodles dog that no matter how battered or even when lost will do

OneMagnumisneverenough · 31/01/2016 19:05

went

Goldfish were when DSs were toddler age so probably a bit less than honest. Hamster was primary school age so was obviously more honest.

PinkPopPonyTrotsOn · 31/01/2016 19:05

Oh Thank god one
Yes !!!!!!!!! this !

OneMagnumisneverenough · 31/01/2016 19:06

yup - 4 was getting ott.

TelephoneIgnoringMachine · 31/01/2016 19:12

The duplication if a favoured toy must be a generational thing. Our DD has 2 of a particular toy (1 about 20 years old, given by a neighbour, the other was bought from the USA after extensive internet searching). In contrast, my DM still has her bear she received for 1st birthday - she's recently turned 60!

AvaLeStrange · 31/01/2016 19:14

I'm with Norks and firmly in the replacement camp, and my DD was 7 when we had to do it with a Build a Bear that went AWOL at Butlins. I think I was at least as upset as DD and she'd only had Vanessa for 8 months at that point!

4 years later Vanessa (Mk2) is still going strong and loves a spa day !

to think that a toyshop shouldn't change the fur they make their bear with?

AvaLeStrange · 31/01/2016 19:15

I don't think by shielding children from loss we are doing them favours in the long term tbh.

I take your point but the child in question here 2!!!

5madthings · 31/01/2016 19:16

My dd has lamby, he is rather manky looking as he was white, once I realised he had become special I got a spare, of course of all the toys to fall in love with lamby happened to be a steiff limited edition and it was stupid money to get a spare. Mil who bought original lamby managed to get us a spare but the spare has never been acceptable even from a young age and even in her sleep dd can tell them apart. is known as imposter lamby and though it gets played with it is not loved and is not special like lamby is.

Lamby says hand wash but I just put him in a pillowcase periodically and wash and then dry with hairdryer. Now dd is 5 lamby does not leave the house, when she was younger it was quite stressful, the odd time we had to retrace our steps to find him etc. Lamby wears a collar with my phone number just incase!

Ds4 has a 'diddy' as his comforter, now age 7 it lives in his bed, but diddy was a cellular cotton cot blanket of which we had several and they are easy to replace.

I am expecting Dc6 and dd is wanting to choose a cuddly for the baby, my only specification is that it's generic and easy to get hold of a spare, I think muslin cloths etc are good loveys as easy to have a few.

I can understand your frustration op,I do think shopping out the teddy that went a bit pink was ott but I hope teddy survived the wash Ok.

headsshouldersbarestbum · 31/01/2016 19:18

The youngest has 2 cuddle objects of the same species (being deliberately vague here as its really outable)

He sleeps on top of one of them, its vile. It frequently gets a 60 degree wash despite being 'sponge clean only'

Still alive.

KathyBeale · 31/01/2016 19:18

We've got Mr Stripes - a primark tiger that had been discontinued long before I realised how special he was. I did buy another from eBay but obviously that was pristine and became The Other Mr Stripes. He has now become Mrs Stripes with the addition of a hair bow, and some stitched-on eyelashes and red lips. She was a birthday present for Mr Stripes! But she's not nearly as loved, poor lass.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 31/01/2016 19:20

The child in the OP is two but there are many more of older ages on the thread.

And, at 2 I think one or at most 2 attempts to replace are probably fair enough but 4 and upwards, I think you have to deal with that a bit differently.

By age 2 my children had lost 2 grandparents and 2 uncles, I couldn't buy replacements. I accept though that they didn't spend all day every day with those people so didn't miss them as much as we did.

Excited101 · 31/01/2016 19:32

I agree with one

All soft toys should be going through the washing machine regularly too, they must become encrusted otherwise!

bbpp · 31/01/2016 19:45

I was given a bear by my auntie the day I was born. As evidenced by the fact it is see through, stained and has a smashed eye and no mouth, it's never been replaced. Betty the bear looks shocking but I think it's part of her charm.

I'm in the don't replace camp!

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