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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that a toyshop shouldn't change the fur they make their bear with?

113 replies

DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 15:54

DD2 has an attachment to a particular bear only sold in one shop. There have been various replacements over the last 2 years and we've always had at least one bear in reserve because she NEEDS her bear.

Last night she was sick all over said item and we had to deploy the last replacement we had in the house. Went to get some replacement bears to refill the stash - AND THEY'VE CHANGED THE FUR THEY MAKE THE BEAR WITH!!!

I offered her the new bear, having sneakily removed the existing one (we swap them around regularly so they all age at roughly the same rate) and for the first time ever she realised straight away and rejected the bear.

AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH - what do i do now?

Please confirm that I'm not being unreasonable to want to hunt down whoever thought changing the bear's characteristics so much that even a 2 year old can tell the difference and drag them along to my house next time we need a replacement bear so they can see the impact their decision has had on a poor little innocent bear addict. Or alternatively suggest some other fitting punishment for them!

OP posts:

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Original poster

DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 16:22

Ooooh Loveleopardprint - that's the right bear and the right version! :) The new one is much plushier and doesn't have the same fur texture :) I shall investigate immediately

OP posts:

Loveleopardprint · 31/01/2016 16:23

Happy to help!

Original poster

DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 16:28

cremebrulee - we've been through 4 - one lost by nursery, one left behind on holiday (i thought Daddy had checked we had the bear in hand luggage, he thought i had - we were halfway through the holiday and flying to the second place we were staying - luckily we had a spare with us that we managed to extract from the suitcase before we handed it over in the airport), one sicked on last night and one turned a bright pink colour by being cuddled against a red coat that we didn't realise wasn't colourfast - we were able to swap him out for one of the spare bears we had before we even got her out of the car so she never really realised he'd gone pink.

OP posts:

olympicsrock · 31/01/2016 16:34

YABU to refer to your partner as Daddy.

Gobbolino6 · 31/01/2016 16:34

I would wash the head in a sink of soapy water.

Enkopkaffetak · 31/01/2016 16:34

OP I think your lucky your dd have taken the new bear each time up to now.

DD3 had Rara (her way of saying rabbit) We got Rara just after her 1st birthday to give to her for her 2nd Christmas.

Within 3 weeks we realised Rara was " special" so we went looking for another one to have 2. Purchased after much searching a 2nd "rara" (turns out the £18 rabbit we bought in Lille is actually some really unusual Russian brand that cost us £56 to get into the UK 2nd time) 2nd Rara arrives and dd REFUSED to deal with it. That was not Rara its Rabi (who became the naughty rabbit that got blamed on EVERYTHING) years later Rara now just naps a lot in a box in her room (dd3 is 12) and Rabi has been donated elsewhere he looked almost as pristine as when he arrived.

(Rara in picture 3 years ago helping to stir the Christmas cake - I admit I miss him being around - 6 years ago I would NEVER have believed I one day would miss the darn thing but he became a part of our family)

Enkopkaffetak · 31/01/2016 16:35

pic doesnt appear to have worked so trying a 2nd time.

to think that a toyshop shouldn't change the fur they make their bear with?

IAmAPaleontologist · 31/01/2016 16:35

Just wash him, he'll be fine. And depending on her age instigate a rule that he doesn't leave the house to prevent losses.

Ds1 has a doudou rabbit. He is 9 now. He was addicted to his doudou still is so we got a replacement and like you swapped them around and for a good while he was fooled. One day one got lost and we procured a replacement which was readily accepted. So we now had doudou1 and doudou3 with doudou2 having been lost. Then one day doudou3 was lost and so we procured doudou4 (getting replacements was a bit of a carry on because doudou came from France but thankfully that time my parents were there on holiday). Doudou4 arrived and was promptly rejected but happily doudou3 was miraculously found so doudou 4 was shelved somewhere. Then one day when ds was around 18 months old he suddenly started calling doudou1 "right doudou" and doudou3 "wrong doudou". He never again accepted doudou3.

Dd has 2 lions, has always happily accepted both and apart from a scary moment when she threw one in the river and it was rescued by a passing rower she has never lost one.

Anyway, fast forward several years and we have ds2. Ds2 never accepted a comfort toy, he must have been at least 2 and a half before he started sleeping with a toy. He picked up the neglected "wrong doudou", that is doudou3 one day and started refusing to go to sleep without it. Yippee! said I because he was a crap sleeper. When it seemed he was well attached I looked around for doudou4 to have a spare but I could never find it. In the meantime the wretched child also picked up a little white dog that dd bought at a school jumble sale and is therefore completely impossible to find a spare for.

Last week I was fishing around under the woodburner to find a bouncy ball and out came several lumps of coal, the biggest dust bunnies you ever saw in your life and doudou4! Goodness knows how long he was been under there, we are probably talking years. He went through the washing machine and has now been adopted by ds2. I'm quite pleased really,it is kind of nice that the reject is now loved, like he has finally fulfilled his purpose in life after all these years. Course the bloody child now goes to bed with doudou3 and 4 together plus the dog and I fear the consequences of a loss. Though the other day we couldn't find any of them so ds1 was very mature and donated doudou1 for the night and we coped.

I agree though, how a toy is made should never, ever be changed. All snuggly toys aimed at small children should be kept the same and if they are ever discontinued then a collection should be kept back in the warehouse for when the company is inevitably contacted by distraught parents. There should also be a law that if they ever run out of these the company agrees to manufacture more should the need arise.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 31/01/2016 16:38

Is it just me that's wondering how you've managed to go through several in two years?!

Original poster

DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 16:38

olympics - fair point, should have typed DH- clearly in my head i was talking about him in relation to the situation as in 'her daddy' but should have changed that in my post. doesn't really affect the unreasonableness of the bear replacement situation though :)

OP posts:

SpaceDinosaur · 31/01/2016 16:39

Dear god OP

4 bears in what, 5 minutes? is literally insane.
Get a fucking tracker chip for your daughter's toy! like this perhaps?

RudeElf · 31/01/2016 16:40

4 bears in two years?

I still have my elephant. He is 30 this year. Looks a bit worse for wear but its still him.

Original poster

DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 16:43

spacedinosaur - bit harsh - nursery lost one, one was turned a ridiculous colour by a coat we didn't know wasn't colourfast and one was sicked on last night which we're trying to wash. only the holiday loss was our 'fault'.

OP posts:

ConesOfDunshire · 31/01/2016 16:44

They all say surface clean only but I've washed most of DD's soft toys at some point or another. Gentle cycle and then a session in the dryer to fluff up again.

Original poster

DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 16:45

and yes, i really do wish the toy she became attached to wasn't white. there should be laws against making kids toys in white...

OP posts:

bishboschone · 31/01/2016 16:46

If that's the bear it will machine wash for sure .. All teddies wash ! Make sure you wash them all though as they will change texture

PinkPopPonyTrotsOn · 31/01/2016 16:47

Yabu and really OTT
Just wash the bear !
Surely DD knows she was sick on it and it needs washing ??

Lasaraleen · 31/01/2016 16:50

I can see where you're coming from but you can't honestly expect a retailer to keep all their soft toys exactly the same forever and ever. And 4 bears in two years is madness. We had a rule that you can't take anything to nursery unless you're happy to lose it. Special bears never leave the house unless on holiday and we make damn sure we come home with them as most of ours are irreplaceable!

unlucky83 · 31/01/2016 16:51

I feel your pain - DD1 lost her 'blue teddy' when she was about 3...and it caused a lot of tears and upset . And she wasn't glued to it, didn't need it to sleep but did want it when she was feeling sad/ill - we didn't know exactly when we lost it and the shop no longer sold them - I tried everything to get it back with no joy.
But the best laid plans - I decided you should always have a back up one. So for DD2's first teddy I bought 2 - a spare and from a big shop. She showed no interest in it at all but then at about 12 months spotted a toy deer in a charity shop and DP bought it - she became glued to it. It had a label and was made by a big manufacturer but was at least 10yrs old (they changed address). I couldn't find a spare - I had a saved ebay search I did get one quite similar after a year or so. (DP said she'd never fall for it so I tried at 2 ish and she did...but any older and I don't think she would have).
Now at nearly 9 she knows there are 2 and they have different names. I still have the ebay search going out of interest and I have still never seen another one exactly the same...

Coldlightofday · 31/01/2016 16:53

I think toys becoming a bit battered through love and washing is part of what makes them special.

You can't buy an ear that has been rubbed bare by baby fingers.

Original poster

DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 16:54

pinkpoppony

maybe i should have put 'lighthearted' in the title but i figured it was pretty obvious... apologies if it wasn't. i can't see how anyone would write 'poor little innocent bear addict' if they weren't being lighthearted - no one would write that seriously

but yes, i do believe that an established model of a toy that has been sold for over 5 years (my sister in law bought DD2 her original bear because her daughter had loved her bear, in a different colour) without changing the fur type shouldn't continue to use the same model name for the bear but change the fur completely

Enkopkaffetak - Rara looks very cute! our bear helped with the christmas cake too

OP posts:

Original poster

DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 16:59

ok, so the sicked on bear is currently in a pillowcase merrily being washed.

and maybe it is silly to not to have tried washing it before - i just honestly never thought it would be ok to put him in the machine because the label said wipe clean only. thought maybe the filling would go all manky or something.

so even those of you who think IABU - thanks for teaching me something about soft toys :) i may even be able to rescue the bear that turned pink if this works - he has not been thrown away.

OP posts:

TheCarpenter · 31/01/2016 16:59

You can't buy an ear that has been rubbed bare by baby fingers.

This made me want to weep. I have a battered worn old monkey, I still cuddle him when I'm ill or really down. My DS has lots of soft toys, but not one 'special one'.

YABU for switching the toys OP. Therapy session in the making! So a coat ran on him, and yes a wash due to sick might make him go a bit funny, but that's the charm. It's about the toy that saw everything you went through as a child.

TheCarpenter · 31/01/2016 17:01

X post

Original poster

DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 17:06

Looks like there are definitely two camps here - the ones who would never substitute the toy and the people that keep spares.

Most of the people i know either have spares or regret not having spares, and i remember the trauma of losing my bear when i was tiny.

So i became one of the people with spares.

i don't think having more than one devalues the relationship - it's the bond that's important. When DD2 is 18 there will only be one of the bears in the house. And her older sister (who's nearly 4) knows that there is more than 1 bear but wouldn't dream of telling her.

Of course she'll find out one day but she loves her bear and always will, even though he might not be the first incarnation.

OP posts:

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