To think that eating food you don't particularly like is just part of growing up?

[caitlinohara]

3 boys, aged 9, 7 and 4. All fussy about food in their own ways but nothing really extreme, no health issues and all a healthy weight.

The problem is that I find that I am spending hours a week meal planning and doing the shopping and cooking and all the budgeting that goes with it and it's getting me down. For example, ds1 will not eat any form of protein that isn't meat - so no cheese, no pulses, no nuts, and I have a bit of an aversion to eating lots of meat because we can't afford to buy free range/organic unless it's just for a couple of meals a week. Ds2 would live off purely carbs if he could, whereas ds3 won't eat starchy food - no bread, no rice and the only sort of pasta he will eat is spaghetti.

I am so tempted to just forget trying to please everyone or indeed anyone and make food that I like. My mum thinks this is awful and akin to bullying and will give them hangups about food - as a child I was very fussy and she made me whatever I wanted. Her argument is that I grew out of it and will now eat pretty much anything so it must have worked.

My argument is that as a parent I have a responsibility to put healthy food on the table, and if they don't like it that needn't stop them eating it. AIBU?

OP to me your boys definitely already have hang ups about food! It's an incredible level of fussiness/control that's going on here.

I would definitely go with one meal a week each of their choice and the rest of the time they do their best with what is put in front of them.

MrsKoala LOL at the picture of the banana!

I would eat things that I don't necessarily like. Not things I can't physically force town my throat though, unless held at gunpoint.

Example: I'm not that nuts about MILs cooking. I definitely can't say that I like it. But it's food, it has (some) nutrients and it (probably) won't kill me, so I eat it.
I would not eat if she served me shrimp (severe allergy) or offal (unable to eat without gagging).

The 'will only eat spaghetti and not linguini' seems to be rather in the first camp?

OP, YANBU. I think, culturally, we're set up to feel that food = pleasure rather than food = nutrition, so we expect eating food to be an enjoyable experience rather than a functional one. Of course it's best when food is pleasurable AND nutritious, but offering something pleasurable is not the single most important thing.

We all have to learn to deal with things we don't like. Genuine sensory issues aside, it is just part of life.

Another vote for the Bee Wilson book. It's interesting how much of what she discusses has come up on this thread. There's some fascinating stuff about how siblings can affect your food choices; either to exclude or include.

If you google 'tiny tastes' you'll come across the pack from UCL that she mentions, which is based on the research they've done in helping children widen their tastes.

Mackerel Your post is spot on and that's what I've been trying to convey to my mum. It's a whole 'first world problem' thing, innit?

Stupid bookshop didn't have the Bee Wilson book today so I have ordered online. The tiny tastes thing looks good Dontaskidontknow, it seems to be focussed on vegetables, which amazingly is one of the things that ISN'T a major problem, but I don't see why it couldn't be applied to everything.

"The only form of pasta he'll eat is spaghetti" - given that all pasta tastes identical, that is just sheer fussiness.

Not in the slightest coldlightofday. The textures feel entirely different in one's mouth. There are certain types of pasta that are very similar to each other in that respect, for example I suspect most people would find spaghetti and linguine to have similar textures. Probably only those who are particularly sensitive to the feel of food would differentiate. Spaghetti and conchiglie or penne, not so much. I would've thought it was common knowledge that lots of people focus on the texture of food as much as/more than the taste.

I was a fussy child, I'm still a bit of a fussy adult. I will eat things I don't love but if someone gave me asparagus or swede I would really struggle to eat it without gagging.