To think that eating food you don't particularly like is just part of growing up?

[caitlinohara]

3 boys, aged 9, 7 and 4. All fussy about food in their own ways but nothing really extreme, no health issues and all a healthy weight.

The problem is that I find that I am spending hours a week meal planning and doing the shopping and cooking and all the budgeting that goes with it and it's getting me down. For example, ds1 will not eat any form of protein that isn't meat - so no cheese, no pulses, no nuts, and I have a bit of an aversion to eating lots of meat because we can't afford to buy free range/organic unless it's just for a couple of meals a week. Ds2 would live off purely carbs if he could, whereas ds3 won't eat starchy food - no bread, no rice and the only sort of pasta he will eat is spaghetti.

I am so tempted to just forget trying to please everyone or indeed anyone and make food that I like. My mum thinks this is awful and akin to bullying and will give them hangups about food - as a child I was very fussy and she made me whatever I wanted. Her argument is that I grew out of it and will now eat pretty much anything so it must have worked.

My argument is that as a parent I have a responsibility to put healthy food on the table, and if they don't like it that needn't stop them eating it. AIBU?

I have fussy dc and i just make them what they will eat and give vitamins. DS1 eats sausage or breaded fish for dinner everyday - i may be able to coax 1 chip down him if i'm lucky and it's covered in ketchup and mayo. Both dc refuse all fruit and veg apart from 'red soup' (a mix of everything red i can think of blended up). DS1 wont eat carby food either, so no pasta, rice, cous cous, spuds etc. No sauce of any kind, everything has to be dry. Sometimes toast and jam/honey but not often. He will try everything quite good naturedly, but hates it, spits it out and says 'it feels horrible in my mouth'.

DS2 slightly better, he eats eggs, bread and beans and pureed fruit. But ds1 did at this age too then it all got much worse when he turned 3. I cook about 3-4 different lunches and dinners a day to fit in with everyones various likes/dislikes/needs.

My dd can be fussy at times but I don't just cook the things she likes as it would mean missing out on some of my favourite foods! If we are having something she doesn't like (rice, for example) I will make sure I serve it alongside something she does like (a mild chicken curry maybe.) Sometimes she will eat a bit of rice, other times she won't. I try not to comment on it much as I find it doesn't help, it just means everyone gets upset!
Dd also likes the sort of meal where everything is in the centre of the table and she can help herself - she often tries new foods this way, I think because there is less pressure and she can serve herself just a tiny amount before she decides if she likes it or not.

I meant to say i was fussy and i was raised that i should never have to eat what i don't like. My parents stance was they wouldn't eat what they didn't like, so why should I? Now i eat almost everything, but i came to it in my own time.

Op, this is ridiculous! Just make normal dinners and stop worrying about it! They're being fussy, because they can. After the initial couple of weeks I bet you'll find they eat things you never thought they would. Perhaps they can each choose a dinner of the week that everyone will have.

Don't offer preferable alternatives and make sure they don't fill up on snacks.

Op, this is ridiculous! Just make normal dinners and stop worrying about it! They're being fussy, because they can. After the initial couple of weeks I bet you'll find they eat things you never thought they would.

If it were only that simple...

I've never liked green vegetables other than lettuce, cucumber and peas which cannot be straight out of the pod, (dried or frozen are fine).I hate the taste.

As for rice, I grew up in a very old fashioned household where rice was only used for desserts. I was 25 before I had rice as a vegetable, and despite trying it several times, fried, steamed etc. still only eat it in a dessert. Same with any type of pasta.

I don't like any organ or offal type animal products, such as liver, kidney, tripe, sweetmeat, brain, haggis etc.

Correction. I don't east pasta as a dessert. I meant I did not try it until adult like the rice.

www.bonappetit.com/entertaining-style/trends-news/article/sense-of-taste-changes-aging

Thanks for the advice.

I guess I am just curious, because as an adult, if someone were to cook something for me that I really hated, I would just eat it anyway, so I don't know when this social skill kicks in. I struggle to see putting healthy, nicely presented food in front of my kids as wrong, but my mum doesn't agree.

they sound majorly fussy!

My oldest is a bit fussy (does not like mash) but I still make shep pue, of which he eats a small portion, with lots of bread on the side.

Bread, a banana later and a glass of milk, fine really

But Nanny it often is! I never said every time, I know some children still wouldn't, but many would and why not give a good attempt to chance things which are likely to work first, before thinking again.

I'd be feeling quite shit if someone knew i didn't like something and kept putting it in front of me and expecting me to eat it. When i was young i would actually feel panicky at the thought of having to eat something i didn't like (even if it was 'healthy and well presented'). My ds would be very upset if i put out food he didn't like and offered no alternative (he doesn't drink milk or eat bananas either) he would go to bed hungry and this would last a long time. I wouldn't want to turn food into such a battle and give him issues around it. I don't want him to attach any negative emotions to eating.

I had some eating issues in college as believed I wasnt good enough for certain foods after a childhood of being fed I didn't like.

Nobody in our house has to eat food they don't want or like so hopefully my children won't have the same issues. Food should be enjoyed.

MrsKoala yes but if they all disliked the same things that would be a different matter - they don't. ds1 might love something that ds3 won't even touch. It's not fair on ds1 if he never gets something just because his little brother won't eat it, and I don't have the time or the energy to start preparing multiple meals. And as an adult, if you went round to a friend's house and they cooked you something you didn't like, wouldn't you just eat it anyway? I would.

Autumn I'm sorry to hear that. I would hate to give my kids any sort of hangups about food, and I am really keen to avoid that. I would never force any of them to eat anything, I just can't go on spending hours of my life budgeting and obsessing about what we have for tea either. I like the idea of getting them each to choose what we have for tea once a week, and maybe getting them to help to make it.

I should probably add that ds1 does choose his own school dinners (which are beyond amazing at his school) so he does already have some say over what he eats..

YABU. Forcing people to eat something they don't like isn't very nice and won't usually get them to eat it

Can't you cook separate meals? That's what my mum did

I'd think they were being particularly horrible if they cooked something they new i didn't like. If they didn't know then and depending on what it was i may force some down to be polite (but i wouldn't in my own home where i am meant to be relaxed and comfortable - if dh made me something i didn't like i wouldn't) but if it was gaspacho then no, i have had to apologise and say i can't eat it (i tried one spoon once and involuntarily gagged). As i said i have 2 dc who also don't like the same foods and i cook something separately for them, and us. I usually cook in advance and reheat for the dc.

I avoid mealtimes at friends homes and if offered one refuse politely. I have tried the eating it anyway twice, and each time regretted it afterwards. Family meals are different as they know I prefer plain food, just as I know theirs preferences.

I agree not to pander to individual fussiness of food but then I would never force a child to eat what they don't want to.

So I make food that I like and if my dd doesn't want to eat it that is up to her.

I have horrid memory of my dm standing over me basically forcing me eat dinner, I couldn't stand texture of kidney beans or any beans and I then was sick everywhere.
I now can't eat most beans/pulses or peas as I will barf. I will try now and again but I think it is now deep rooted or simply I just don't like them!

I just about tolerate lentils.

who doesn't like rice? Seriously?

Both of my boys!

Sensory issues with food are extremely difficult to overcome, even by being grown up. I eat a wide diet, but sometimes, a mouthful of peas or green beans or even a stringy carrot or piece of broccoli will make me gag. It's completely involuntary. Or there's food that I like individually which develop a revolting smell that I simply can't deal with when they're on the plate together. Nothing out of the ordinary - things like baked beans with mashed potato, or ketchup with fish.

Both of my boys have pretty insurmountable food difficulties. I've had to accept that serving up a single meal for all of is is the exception, rather than the rule.

Quite often, the odd person out gets something simple. The boys had meatballs, this evening. One with pasta, one with oven chips. Leftover meatballs go into the fridge or freezer for another day. Both boys struggle with the texture of chicken breast, so I roast a load of chicken thighs and freeze some for another day. DS1 eats pasta, most days, so I buy jars of decent quality sauces, when they're on offer (the ones he likes are on a threefer in M&S, at the moment, so my cupboards are full!) For Christmas dinner, DS2 had what we did, minus the veg. DS1 had some of he veg, no gravy (it horrifies him and he hates the smell) and some pasta in tomato sauce on the side.

If I make a bolognaise sauce or similar, I freeze portions. If I'm not specifically making mince in a tomatoey sauce, I put some to one side and make it more tomatoey, so it can go with pasta. Or I might just stir it into some jarred sauce.

I watch MIL destroying cooking roast dinners with 8/10 different veg, every side dish imaginable, every different type of sauce, at xmas 4 types of roast. So each her boys can have their favorite. Some times she even cooks different types of peas in the same meal. OH refuses my mash, unless I add cream cheese, various flavorings, actually I'm not sure, because I only fell for this a few times. He will only eat home cooked chips if they are cut to approx 8mm square and deep fried, he seems to have forgotten the maris piper rule. Refuses any food he tried once in 1983 and didn't like much. You get the idea. The only place we seem to be able to eat out without fuss is MacDonald's, Burger King or a Greasy spoon. He says I'm fussy because I hate curry!

I cook one meal. One veg, sauce, roast etc. Food is put on their plates, not touching if thats what they want, if they murmur 'I don't like' they get cut off with 'I don't want to know, you don't have to eat it'. Meals served only ever have one thing they might moan about, but then I've been doing this since weaning. I don't worry about what they chose to consume in each meal being balanced, I consider each day, sometimes week. They are encouraged to try food and if they hate it told to wash it down with a drink and if really bad allowed to spit it out. Some times DS1 (6) will say he needs to eat more veg as he says he's a bit bunged up, I tell them to listen to their bodies, growing children have different nutritional needs to adults. We've gone from BLW to child led eating with manners and consideration for others. Yesterday DS1 asked for beef in oyster sauce for tea, I was surprised and very pleased. Tonight we had another favorite of chicken nuggets. MIL commented on their last visit how well they ate, much better than her other GC.

My DS's are involved with their food, asking for things they've seen, picking it in the supermarket, helping pick meals, cooking food and sometimes growing it. Though that would be much harder on a tight budget, I do talk to them about cost of food and pick accordingly. If they had tried to reduce their pasta to just one shape they would have been firmly told no and why (same ingredients and not fair on everybody else) at the start, much harder now for you now. I got BIL to start eating cheese aged about 25 because mozzarella is nothing like cheddar, he started eating pizza then and now eats other chesses. I'm not sure how you undo this learned behavior, but most of it seems to be preferences not hatred. I would try to appear disinterested to them in what they eat, remind them of how their preferences affect all of you and keep a bland selection of filler food. Making smoothies together (frozen fruit economical) and trying raw veg whilst cooking gets the most nutrition in them.

Good luck.

"Basically I just ignore them all. If you don't like what's for dinner, make yourself something on toast or a baked potato. All the more for the rest of us"

This !!!
All this worrying and fannying about- eat or don't.

DS was a hugely fussy eater until he was a teen, i never pushed it. He now eats most things.

I have two boys, one pretty fussy and the other less so... But they seem to be taking agin each other's likes atm! So one refuses to eat beef of any sort, while the other will eat any form of beef. One will eat potatoes and rice, the other will eat pasta and couscous. I've ended up cooking a lot of 'serve yourself' type meals, and trying to organise it so that each child likes at least 2 out of the 3-4 dishes served up. So they can eat what they like, are are encouraged to try the others.