To hate working for nothing

[Dreamonastar]

I know I'm not the only one on this boat, that after paying childcare fees and dog walkers and various other bits you're broke, but - it is painful to see the money go in your account then exit just as fast!

AIBU to ask if you're in this boat too?!

Depends what you are working towards. If you don't need what's left over or you don't like your current job then there's no point farming your DC and dog out for alternative care.
If it's an investment in your future career then it's a case of taking the financial hit now for the benefit to your CV later.

Well, the point is hopefully the old 'it's nor forever' thing, I don't consider the lovely nursery they attend to be farming them out though.

I'm in the same boat op. I am happy with their childcare and happy in my job, so I try not to think about it. We wouldn't be any worse off of I didn't work, however I'd never get this job again if I left it now. Also I'd go mad at home with the kids - not cut out to be a sahm.

It's just a stage in your career then isn't it. A bloody expensive one, but it will pass.

That's my worry as well, X,as, that I just wouldn't be able to get this job (or its equivalent) if I left for a bit. Looking forward to DD turning 3!

Working for your future pension! And future job prospects too, I can't imagine trying to break into the job market after being off for x number of years, hard enough to change job when you've got one already.

Dc are 2 and 4 and their childcare is slightly less than my take home wage so a large chunk of our income. It is depressing! Dd1 does get the free hours which is 200 quid saved a month as a maximum - but most months it's less.

I didn't get this job until I was 32 and worked hard to get it. I'd never give it up. Also the Dds nursery is great so I don't worry about that.

Keep going, it will pass. Worse for some women for whom it is actually cheaper not to work - fine if you don't want to - but if you do, or if you do a couple of years later, but have 3 kids in childcare, or something - and by the time they have finished caring can't get back in or have trouble - it really could be worse!

I think you need to view it differently - costs should be shared and offset against both salaries if you're in a marriage / partnership. I think it's really unfair how many women view full cost of childcare versus their salary - why?? Surely equal across both. Obviously different if single parent.

It's funny. You don't think it will happen to you. Well I didn't. We cursed at this stage. Felt poor, why are we doing this. Now I know why. Ten years down the line dh was made redundant and finding it really difficult to get a new job with a similar salary. V grateful I hung onto my job, kept skills up to date. We're not breaking even but my salary means he could take something with far less pay. You don't realise but a lot of people don't want to employ a man over 50. It may seem rubbish now. But what you're doing is planning for your future.

Agree with all the reasons that above posters have said, consider it a long term investment in your career. If it is a career that you are not particularly bothered about long term then could you find a job doing evenings/ weekends that fits around your partner's hours meaning no childcare costs? This is how we managed through 4 kids.

I think you need to view it differently - costs should be shared and offset against both salaries if you're in a marriage / partnership. I think it's really unfair how many women view full cost of childcare versus their salary - why?? Surely equal across both. Obviously different if single parent.

Because in a household, even if finances are joint, childcare often eats up the equivalent of an entire salary, and not all households can afford to take that hit. Yes, technically OP should pay (say, 500, and her DH 500) but if finances are joint, it makes no difference to how much is left over in the pot at the end of the month.

I don't quite understand this post- you aren't working for 'nothing', you are working presumably to have a nice house, children, a dog!

I get that these days, there isn't much left over for lovely holidays or nice clothes, I do feel like the money doesn't stretch nearly as far as it did say 7/8 years ago.

But I am the main breadwinner and I don't have much doubt what I'm working for- to keep us all going!

I worked for nothing for two years to cover childcare fees, but several years on by God, was it worth it. I've kept my pension, my skills, my confidence and importantly my sanity. Absolutely no regrets, as hard as it was at the time.

As for whether it's a good idea for someone to give up their career, I think it depends how catastrophic it would be if something happened to the main breadwinner. I am exceptionally glad I went back and have worked these past few years as we now do have to depend on my salary, I'm glad I didn't assume my husband would stay the main earner as this has not proved to be the case for two reasons (recession, illness).

I guess this is unlikely to happen in some ways, but I know several women who are the main earners now as their partner are older, or got made redundant and so roles have switched.

It is painful having not that much to show (beyond house, car, kids and dog) in terms of extras though.

Hermione: because if one person , usually the woman, sees her salary / job as 'working for nothing' then the dilemma is 'should she give up work' . As at least one poster on this thread has done, no one has said 'maybe your DH should give up work '.
And if you see your salary as only covering HALF the childcare, you won't feel as if you are working for nothing. As the OP does.

OP: you are working for your pension, and your next pay rise, promotion or professional development / training . Which can't happen if you give up work.

You are playing the long game OP. Hang in there. And given how lacking in confidence I felt after less than a years maternity leave, it must be brutal to work your way back after an extended break.

It sucks though. And a competent, right thinking government wouldn't allow it to happen.

You only need to read a few nightmare stories of SAHMs here, to learn that all marriages are not for life & one's darling partner may well, in the near or far future screw you over......
Don't ever underestimate the need for independence.

I would support any parent to stop work if they had to but I am so so grateful that I kept going. Am the breadwinner now and pretty grateful for the bread.

How much money is being paid into your pension ? It is Investment in your future .
What about the four weeks paid holidays ?

Work thru it now take the hit you in stronger position when dc older and need you more emotionally to ask for 80 per cent or less contract

The point of looking at one persons salary versus childcare costs is unless you have a job you want/career (in which case other factors come into play) but rather are working in a minimum wage/basic skilled job because you need the money then if it works out that you are working for 'nothing' after you have paid childcare and don't actually want to work apart from the money then it is pointless working, regardless of whether childcare is split between the two parents.
For example
Parent one earns 2000 a month
Parent two sees a job for 1000 but childcare is 1000 then if parent two would rather be at home and was only going to work for extra money then there isn't really any point in working.
I have 3 children and are quite close together (hence lessening the overall span of years preschool childcare was needed) I would have needed to earn 36000 to cover tax and childcare and bring home £0. I was earning £16000 prechildren so was never going to be able to get that sort of salary! I would rather have been at home (and eventually worked evenings) with the children and enjoying thier early years then working for nothing. Now they have all started school I have got a part time first rung on a career type job that is in school hours (apart from holidays)
Even now wrap around and holiday care for the 3 of them would make a serious dent in a job.

All our money is joint and but we still looked at the pros and cons of me working and the childcare costs of that offset agains any money I would earn. In the end we both felt if there was no financial benefit to me working then the benefit of me being at home with the children was of bigger benefit overall to the family then any future benefit of working for nothing (and even a loss) for 7 years.

think about it this way, you are not working for nothing, but for the opportunity to have a decent job when the state funding starts or when the kids start school.

Frankly, I am with you, when I add taxes and commute to childcare fees, I wan to cry!

It's an incredibly difficult equation to calculate and age has a bearing. I was 44 (and earning big bucks) when I had my child. I took 6 months off before really concentrating on work again, and all was well. But I had long warned DH that my earning power would plummet suddenly and at 47 it did. Several big clients were taken over by non-UK companies, de-listed from Stock Market etc . So I changed tack and did a PGCE in what was then a sought after subject. Then came a change of government, and my subject was booted off the curriculum; DH became life-threateningly ill (now well enough to be running his business again, so don't sympathise) so I deferred finishing a bit. I hoped for two/three days teaching per week but have never even had an invitation to interview, and I'm not going to move for a job when my life is here. So I am nearly 60, supposed to work until I'm 67, and yes, a bit cross about the whole thing. If anyone has any ideas, I'm keen to hear them.

Hermione is quite right, but I am in fact a single parent so not applicable to me.

We do not have a nice house either!