To think she should just stop being a nap slave and come out

[NorthernRosie]

I've a 'mum friend' I met at a playgroup just after our LO's were born and we used to see each other a few times a week.

What's driving me mad is that recently she appears to be unable to plan anything due to uncertain nap times for her baby girl.

Take yesterday - she texted asking me to go shopping with her but when I tried to pin a time down she said it depended when she napped and she couldn't say - am I meant to just be on call for when it suits her!? Our babies are the same age and have the same sleeping challenges.

And when we do manage to pin down a time she's always late due to napping (meaning I sit alone twiddling my thumbs) or she rushes off early to get her to nap.

I really don't understand this nap slavery. Surely her whole life can't revolve around her baby's napping schedule (or non schedule!). Sometimes babies have to work around normal life surely!

And it's not because she doesn't want to meet as she's always saying she wants to meet more. But this is getting very boring now....

I have a friend like this but worse! In addition to being a nap slave, all meals had to be eaten at home too (very strict Annabel Karmel style cubes of puree weaning, nothing could deviate from this).
This meant the only time of day she would agree to meet was between 2.30-4pm and I would have to come to her because her ds would scream in the car!
This was to the extent that they missed half of the party after her ds's own christening as they had to go home to give him lunch! Never mind that the rest of us with small dc were waiting around in the pub where the party was feeding our dc whatever we could find or had brought with us.
Her ds is 3 now and she is still a slave to his schedule. She was a good friend of mine in the past but tbh I don't bother with her much now.

People do their best and so what they feel is best for them and their child. I was lucky, mine could nap anywhere at that age, other babies I know couldn't. It's not wrong or right, it's just different.

Yanbu op nap slavery irritated me no end. Even worse when I found myself getting into it...... if it doesn't fit it doesn't fit I reckon

My DS could nap anywhere but on many occasions I would refuse to go out due to his naps because I desperately needed the break while he slept.
He was the worst night time sleeper ever and the grumpiest baby in the world so I absolutely needed my rest in the daytime.

People who had happy, sleeping babies didn't understand!

Slave nap here for 3 years!

My twins would only sleep in their cots in the dark. When they were having two naps a day life was pretty much confined to the house. From 14 months we started going in the mornings but had to be back for 11:30 to get ready to nap.

Two tired screaming babies wasn't worth any sort of social life!

The upshot was having two babies that slept loads and loved sleep.

I think I'm actually the opposite, I won't ever pass up on an opportunity to do something, anything, fun even if it doesn't fit with my DCs. Meltdown with a 3 year old on the Waterloo and city line anyone? I think balance is key so Yanbu.

I've recently ish moved and don't know many people here, there is one mum I've met who is lovely and our DCs get on really well too. But her little one's nap means she isn't free until after 3:30pm which means we end up doing things at the busiest times rather than making the most of having preschoolers. Also we always get stuck in traffic on the way back, my kids fall asleep and are a nightmare at bedtime. But I really like her and I don't have many friends here so I do it!

Slave nap here, sign me up! Well actually, DD never napped for longer than 10 minutes until she wa 6 months old. It was grim. Once she stared napping properly, and only ever in a Cot, I was all over encouraging it.

She's now 2.5 and naps for three hours a day. Only in cot. it's heavenly!

YABU.

3 hours a day! You should write a novel with that time

It's completely different to the situation I'm describing though!

Yanbu op. My sister was like this! Convinced her daughter wouldn't sleep anywhere but her cot in a pitch black, silent room. It wasn't the case. I was her nanny for almost a year and she slept in her pushchair or wherever all the time! I appreciate some babies won't nap or whatever but some parents are just martyrs!

I was a nap slave. I had terrible PND and anxiety and would have full blown panic attacks if Ds didn't sleep. I know lots of people thought I was crazy, and a nap slave and all sorts of things but it was dreadful. I ended up on antidepressants for two years for anxiety and even now I get very panicky about Ds and his sleep. So please don't be too quick to judge.

northernrosie - write a novel! i run my own business so it is heaven and very useful. i like to think my nap slave past has helped her nap like a dream :)

I think she is taking the piss. If she wants to make an arrangement then she needs to plan the nap around it or don't make the arrangement. Obviously cancelling if baby is unwell or unsettled or whatever is fine but she is basically expecting you and your baby to fit into her schedule. Very odd behaviour. Is she precious in other ways? Some people do get v precious about stuff like this.

Sorry I am a proud nap slave- let people do what works for them!lifeoftwohalves.wordpress.com/2016/04/24/a-routine-i-will-not-apologise-for-my-parenting/

Maybe the slavery to the naps is why her baby sleeps well at night. If DS2 didn't sleep when, where and how he wanted in the day it completely messed up his nightime sleep. I hated being a nap slave, but on the days I could I did because life was much, much better with a full nights sleep.

And sleeping all night doesn't necessarily make a baby 'easy' either.