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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude?

101 replies

HackerFucker22 · 28/01/2016 11:23

Had to take my 1 year old to A&E last night. She has bronchiolitis but I was very worried about her breathing. Was in for 4 hours and am seeing GP in a few hours as I'm not sure if she needs to go back to hospital.

Emailed work today - 3 separate people - and not one for them has even replied. It even an acknowledgement and a cursory "hope dc is ok"

For full disclosure I only went back yesterday from ML. I knew my little one was poorly but didn't want to let work down.

I am a long standing employee and I have a pretty good attendance record (been there 10 years. No time off in either pregnancy other than appointments and I was back between my 2 kids and only had 1.5 days off in 18m)

I have also text someone I work with so she knows as well.

Aibu to think this is fucking rude?

(I've offered to make up time I am missing today / take unpaid leave. I have apologised profusely)

OP posts:
leelu66 · 28/01/2016 14:16

I would expect a response from a manager, for sure.

I often don't respond to other team members emailing in sick.

Were these people 3 people colleagues? If you're not work friends, they may not bother.

Also, there will also be favourites. One colleague is full time but is only here 70% of the time that she should be here. No one bats an eyelid. If I'm not here, it's noted. Doesn't help that the colleague that is only here 70% of the time, is quick to run around to everyone asking where I am because she was 'worried about me' Hmm . Thankfully, my absences are almost always cleared with manager.

Pippa12 · 28/01/2016 14:34

I'm really suprised at some of these replies. My child care back up plan is I stay at home when they are so sick they've been in A&E. My mum, mil and sister all help out with childcare whilst DH and I work but no way would I expect them to make decisions about my sick child- coughs and colds yes, A&E visits??? Definately not. Timing is shocking I agree, but not something that can be controlled.

In the future tho, I'd ring up and explain situation rather than email. Text can be misleading and lack of reply frustrating. So in that sense I think YAB abit U, but that's allowed when you are beside yourself about your LO. I hope she picks up soon FlowersChocolate then Wine and lots of it at the weekend Grin In fact- have tomorrow off xx

MackerelOfFact · 28/01/2016 14:36

I'm sorry about your DD, I hope she's on the mend and doesn't need to be admitted. Flowers

I think in your shoes I'd be more worried about the fact they haven't confirmed they've seen your email rather than the fact they're not sending well wishes to your child.

These things happen, it's unfortunate and it does looks pretty bad on you but it will most likely be forgotten if it's not a regular occurrence.

GruntledOne · 28/01/2016 14:37

It's not rude. To be honest, you won't really be on their radar having been away for almost a year, and they will be busy especially if you're not there. Plus, as pointed out, they may well have thought you wouldn't appreciate people phoning if you were at the hospital or dealing with sick children.

HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime · 28/01/2016 14:37

My child care back up plan is I stay at home when they are so sick they've been in A&E.

Why couldn't DH do that? It is that which posters are to an extent saying.

gandalf456 · 28/01/2016 14:39

If they're that sick, you want to be with them Confused

Bubblesinthesummer · 28/01/2016 14:41

But it's not just about the one day, it's about establishing a pattern. her other thread said she asked at the last minute for more leave and a different start date. She almost didn't go in her first day back and now she has missed her second day back.

I agree that ^ this probably may have something to do with it.

Funinthesun15 · 28/01/2016 14:42

If they're that sick, you want to be with them

So might the father! Or do they not matter Hmm

mugginsalert · 28/01/2016 14:46

My 16 month old is just getting over bronchiolitis, it's scary when they can't breathe. Hope your baby is feeling better soon.

Sorry, YABU to judge your colleagues as at fault for not sending sympathetic message. But YANBU to feel a little hurt by their not finding time to do so. Even in the nicest workplaces, the transition back to work is tough and mothers of young children often find themselves on the periphery for a while. Good luck.

Original poster
HackerFucker22 · 28/01/2016 14:46

DP isn't much use for a baby who only wants to breastfeed at the moment. He had kids yesterday and will do tomorrow (still at Dr's and waiting to be seen) but given the late night A&E visit, the potential of having to go back and be admitted and the fact I'm the only real food or drink baby has had in past 24h I don't think it's fair on baby or anyone else to leave her?

Maybe I'm just a bit too soft?

And yep I emailed my mananger, her manager and HR.

I'll smooth everything over tomorrow and make up the time.

OP posts:
ZiggyFartdust · 28/01/2016 14:50

Haven't you taken any notice of the posts that answered your ACTUAL question, as opposed to the one others have answered?

How are you "too soft"....you are calling people fucking rude for not being very attentive to a colleague they haven't seen for over a year. No, thats not soft, its the absolute opposite!

Pippa12 · 28/01/2016 14:52

Why would her DH stay home if baby will only take the breast??? And if my less than 1 year old baby was being admitted to A&E with breathing difficulties I would imagine my DH would stay off to!

HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime · 28/01/2016 14:53

DP isn't much use for a baby who only wants to breastfeed at the moment. He had kids yesterday and will do tomorrow

So what are you going to tomorrow Confused

Shutthatdoor · 28/01/2016 14:54

Maybe I'm just a bit too soft

Sorry I don't understand why you think you are a bit too soft?

gandalf456 · 28/01/2016 14:58

*If they're that sick, you want to be with them

So might the father! Or do they not matter* Huh? ConfusedWe're talking about op's day off, not her husband's. We don't know what his arrangements were . That's a separate thread only IF his work were being funny about it.

So, yes, after a and e we'd both be off. It's not a childcare situation, it's having been worried about a medical emergency and a potential one. I'm surprised this warrants discussion! !!

WishICouldThinkOfACoolUsername · 28/01/2016 15:09

But it's not just about the one day, it's about establishing a pattern. her other thread said she asked at the last minute for more leave and a different start date. She almost didn't go in her first day back and now she has missed her second day back. Was the first day spent buckling down to work or phoning/texting the partner about the baby's status, and meeting/greeting and otherwise not working? She might have all the good intentions in the world but hot on two long maternity leaves, and now the apparent lack of planning for sick child care, what are they to think? 'Here we go again!' As a manager I would be very concerned about when we were going to see some concerted work hours out of this employee.

This ^^ It's sickening working with a colleague that thinks it's reasonable to spend every break - in a shared area whilst others are working - (plus a few extra spells when should be working) FaceTiming their 6 month old child - their mind was CLEARLY not at work and we continued to carry slack for a while afterwards. I'm not saying this is you - but how do you know that none of your colleagues have had a similar experience with someone else in the past?

You are absolutely unreasonable to do that AND expect them to fall over themselves with texts of sympathy and to ask about your kid. And really unbelievable to be calling them "fucking rude"!

And this ^^.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 28/01/2016 15:17

Dear me, there are some deeply unpleasant people on this thread! Perhaps one or two of them are your work colleagues, op? Wink

Floralnomad · 28/01/2016 15:23

This thread was not about whether the OP should have taken the day off the question was were her colleagues rude for not responding to her email , they are totally different questions .

Katenka · 28/01/2016 15:36

Why would her DH stay home if baby will only take the breast??? And if my less than 1 year old baby was being admitted to A&E with breathing difficulties I would imagine my DH would stay off to!

the OP only said the child was breastfed after people asked why do didn't take the day off.

The child was in hospital last night. A doctors appointment today. I really don't think both parents need to be off for a doctors appointment.

If the child is readmitted, fair enough both parents want to be there.

OP is your dh taking the day off tomorrow? What if the baby only wants breastfeeding tomorrow?

WishICouldThinkOfACoolUsername · 28/01/2016 15:46

*bibbity, I'm really hoping that wasn't aimed at me! Shock At NO POINT have I said it is more important to be at work than caring for a clearly ill baby! I was however trying to help the OP understand why it is not "fucking rude" for her work not to have emailed back! And to be honest, given the circumstance of having just returned from mat leave, I think a phone call rather than several emails (even if that is normal policy) would have gone a long way in this case.

Shutthatdoor · 28/01/2016 16:08

Dear me, there are some deeply unpleasant people on this thread! Perhaps one or two of them are your work colleagues, op?

Why? As calling people 'fucking rude' is so pleasant don't you think?

LeaLeander · 28/01/2016 16:33

I thought the husband was self-employed and works from home...

tiggy2610 · 28/01/2016 16:43

I'm curious as to what my alternative plans should be to cover my child's illness of its unacceptable for me to take carers leave from work? Many PP have said OP shouldn't expect work to suffer if she has a "lack of planning for child sickness" but what should that be exactly? I have a 1 year old DS, work full time (over 4 days) and my DH works full time aswell. We have a fabulous CM who will take DS under most circumstances but he has recently had chicken pox and croup in quick succession which mean I had to spend a week at home with him, working from home where possible, while DH took the other 3 days. We have no family close by and even then, all of our family members also work. So, what were my alternative options? FWIW my employers are fantastic and very family orientated and although I've often felt guilty about taking time off for looking after DS they've never made a big deal of it.

OP, I hope your little girl is feeling much better soon.

Katenka · 28/01/2016 16:56

working from home where possible, while DH took the other 3 days.

That's your solution. Both you and dh sharing

tiggy2610 · 28/01/2016 17:03

Thanks Katenka, I thought that's all people could do but some PPs were talking as if there was some form of secret illness fairy that looked after poorly children so you didn't have to miss work Hmm