To think this is rude?

[HackerFucker22]

Had to take my 1 year old to A&E last night. She has bronchiolitis but I was very worried about her breathing. Was in for 4 hours and am seeing GP in a few hours as I'm not sure if she needs to go back to hospital.

Emailed work today - 3 separate people - and not one for them has even replied. It even an acknowledgement and a cursory "hope dc is ok"

For full disclosure I only went back yesterday from ML. I knew my little one was poorly but didn't want to let work down.

I am a long standing employee and I have a pretty good attendance record (been there 10 years. No time off in either pregnancy other than appointments and I was back between my 2 kids and only had 1.5 days off in 18m)

I have also text someone I work with so she knows as well.

Aibu to think this is fucking rude?

(I've offered to make up time I am missing today / take unpaid leave. I have apologised profusely)

Yabu for reasons already mentioned. Hope your dd is better soon.

YABVU. I've been your colleague. Reality is that your colleagues (both those with and those without children) have made it in to work and rightly or wrongly will at least be frustrated that you're absent. It doesn't send a positive message to colleagues regarding your future childcare provision I'm afraid, and there is an argument that they are entitled to be concerned about that - when it happened in my workplace (wasn't day 2 but within the first two weeks back) I was firstly annoyed at having to cover work for a colleague having just handed it all back, and secondly concerned that this would be an ongoing problem. Unfortunately it was which may be colouring my opinion I admit!

I'd also be checking whether an email is okay - I've always had to phone in. Plus emailing 3 people with all the excuses to me feels like overkill - I'd be thinking it odd that you had the time to be doing that when looking after a sick child.

Sorry this all sounds so negative - but you did ask, and unfortunately my experience of a similar situation was not great. I do hope your DC is okay though.

They are not rude. If lack of response is your worst problem at work today, count your lucky stars. Because as others have pointed out:

a) you should have phoned
b) your husband/partner should have taken the child to GP as it was only your second day back at work
c) if that is not possible you should have another backup plan in place for when the child is ill.

Businesses are not charities and per your other thread they already have been most accommodating. I imagine when your e-mail was received there were eye-rolls and "I told you so!" remarks traded forth and back.

The timing is unfortunate for you and of course not your fault, but if you expect to receive a paycheck you really need to show up and not let your colleagues pick up the slack. Have a Plan B, C and D in place that do not involve missing work other than for truly serious emergencies.

Yanbu! You would have thought at least one of them could have replied asking how your dd is. Thoughtless, rude and uncaring.

Well, I think "my baby can't breathe" qualifies as a "serious emergency". But her colleagues are probably annoyed regardless (not that that's entirely reasonable).

I've been an employee here for a out 12 years, have a great track record in terms of attendance and punctuality. Rightly or wrongly I emailed quite early so I could go back to bed with baby

We have a toddler at home, who is also poorly, and DP stayed with him (I went as my little one is still breastfeeding so I am best placed to calm her and comfort her)

I've dragged my arse in over the years when many other people wouldn't [including after having a potential issue flagged at my anomaly scan with youngest, they suspected CF]. I have made a real conscious effort since having children to not take the piss and I consider myself generally reliable and conscientious today aside

Yes child wasn't admitted but I'm back at GP soon to see if they want us back in A&E, it's certainly not a case of baby being a bit off colour, she is incredibly poorly.

It's done now and barring being admitted I'll be in tomorrow and make up a day when suits my manager.

It begs the question though - what do people do when they have sick babies? The consensus on threads like this almost always seems to be that work comes first?

It is very worrying OP, I know the stress of it. I had to spend days in hospital with my 8 month old dd when she had bronchiolitis, and I didn't even have work to worry about, or another child at home! I hope she improves soon for you.

I think YABU because you should've called tbh. From works perspective also, you are taking a sick day one day back from ML to wait to see if you need to go to the GP. I get why you've done things how you have, but I'm not sure in those circumstances that my work would be that 'now now, there there' about it. Hope DD is okay.

I guess it really does depend on the situation. If your DD is incredibly poorly, you really do not need to over justify your absence - it's unfortunate and that's life.

It just seems a little bit like you are going overboard to convey what definitely appears to be a legitimate reason for being off. A simple phone call would have done, and you really don't need to justify the full extent of why you had to take time off, resplendent with reasons.

If I were your colleague/office receiving multiple emails to say the same thing, I would wonder whether you were over egging it a little - sorry (I'm not saying YOU are, btw).

No, work doesn't come first but in reality, not even phoning in on what should be your second day back in work after 11 months on Mat Leave is going to get people's backs up.

Also, at 1 your daughter surely isn't ebf so your husband could have taken her and the older child to do the gp's? Or am I missing something?

What is your childcare plan OP, for days when baby is sick?

hacker personally I will always put family first, but still make sure that I stay the right side of HR polices, so that I keep my job. This means I have to ring in and request carer's leave from my line manager.

All companies are different and so you will need to do what your organisation requires. Hope you managed to get some rest. A poorly toddler and a sick baby is exhausting

What you're actually looking for is validation from work that you were right not to come in.
And you're looking for your colleagues to do that for you, its not their job to make you feel better.

So you just went back after ML and then your Dd becomes very poorly, so poorly that you have to take her to A and E. I'm not sure what others expect you to do but to me you had no choice.

I'm sure it is frustrating for your colleagues but that's life. Rest assured op if that happened at my workplace people would be very sympathetic. The only exception to this would be if you had a poor attendance record.

It's not such a big thing that they haven't sent a text though, they may be very busy. I hope your Dd feels better soon.

Yeah guess it looks bad from the perspective of 'waiting to see gp'. The reality is I'm waiting to see if they want me to go back to A&E as I'm not happy with her breathing, haven't been for a few days now (hence the angst about leaving her to begin with 3 gp trips +1 trip to A&E in past 48h)

Emailing in isn't frowned upon in our company by the way. Managers as a rule call in but we don't.

Also we didn't get home until silly o'clock, nor did we get much sleep.

Finally and then I'm going to stop defending my decision as it's done now when my older child was the exact same age he was admitted for 3 nights due to breathing difficulties so I'm over zealous and over cautious and I know this.

Also, if you have a one year old and a toddler, you must have had 2 long maternity leaves very close together. They can probably barely remember your name, let alone send you concerned emails enquiring after your childs health!

Well, I think "my baby can't breathe" qualifies as a "serious emergency". I agree. It's a no brainer, really, although I agree that a phone call is the best form of contact. Emails can be missed. We have to phone at our place.

BUT I really wouldn't sweat about leaving people in the lurch. If they care more about doing an extra bit of work for a bit than someone else's sick child then shame on them. I certainly would not see it like that as a co-worker. I'd be texting my colleague to see if they're OK.

Next time, it could be them. If they don't have children, they're not immune to hospital visits. It could be their brother, sister, aunt, uncle, parent, best friend or them themselves. Until you have had the direct effects of ill health, it can be tempting to feel invincible and that you carry on regardless. I defy anyone to do so with a serious condition which requires a hospital admission to put work first. Even if you want to, you just can't.

Going to go against the grain here and say YANBU. Maybe not rude but thoughtless not to reply and express concern/ask how things are.

You've had a good track record of attendance and reliability and you had a child in A&E last night which is really scary and upsetting. If your colleagues feel they're justified in rolling their eyes in that situation then they're not great colleagues.

I was taken into A&E last week and afterwards emailed all my clients (I'm freelance) to say I'm really sorry but I'd be out of action for a bit. They know me well, know I'm not flakey and all replied to ask how I was IMO.

As for emailing vs calling in - all companies are different and it depends on their policies and whether you needed other people to pick stuff up today, so it's hard to comment on that.

Hope the little one gets better soon

But it's not just about the one day, it's about establishing a pattern. her other thread said she asked at the last minute for more leave and a different start date. She almost didn't go in her first day back and now she has missed her second day back. Was the first day spent buckling down to work or phoning/texting the partner about the baby's status, and meeting/greeting and otherwise not working? She might have all the good intentions in the world but hot on two long maternity leaves, and now the apparent lack of planning for sick child care, what are they to think? 'Here we go again!' As a manager I would be very concerned about when we were going to see some concerted work hours out of this employee.

I can see why it is easier on the OP and her partner if he stays home with the toddler while she takes the baby to the medical appointment but reality is sometimes you have to take the more difficult road. Plenty of parents have managed more than one child at a time even in those circumstances.

You did ask if you were being unreasonable and most posters said yes but you don't want to hear that - it might be useful to take in what people are saying so you can see other viewpoints objectively.

Of course work doesn't always come first but that's not what your AIBU was about! It was about wanting people to ask after your baby and saying they were 'fucking rude' when they didn't reply.

Most people are not saying you shouldn't have had the day off, of course you should. Your child was ill no matter what the timing. But see things from others point of view. It probably did cause rolled eyes and extra work for others even though that's not your fault. So let go of people just hearing 'sick child can't come in' not replying!

At the end of the day family should come first and I think we all agree with that. We know who the piss takers are in the workplace and it's up to management and HR to sort them out. If you've a good track record then it's unlikely you'll be grouped into the 'sick note' group, those who's lives revolve around various dramas and don't actually have a medical condition.

We choose to go to work and although we have a contract with them they don't bloody own us! There will always be times when something unexpected comes up and we have to take leave without notice.

Sometimes with the bitching that goes on in my office you'd think it was a workhouse, not jobs we apply to do through choice.

They don't own us but then again we don't own our paychecks till we put in the work to earn them. It's not a charity.

It's not slavery either

It is pretty simple:
you were right to put your child first and do what you needed to do for them.
You are absolutely unreasonable to do that AND expect them to fall over themselves with texts of sympathy and to ask about your kid. And really unbelievable to be calling them "fucking rude"!

I went to a hospital clinic in my lunch hour from work. I had been feeling dreadful but kept going into work, organised the clinic time for when it wouldn't inconvenience work etc.
I was admitted to hospital with liver failure from my out patient appointment.
I phoned, no answer so left an answerphone message that I wouldn't be in, explaining why. I went into the hospital car park and sent emails saying the same thing (no wifi for patients in hospital)
I was in for three weeks. Very, very ill. I didn't get as much as an acknowledgement that I was sick, let alone a get well soon text or anything.
It had been horrible in work since I had returned from Mat leave 6 months earlier. I eventually went back to work and handed in my notice. I was nothing more than a number after 8 years.
I'm in a new job now and loving it. Polar opposite of the other place.