To ask for your experience of what works best in terms of shared care

[Theladyloriana]

Just wondering what other people have found? DC are 6 and 1.

I'm nervous and would prefer every other weekend and a night during the week. H wants every other night during the week and every other weekend.

Tia

I should add he is quite depressive and finds it difficult to cope with both and works long hours. I want my kids to have the best possible relationship with their df.

I mean, i would prefer to be the main carer

I have no experience of this.
But
Surely with every other night the children won't know if they are coming or going?

I would have though so, yes

I don't have personal experience but I thought 50:50 generally was one week with mum and one week with dad so not too much transferring. I think 50: 50 can only really work if both parents continue to live in the same locality and both are willing to take children to afterschool activities so they get a bit of a social life as they get older.

If he is going to continue to work long hours and you are going to continue not to work long hours then your plan sounds better.

If he might argue he is going to change his hours (or that you are going to need to work longer hours to support yourself) you might need to think about specific examples of how he can't cope with both children

I imagine with your DC still quite young every other night will be too disruptive for them. If splitting care 50% I imagine it would be better to do a block of consecutive days (eg: he has them every Mon & Tues, you have every Thurs and Fri and you take it in turns for Weds and weekend) or have a week on/ week off system so your children can feel settled.

God every other night sounds like a way to make your children stressed beyond belief especially as they get older and have more homework and sports kit etc

I would have thought so , yes

Myself and exP do shared parenting and we have ds two nights each, e.g., mon, tues with me, weds and thurs exP, fri and sat with me, etc. It works really well for my son but we have been doing it this way for around 2 years and ds6 loves the fact that he gets to see both of us equally. It was hard work initially and we are flexible if we need to be. I do th2 school pick ups 3 out of 4 nights a week so at least I get to see him a lot, although that can be hard work when I am rushing around sorting dinner in time for his Dad to pick him up! Anyhoo, ds is very happy with the arrangement and that way he also gets to be with each of us at least one day of every weekend.

I should ads that I do most of the organising re: clubs, homework, school trips but as long as I remind exP about things we haven't forgotten PE kits (so far)