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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you tell them, or assume they knew...?

78 replies

shrunkenhead · 25/01/2016 08:42

A friend of a friend has a child with sticky out ears and her eyes dont look the same way... Friend wonders if parents know and are downplaying it or are completely oblivious?! She has asked me WWMND? (What would Mumsnet do?)

OP posts:

SpaceDinosaur · 25/01/2016 08:43

Lweji · 25/01/2016 08:43

She should shut the fuck up.

SomewhereInbetween · 25/01/2016 08:44

Why the feck does it matter???

CatThiefKeith · 25/01/2016 08:44

Wow. What a horrible post. If the child has an eye problem it will be picked up by the time they go to school (if it hasn't already)

And their ears? So what?

FarrowandBallAche · 25/01/2016 08:45

Yeah whatever.

Original poster

shrunkenhead · 25/01/2016 08:47

Apparently he's only three...

OP posts:

liinyo · 25/01/2016 08:47

Why would anyone say this? If the ears and eyes are an actual problem the doctor or health visitor would have mentioned it surely?

I think that just the fact that the friend of the friend is asking this question means they are aware it would not be a kind or appropriate thing to say.

Alicewasinwonderland · 25/01/2016 08:50

Of course I would mention the eyes. Sadly in this country, there is no regular medical check-up, so it might not be noticed until school. It would be better to be picked up urgently, and if possible, treated urgently, or at least have medical advice on the subject.

I don't understand your comment about the ears however. It sounds mean.

Bunbaker · 25/01/2016 08:52

"Sadly in this country, there is no regular medical check-up"

Are you in the UK? When DD was 3 she had a pre-school eye test where they picked up her astigmatism, of which I had no idea. Have they stopped doing these eye tests now?

Muskateersmummy · 25/01/2016 08:52

The parents will know, they will no doubt have spoken to a close friend or family member if they were concerned.

I can't see how telling them would be helpful in this situation.

Bunbaker · 25/01/2016 08:52

If the parents know surely the little boy would be wearing glasses to correct his eyes?

AnUtterIdiot · 25/01/2016 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

weebarra · 25/01/2016 08:55

No, bunbaker, they haven't, at least not where I am. DS2 had one last year. DS1 has a convergent squint and it was his CM who pointed it out when he was 18 months. I would imagine the parents are already aware.

BertrandRussell · 25/01/2016 08:55

I would mention the eyes. Children don't get routine eye tests in this country, and if the parents aren't glasses wearers themselves they may not think to take their child to the optician as a routine thing. Many don't.

weebarra · 25/01/2016 08:56

Oh, and despite having a squint DS1 doesn't need glasses so this child might not either.

Lweji · 25/01/2016 08:58

And when I say your friend, I mean you.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 25/01/2016 09:16

Um, what's the ear thing about?

Pyjamaramadrama · 25/01/2016 09:19

I don't understand this thread.

Firstly in your op you said 'she', the you said 'he's'.

So there could be a potential eye problem but why would you mention ears?

caitlinohara · 25/01/2016 09:23

'Downplaying it' how? By not feeling the need to explain their child's appearance to everyone they meet?

eyebrowse · 25/01/2016 09:25

Its really important to have squints dealt with as soon as possible so i would say something. Also if parents are busy or the squint comes on gradually parents might not notice whereas someone who sees child intermittantly might. say something tactfully obviously

Sparklingbrook · 25/01/2016 09:28

What's the AIBU?

And what Pyjama asked.

FairiesAreReal · 25/01/2016 09:36

Why the hell would you think to tell someone their child has sticky out ears? That's just nasty. (I think sticking out ears are cute, anyway )
I guess the eyes could be mentioned very subtly

SitsOnFence · 25/01/2016 09:39

The ears are irrelevant, surely?

I probably would ask if he's had his eyes checked though, as my DS had a lazy eye that was only picked up at 5 and, consequentially, was much harder to treat. Squint often goes hand in hand with lazy eye.

Sunbeam1112 · 25/01/2016 09:39

Are you for real your friend is a cheeky cow. What gives her the right to judge a CHILD on his appearance. My DS has ptosis which is a lazy lid and covers part of his eye. I recognised that it needed sorting and was the progress of speaking to medical professionals when he was small. Due to the nature of the condition the surgeron wanted to wait till DS was three to see how his face developed prior to doing the operation. I was told that it would never be perfect and it isn't but its alot better than it was. He also wears glasses due to his vision being poor.

Health vistors nursery nurse,GP or the parents will pick this up. Your friend needs to back off.

tangerinesarenottheonlyfruit · 25/01/2016 09:43

Definitely mention the eyes.

She may well get a lazy eye - where the brain switches off the signal from one eye so that it can cope with seeing better.

DS had a lazy eye, and we had no idea till it was picked up in the reception class checks. I've never heard of pre-school checks, I don't think they're universal.

With eyes, the sooner a problem is discovered, often the easier it is to treat.

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