Sister police caution, aibu... Sn

[SexDrugsAndSpringRolls]

Sisters has autism,LDs, hearing loss and other difficulties. She was however volunteering in nurseries at lunch and it was going well...I've been moaning for a while that she's stopped as she's become quite directionless again. She loves kids, never an issue how she reacts to them and they like her. Plays with them, however I see how workmates find her wearing.

Found out finally what happened.

Picked up days at at a new nursery , immediate clashes with certain staff being irritated with her. She's like a big kid. Soon after items started been stolen, sis was accused a few times. After a big row the manager set up a sting, phone on tablet and web cam.

Sis stupidly came in the office angry and picked it up. Before she even left police were called.

It was quickly established from times it was impossible any other thefts were her. For most she was volunteering elsewhere.

She says she thought she may as well steal as they thought she was a thief, but swears she only planned to hide it. She hid it in the toilets where she showed police. They took her to the station, she was there until late and duty solicitor told her to accept caution. She called no one and walked six miles home.

Aibu to be livid?

1. Nursery know the level she functions at, supported accommodation and iq under 70 as well as big communication issues. Can't for example be trusted to turn taps or has off and struggles with roads. Like a stubborn 8 year old in the situation they created for her
2. At police, she's vulnerable. They didn't call me or her sw or check how she got home

3 she's never stolen before, the situation was created in which her poor logic was used

Upshot is with theft from work in an enhanced crb she now is wanted nowhere.

It's hard to explain online, but the level of her conversation is very simple. It's obvious, if they interviewed her she would have repeated herself, needed extra explaining etc.

This is shocking, but so are some of the replies. I think it can only be a good thing that young children experience all sorts of people with varying abilities in real life, it is the only way that these outdated, limited ideas, which are still held by some people can be overcome.

One about appropriate adults. This procedure was clearly not used.
www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=11&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjI8bLN08DKAhUGtRQKHbj1Duc4ChAWCB4wAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rethink.org%2Fresources%2Fa%2Fappropriate-adult-factsheet&usg=AFQjCNEhvBtn5_SjzTkRD4uyDy7iwElsCw&sig2=0FT4GbXJ6_FwZUeKLQk-kg&bvm=bv.112454388,d.d24

I would think it was very apparent from what the op has said. Especially for professionals such as the police who will have done training around around safeguarding for vulnerable adults / mental capacity. I work in a learning disability team and fortunately the police in my area are very good at following procedure for safeguarding vulnerable adults.

I would pursue getting the caution voided if it's possible

They took her to the station, she was there until late and duty solicitor told her to accept caution. She called no one and walked six miles home.

they took her address I'd be amazed if it wasn't recognised as supported housing from local police

Quite apart from the caution given to your dsis, which is more than sufficient to make my blood boil, if I were you I'd be incandescent with rage at the police who, as yet another fwiw, settle many complaints of this nature out of court which is why the general public don't get to hear of the numerous travesties of justice that take place in police stations when a force is anxious to improve its crime busting stats or similar.

It seems to me your dsis has been victimised and criminalised and my only reservation about recommending no win no fee lawyers to pursue the matter is that your dsis may receive less than she would do if less avaricious other firms were instructed to act on her behalf.

Ouryve, I will read in detail in the morning.

Why do people think she needs 'monitoring'. For? She's rather slow and loves routine, not battering people. She's anxious, not someone to lash out.

Just to make it clear, if your sister came forward to me wanting to do some voluntary work with animals (we run a pet care and dog walking agency) I would be very happy to offer her the opportunity.

We're very popular as a Work Experience Week opportunity with local schools and have also had people recovering from mental health episodes, it's always been long-term a success, but undoubtedly it is harder work supervising a young person or person with problems than it is when we are inducting new employees with no systemic problems that need to be accommodated.

Neither the nursery or police have followed protocols, I would be livid.

Though maybe not surprised, as the thread evidences they aren't alone in being intolerant and dismissive. I would love to see my child interacting with adults with extra needs alongside their normal staff.

Nursery volunteering sounds like it was a good fit for her and it is a real shame this has happened. I'm so annoyed for both of you that the nursey tried a "sting" but really shocked at police behaviour.
Yanbu

Oh your poor sister .

The nursery handled the situation very badly in the first place and the Police should definitely have arranged for an appropriate adult to be present at the station. As for letting someone operating at the level of an 8 year old to walk 6 miles home alone .

Actually, if she has a mental age of around 8, what were the Police thinking of giving her a caution in the first place?

What a horrible situation. She must have felt very frightened being taken away by the Police .

I know it can be harder work, but they took her own for their own gain... Free work after being told by another setting she was good. Not for a charity or kindness, so I doubt they stuck their necks out helping her or they would have got rid. The other setting were very happy, honest too, open about the fact the kids liked her and she helped but they'd scoot her out sharpish if she started talking about her interests in the staff room after...

Tbf not six miles to you or me, but she went miles out her way to get to a big road she knew that was further than where she lived. Should have, nearer two to others. Sorry.

contact the national autistic society- they will be able to take you through the steps to get this overturned. Its a disgrace!!!!

TBH, I don't think it matters whether the six miles were the shortest possible walking distance, or the distance to take the route she knew. She still had to walk 6 miles alone.

My DS1 has ASD, and although he functions at a higher level than your DSis, events like this really make me worry for him. He would not have known what to do at the Police station either, even though on paper he is an adult. One would naively expect the Police to know the law on appropriate adults.

People are just horrible, fucking horrible. If she was a burden on staff and it wasn't working out there was a million ways to tackle it without resorting to these underhand, destructive techniques.
You need to purse now to clear the caution so she can carry on with her life and still be able to do stuff. Absolute shits, even if she isn't suitable for a paying Nursery, don't bloody destroy her! not necessary

Shocked by this (and dispirited by a few of the responses here). Do take it further - there are some good suggestions here

Some of the attitudes on this thread are just

I really hope you are able to get the caution revoked so your dsis can continue with voluntary work elsewhere where both parties get something out of it.

She was treated dreadfully.

I have come across two adults with similar sounding SNs volunteering in play groups. In both cases they made the tea and then walked around asking to hold babies. It worked ok.

FWIW I would be happy to have an 8 year old I didn't know play with my toddler but I wouldn't let them feed them, that sounds dangerous.

I'm posting because you might find a playgroup who are happy to have your sister and she wouldn't need a DBS as the parents are present.

The rules about surveillance by employers may not strictly have applied to OP's sister as a volunteer, but the nursery was still required to follow them as they would inevitably have been filming employees as well.

I'm reLlu shocked and saddened by this.

It's scary to think vunerable adults aren't supported and just left to it. I've often apsaid I wonder just how many repeat offenders have hidden undiagnosed disability (ASD/ADHD/MH etc).

My DS has an app on his phone to explain the situation. He's been told and reminded using social story over and over he MUST have an adult (me or my parents) present if ever he's asked to speak to another adult about anything.

Would something like this help your Dsis if she's avert rule driven?

Fuck this is a depressing thread. Don't get me wrong OP, I don't mean your posts. I mean some if the arsehole comments on here. I could cry reading them. I was just talking to my youngest's college tutor about what she would do when she finished college. By the looks of it, those here that pay a lot of money wouldn't be happy to have my sweet, kind girl looking after their kids.

You never know what your kids could be diagnosed with, later in life. I hope other people are kinder to your kids and more open to them that some of you have been on this thread. The OP wasn't discussing weather her poor sister should work with kids, but wether the situation was dealt with properly. But you lot couldn't wait to jump on and insinuate that she was a risk to children you should hang your fucking heads in shame.

Maybe we should go back to keeping our kids at home, just in case they go off on one. We wouldn't want anyone feeling uncomfortable around them, would we?

For the few pps who have said they pay nurseries loads of money to monitor their dc and not volunteers, do you complain to your nurseries about taking in students during their nursery nurse training? They require the same, if not more attention away from the dc than OPs sister, they are not in ratios either so need same level of supervision. There's explaining all the policies and procedures, showing what planning and observations entail, explaining each child's routine, allergies,special requirements, how to log accidents etc etc, going through their assignments, that's just off the top of my head. Yes theyll Working towards a qualification, but they still need watching,miso to speak.

I've never worked in a setting that didn't take students, and we often have three or four at a time and sometimes several on the same day, and no extra qualified staff are Rostand on to take into account the time spent explains things and attention away from dc. If it's paid staff supervising unpaid staff that some have issue with, then there'd be a problem with modern aprprentices, students, parent helpers etc. They are valuable contributors to many educational settings, and most qualified staff have had to be unpaid at some point as it's part of the training.

As op hasn't mentioned anything to suggest her sister is unsafe or even aggressive around the dc, (she was recommended by a previous setting) it sounds like some people have a problem with a volunteer with disabilities rather than volunteers in general.

The staff sound more like they shouldn't work with kids apt hand OPs sister to be honest, if they laugh and tease an adukt with disabilities, I'd not be suprised if they did same about children in their care with extra needs. It's disgusting behaviour.

OP, when the previous play group recommended your sis, did they mention her extra needs? I was wondering if they were not aware until she arrived and then tried to think of something to get rid of her? I'm sorry that your sister was treat so poorly by the staff, if she was in my nursery I'd have called people out for laughing at her. I hope she gets her enthusiasm back soon.

Tbf not six miles to you or me, but she went miles out her way to get to a big road she knew that was further than where she lived. Should have, nearer two to others. Sorry.

The distance is immaterial as the fact of the matter is that the police held your dsis until late at night and then left a vulnerable young female adult to find her own way home.

What were they thinking of, and WTAF was the duty solicitor thinking of? One thing's for sure; no-one in this sorry saga appears to have spared a thought, or expressed any concern, for your dsis.

I'm quite shocked I need to say this but just because you have met an adult with sn doesn't mean you've met my sister. People with sn vary asuch as you or I.

My sister would never walk around asking to hold babies. She's introverted, shy and has a real fear of hurting children by accident to the point of anxiety.she delights in being useful, repetitive and is quiet. For example she'd be perfect to sit at the same chair each week and waiting for kids to approach then showing child after child to use the play dough cutters.

Feeding wise she'd be over gentle lifting a spoon if mush to them and panic if they didn't look happy. At the hint of a problem she'd stand up and point. She'd be sat at a table with a number of adults and children, usually focusing on a single child. She'd smile at them, ask if they were happy and point to things for them... All terrifyingly dangerous