Was I in the wrong to ask somebody to control their dog?

[WannaBeAMummy16]

I look after a young boy with low-level learning and behavioural problems. He is a very anxious boy and is terrified of dogs. Whenever we are out and we see a dog, he gets very tense and then will run, which of course dogs tend to think he wants to play.

I calmly reassure him that the dog is fine, it's a friendly dog, it won't hurt him etc. A couple of times I've asked if we could talk to the dog as I would hate for him to go through life terrified of something that he will see on an almost daily basis.

Anyway.. if a dog is off the lead I always call out for them to please call their dog back as the boy is terrified and then apologise and thank them. No problems.

Until today.

Two large (collie type) dogs, off lead. They came running up to us, I asked if she could call them back and said he's terrified. The woman grunted and didn't call them back. I couldn't move us out of the way so asked again to please call the dogs back. She said they are friendly. I said yes they might be friendly but he is terrified. The whole time I was trying to stay calm for the boy. I told him to run ahead (not something I would normally do but I had to get him to calm down). I then shouted to the woman that her dogs should be on a lead if they are going to run up to people like they were. She shouted back they are fine, they don't need leads.

So was I being unreasonable to ask her to keep her dogs under control?

I call off my boys when someone doesn't want them near, I always do.

I do feel sorry for people who dislike gigs though, they are missing out on some have.

So much, no have.

Yes, I hear what you're saying, but we have (for example) a stretch of local beach that welcomes dogs. We only take our pup to that particular spot once a month or so. And yes, probably on nice days.

She's quite a reticent dog, but she does get excited by the massive presence of other dogs - because our usual routes are pretty much devoid of dogs.

I think it's bizarre to draw any conclusions. Of course certain routes are going to be inundated with dogs and dog owners on nice days - with many of those dogs over-excited by the presence of (lots of) other dogs. It doesn't necessarily mean anything.

Our girl gets walked twice a day. She is like a rat up a drainpipe for the first 15 minutes - at least - of the walk.

I'm sure the casual observer thinks she's been pent up for days, when they see her dragging me down the hill.

OT slightly but I'm just like bwahahahaha to "just being friendly"/"wouldn't hurt a fly". I worked as a postie for a summer job, every week there'd be a phone call from an irate householder who wanted to know why "dog at large" had been written on their 3 days late mail. "but she wouldn't hurt a fly!", they'd say. And you'd think, wait, that's the wee spaniel that growls and bares her teeth at me every time I go past the house? And you feel confident enough in her sweet nature that you're willing to risk the dog being put down after she bites me? Aye fine go on then, my tetanus is up to date (said no postie ever)

But if she doesn't meet many other dogs on your routes TheDowager then she probably isn't well socialised with other dogs! So doesnt know the cues etc.

So if my dog does and says to yours 'no thank you I don't wish to talk' yours might not understand and continue saying 'hi,hi, hi, isn't it brilliant here, how exciting, look at all my new friends, and wow isn't it all fun'. My dog will say 'no thanks I don't wush to chat' and your dog will say 'but why,isn't it fabulous, hi, hi, hi'.

And my dog will probably be pissed off by now and growl and snap at your dog.

And I will think to myself 'that dog isn't well socialised. It probably doesn't meet many dogs. It's probably taken on road walks most days and only brought here when it's nice'.

You might have access to hundreds of acres of land you walk her on where no one ever goes. But I would be right to assume she isn't well socialised because you have just told me she doesn't meet many dogs in your walks.

You can come to any conclusion you like, but assuming that this is the only rare walk she goes on (which was the point I was picking up on), would be odd.

I completely understand that dogs enjoy walks when off the lead.

Does not entitle them to frighten my kids. Does not entitle them to a rummage in my picnic.

I have no problem with a dog being off its lead. I have a big problem with the dog owner not knowing where the dog is and/or being able to recall the dog when needed.

A good friend of ours has a lovely dog that needs a lot of walking. Their solution is to walk in the woods. Said dog disappears for the duration. So maybe 15 minutes. Really irresponsible.

Yes dog owners have a right to enjoy a good walk with their dogs. I have a right to enjoy a good walk with my kids. In my simple world this means mutual respect and a properly trained dog.

Nope. Not in the least bit unreasonable.

It's taken ds2 several years to get to the point where he's no longer wary oy parents' lovely little dog. People arrogant enough to let their dogs jump around him tend to get short shrift from me.

Bimandbam, my dog is like that. He meets lots of other dogs but he's still young and v enthusiastic. He learns off dog body language, not mine. I keep him on lead when in busy areas, off lead to practise recall when not busy, off lead when playing with other dogs, back on lead when he starts pestering. Its not that he is unsocialised, he just loves all other dogs

I don't think the dogs that I'm talking about get many off lead walks because there isn't anywhere else within walking distance here to let your dog off lead. We're on the edge of hideous new town sprawl and the river walk is the gateway to decent off lead walks. Otherwise you need to drive a few miles in various directions to access other decent walking areas. I think many of the dog walkers who crawl out of the woodwork on beautiful sunny days aren't driving somewhere else to walk their dog on rainy days. I think when they see a sunny day they think, "oh, it's a nice day for a walk by the river" and when they see a rainy day it's a day for an on lead pavement pounding walk.

I actually own a mad bouncy dog and there's nothing he likes better than meeting other mad bouncy dogs that he can race and chase. The difference is that I always get him on lead before we are near other dogs so that I can see if they want to play before mine bounces on them, whereas the fair weather walkers don't seem to pay any attention to their dogs at all. I rarely see owners like that in bad weather.

Bombadier my dog would very much like to meet your dog.

As others have said, I wouldn't gave encouraged the boy to run. I have a large breed dog and he most likely would have considered this a game (it's not happened to us yet!) however I would have put mine back on the lead for you and not batted an eyelid.

On the other hand, I wouldn't let a child walk past a dog with a sandwich in their hand. In your example liesl i'm afraid i do actually think that's the mum's fault.

I get what you are saying, but I don't think dogs should be jumping onto children's buggies to take food. I'm guessing most don't as I've only seen it happen the once. Lots of parents having their food shopping on buggy tray, I don't think it would be ok for a dog to take that either.

Maybe the mum was a little at fault for not taking the sandwich off her child before walking into the school gate, she may have forgot the child had food, but I've been around dogs with food, as has my dd, picnics, burger vans, food markets, and not seen dogs take it from peoples hands and never seen one jump into a buggy, so not sure if it's common enough to expect people to factor in dogs jumping into buggies to steal food before picking children up from school.

There's places I expect to see dogs and I don't think they should be on leader all the time, I don't think tied to the school gate is one of those places as they look like they hate it and strain at lead, howling and sometimes scrap with each other. Unpredictable children and stressed dogs isn't a great combination imo.

The dog shit on the school path is minging too. It's clear during school holidays, and starts appearing when schools go back, I've seen some parents pick it up and then hang it on the school fence, little green bags decorating the fence like dog shit bunting, baulk.

Fwiw, I wouldn't have a picnic in a park where I expect dogs off leads to be, a thread on here talked about a dog shitting on the picnic blanket and it put me right off :)

Bombardier I have no issue with someone bringing their dog over to say hello to mine. They all have to learn. I do understand that recall is only really taught when you let them off and that it can sometimes be a bit hit and miss in the early days. And my dog is a whippet and sometimes loves a mad game of chase.

Her favourite breed are spaniels and she adores a mad, bouncy springer called Buster!

But when owners (like the ones the op encountered) refuse to put badly behaved dogs back on a lead or are nowhere to be seen, or find their dog harrassing mine funny that's when dog walkers get a bad name.

TheDowager I wouldn't worry about me making assumptions. I live no where near a beach so unlikely to encounter you and your dog. I do make assumptions based on what I can see on that moment though. I assume an out of control dog being a nuisance to others with no canine manners and no recall doesn't meet many other dogs and doesnt do much off lead walking for all the reasons I mentioned above. It doesn't matter to anyone else what I think. The only actions I take based on those assumptions is to avoid popular dog walking spots on nicer days and I might pay extra attention as we pass them to ensure my dog doesn't get between theirs and a road for instance.

I think it's odd to make a beeline for somewhere that will be full of dogs personally and stick to quieter places and routes. But each to their own.

I didn't understand why the sandwich taking was considered the mums fault either. Most dog owners I know would consider it very bad form for their dog to help themselves to 'human food'. Whether that was on the table, in the fridge and certainly in someone's hand (a toddler in a buggy! ). On the kitchen floor is fair game.

Is it seriously expected that no one should eat near a dog in case the dog jumps up to help themselves?

Dogs should be on lead or close to heel if off lead and reliable on paths. I always get mine to sit while cyclists or joggers go past as she is still young, even when on lead. If on a path is gladly get her to sit, even on lead, if someone was nervous.

What I would be a bit miffed about is if there was no reason for dog nervous pedestrians to have taken a route near already present dogs in an open field e.g the one near our place where there are two official path routes, and an unofficial shortcut them at cuts through a corner that has some good trees and bark, where my dog is mooching and sniffing not really interested in pedestrians and then being asked to call my dog away from whatever she's exploring to sit at my feet so they can walk past.

No, YANBU at all. I have the same problem with dogs frightening my dog!

HOWEVER... I think that some parents are too keen to let their children near strange dogs. Dogs are unpredictable, and can take an instant dislike to random people or animals. A toddler waving hands or sandwiches at their eye level is a real threat. I urge all parents to educate their children around dogs, as so much damage can be done, and the dog is always blamed.

Here's a useful and fun game to play about dog safety:

Kennel Club Safe and Sound

Is it seriously expected that no one should eat near a dog in case the dog jumps up to help themselves?

No of course not A dog that does that is a badly trained dog. Or just so so greedy that the stomach kicks in before anything else. Actually my dh's old guide dog used to do this. And he took advantage of the fact that dh couldn't see. Some people laughed it off as they couldn't quite believe a guide dog would do that. Others got quite irrate and demanded we coughed up and replaced the cost of the sandwich or whatever it was. . That damn dog cost us a lot of bucks over the years. But of course its not the fault of the person with the sandwich in their hand. Really how could it be. No one would expect a dog to do that when you're just walking past it. I wouldn't expect people to think 'oh, better not eat whilst walking past that random dog in case he snatches the food out of my hand'. Although we could never find a solution to the problem, nor could the GDBA trainer. So we just ended up with lighter pockets.

As a child We had a family dog who was "friendly" then one morning he decided to randomly bite my brother on the face! My parents had to take him to Battersea Dogs home after that, my brother loved the dog dearly and cried for him back for days afterwards. I also got bitten by a a friends "friendly" dog, I walked in to her house and the dog bit me on the leg, totally out of character for the dog but this is one of the reasons I do not take the word of any dog owner who claims their unleashed dog is friendly! Dogs can turn at any moment. Why do dog owners think it is acceptable to tie their dogs up to school gates, where they can suddenly feel threatened by the volume of people walking past? Not fair on the dogs and not fair on the children!

YANBU at all. My son was terrified when a huge Alsatian bounded up repeatedly to him today. Owners did nothing, didn't apologise or acknowledge the fact he was clearly terrified at all.

you were being unreasonable. Stop bringing him places where dogs are off lead. There is no worse phrase to a dog owner than "control your dog" particularly when dogs are not out of control

OP has said she was walking a path that leads to the boys school, so should he not go to school then? Incase dogs are off their lead? just because dog owners love their dog does not mean everyone else wants them jumping up/sniffing their crotch/going near their picnic and that "idiot family" are entitled to eat where they want without being badgered in my opinion, yes it's to be expected a dog may come over but should at least be recalled if family don't want it there.

Also as someone who is very scared of dogs I can safely say there is no worse phrase than "they're friendly it's fine" while you're fighting the urge to cry/piss yourself!

No way are you being unreasonable!
Dogs should only be allowed off leads in public places (including fields, parks etc) if they are well behaved and trained not to approach other people and other dogs. I am an animal lover but have a fear of dogs after being jumped on by a "friendly" dog as a child. The poor lad must have been petrified. Then to not call the dogs back when it was clear their attention was unwelcome is IMO appalling. Unfortunately some people enjoy using their dogs to intimidate others.
As a separate issue, I really feel that local authorities need to clamp down massively on irresponsible dog owners. I'm sick of walking to my local shops then coming home and having to clean poop off the pram wheels.

YANBU. When I'm walking my dog I assume everyone hates dogs/is scared of dogs/dislikes his breed so I never let him go anywhere near people unless they have indicated they want to say hello to him. He's a great big softy but that's beside the point. I hate it when people allow their dogs to come charging up to us; he's on the lead (only because he's a plodder and a dreadful scavenger) and for all they know it could be because he's antisocial. Some people are hard of thinking.

I love dogs, but bloody hell I wish people would...

• Clean up their dog's poo (the footpath I walk him is disgusting!). I'm forever having to watch where he and I walk. I'd love to find out who these scummers are who leave it for people to tread in so I could collect it and put a huge pile on their door mat with a note to pick it up in future (2nd offense would be posted through their door!)
• Stop their dogs running up to people
• Keep their dogs out of the way when runners and cyclists are trying to pass (it's a narrow path for all users)
• Not look at my dog like he's the work of the devil whilst theirs is going batshit crazy at him and he's ignoring them. I always feel like pointing out that I have no idea why they're looking so horrified at him when it's their dog showing the aggression.
• Not give him a biscuit without asking if it's OK first.

I would go one step further and make them eat it off the footpath with a spoon!!!!!