To think no man wants a designer vagina

[Pistachiocray]

I've been watching the GC go on about hers and apparently this is a thing these days that many have done. But surely no sane man would ever want such a thing?

I wish I had the wit to make up a Dr Seuss rhyme in response to that...

The Elegant Vagine
It is a wonderus queem
Put what ever you like in
It will always stay trim
It has a pleasant sheeny tinge
And is the prettiest of all the minge.

Things is, these are never designer vaginas. They are mostly labia trims. Sort of expensive GM for women with more money than self esteem.

I have a defeat in the look and appearance of my lady but after childbirth. Any one I invite to get close enough to see is either going to be so distracted they won't notice or... nope. I have nothing. They're going to be very much focused on anything other than aesthetic.

Do you like my sexy vadge?
I would like to call it Madge.
Would you, could you
Should you see
If you and Madge could make whoopee?

I think you missed an opportunity to rhyme trim with quim there honey.

I was due a n/c anyway...

Oh bollocks. I love quim too, it's a lovely word.

If I had another son I'd call him Quim

Brilliant

The Elegant Vagine

Lay on down and spread your legs
It's time to check your beef
It's delicate and elegant
Be sure you do not queef!
Oh such neat flaps and tidy bits
What a treat to see!
Internal goings on you ask?
Whatever do you mean?
I can tell you it looks perfect
Dainty like a flower
And smells just like one oh so sweet
What a way to spend an hour!
I'm sure the inside is just fine
as long as it's kept clean!
So buff and polish all you can
This elegant vagine

Curious about the 'sheeny tinge' - hoping that's artistic licence?

In my experience men are just happy to have sex, they aren't that fussy about the shape of it. Having unnecessary surgery to your vagina will just create unnecessary scar tissue that won't expand as well as vaginal "skin" and potentially cause more pain during sex.
It's no good it being nice and tight if he only gets to play with it on his birthday as a special occasion because it's too sore otherwise.
Did wonder if GC was grandchild and thought it was a strange thing to discuss with your granny!

I'm not going into detail about the internal wrongness, but I'm sure if Chanel couturiers had been there at the correct moment to adjust things with their gold chains, braid and immaculate bias cut, it would have been different.

Sadly mother nature seems to have applied a "Shell" rather than "Chanel" suit finish

Agree 2rebecca,
most of them seem quite happy to stick in the bum as well.

I absolutely refuse to be outdone on fanjo poems.

The inelegant Vagine

It's obscene, gauche and uncanny
the flaps on the sides of me f@nny
like saddlebags they hang down
but hidden by my gown
they've only been seen by me nanny

Loving the poetry. Marvellous.

We should arrange a live poetry reading

I think it's ridiculous and very sad that women feel they need a "prettier" vagina. There's a really good article from the Guardian a few years back on this "industry". The repulsive comments the doctors made about it at a medical conference the journalist attended made me sick tbh. A whole new money making industry by (seems like mostly male) plastic surgeons making perfectly healthy vaginas into a medical "issue."

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2011/oct/14/designer-vagina-surgery

I had a labiaplasty at 20, on the nhs , for life long medical problems - including infections and damaged tissue. Labia were far in excess of whats normal apparently, they touched my thighs if stretched :S It changed my life, physically - I am no longer horrendously sore every day, I don't need to be within reach of a toilet all the time to 'adjust' myself but the psychological effects of needing vulval surgery at a young age haven't been good. I've never had sex, and don't think I would ever tell a partner about it as I'd be too scared they'd think I was shallow in some way.

I have never met a man who has turned down sex because he didn't like the shape or design even of a womans vagina.

Apologies Shouldhavesaid - I certainly wasn't referring to your type of situation in my comment. FWIW I'm almost certain that no partner is ever going to know that you've had surgery, women are so varied in our genitals naturally anyway. Any partner you are with in bed will just be delighted to experience your body!

Pmsl at The Elegant Vagine **
**

'Oh what a treat!'

Not all Rain . My GP/consultant have said that too, that no one would notice unless they were down there with a medical degree and magnifying glass, but it's difficult to accept at times.

technically I have a designer vagina as I've had the area loosened in some areas and tightened in others.

Realistically I've had corrective surgery where a doctor went a bit too mad restitching a birth tear and left me too tight with oodles of scar tissue

Oo, i might get my mons venus tattooed with a lovely burberry check. DH will be so impressed.