I am missing the "love babies/children" gene

[Twuntsrule]

I need some advice...long ago, I decided that motherhood was not for me, probably because of the home environment I grew up in. Babies and small children interest me for about 15 minutes, then I'm done. (When they grow into teens, the dynamic changes for the better.) Right now, I'm in my early 50s and both of my much younger cousins have had children. I try my best, but still lose interest quickly, then am bored and resentful while I have to continue to watch all the other adults fuss over them for the next couple of hours. The idea of babysitting horrifies me. I've bought them the right toys and a number of books that I loved as a child (Dr. Seuss/Richard Scarry), so I am trying to be a good cousin. Now, I know I have SOME maternal instinct, as I am the best "mother" ever to my two cats, but that's about where it ends. So I guess what I'm asking is if I'm a total wench and not fit to tie their bibs, or if there are others who are not totally bowled over by babies/children. (BTW, I had little use for the parents of these children until they were about 14 and we've been close ever since.)

Great post Alabamaslammer. Like you, I've had some horrible comments as well as some very positive and supportive comments. I think that most people are not that interested though and couldn't really give a fig whether I have children or not! If someone makes disparaging comments about such an intensely personal choice, it says way more about them than it does about you

I have found friendships easier to maintain with people who either don't have children at all (and don't intend to) or have already started having children before I get to know them.

When friends are about to become parents for the first time I tend to drift away for their sake - i can feign an interest to a point but when the baby arrives, I don't really want to 'meet' him/her, I can't pretend to coo over him/her and I certainly don't want to hold the baby - and who wants people around them who aren't interested in the most important change in their lives?

I imagine you can relate more to babies and children if you are used to babies in the family - out of my entire family that I know, including second cousins etc, only three children have been born in the last 45 years!

No, I did have a child primarily out of curiosity, Lorelei. Of course there was always the possibility I would hate being a parent, but that's there for everyone who thinks about having a child. It's not an experience you can imagine from outside. Those who choose to be childfree aren't a different species. I felt like Alabama says up the thread, but had the edge of curiosity that made me make a different choice to her. I spent 40 years happily childfree, and only three as a parent, so I'm very aware of the positives of not having children, despite adoring my son - and I remember very well the intrusive comments and questions from virtual strangers.

What might interest people is that none of my siblings have children, either, and I had my son pretty late.

i enjoy my own children and all the little things they do were magical to me, but I'm not the slightest bit interested in other kids .

Heavy I think people generally don't ask why someone wants to be a parent but if they did, I would bet that your reasoning is quite common!

I'm always stunned at how many people feel entitled to ask so many intrusive questions in RL about why someone has chosen not to though. I have known enough people with fertility issues that I wouldn't dream of asking someone - plus I'm not completely socially inept!

Heavy, the reason I highlighted that comment is it sounds like you didn't give it due care and thought but you clearly did. Do you see what I mean?

Livia, when people ask why I don't want children, I often say "for the same reasons that you do".

You're definitely normal, OP!
I wasn't much interested in having children for quite a while, and confessed to my midwife at my booking in appointment that I seemed to be missing the baby-loving gene (though I was quite keen to have a child, if it could arrive aged 7 without the birth trauma, that would be nice).

The baby/toddler stage with DD was not too bad, and I did get the maternal feeling - which I wasn't expecting. It didn't really apply to other children, apart from the ones that reminded me of DD a bit. I am still surprised at how maternal I feel for DD - and I still prefer adult company on the whole.

Show me a picture of a baby elephant and I will coo for ages, however.

I only like my own kids