I am missing the "love babies/children" gene

[Twuntsrule]

I need some advice...long ago, I decided that motherhood was not for me, probably because of the home environment I grew up in. Babies and small children interest me for about 15 minutes, then I'm done. (When they grow into teens, the dynamic changes for the better.) Right now, I'm in my early 50s and both of my much younger cousins have had children. I try my best, but still lose interest quickly, then am bored and resentful while I have to continue to watch all the other adults fuss over them for the next couple of hours. The idea of babysitting horrifies me. I've bought them the right toys and a number of books that I loved as a child (Dr. Seuss/Richard Scarry), so I am trying to be a good cousin. Now, I know I have SOME maternal instinct, as I am the best "mother" ever to my two cats, but that's about where it ends. So I guess what I'm asking is if I'm a total wench and not fit to tie their bibs, or if there are others who are not totally bowled over by babies/children. (BTW, I had little use for the parents of these children until they were about 14 and we've been close ever since.)

I don't do kids if only because I am rather old fashioned in my views on how they should be brought up - in my opinion captain von trap was a genius and I'm definitely of the seem and not heard belief (I'm only 40). Thankfully dh has his from a previous life (although the that has other issues I may be posting about in the next day or so) but I totally get the la k of maternal instinct and it's not abnormal.

YANBU
I think it's lovely that you're making an effort despite not being a baby person.
I love kids however I'm completely unbothered by cats. People fussing over cats baffle me.

What I don't like is people that are rude. A family members fiancé is 'not a baby person' which is fine, except she blanks DS and me DS is 3, I get people don't like kids, but to ignore him?! No need for it imo.

I pretend to like my friends cats because they are important to my friends, just as my friends make an effort with DS. I wouldn't want to spend a lot of time with someone who couldn't be bothered with DS. But it sounds like you do make an effort with your family members' children so YANBU

I like kids once they're able to walk and talk and manage themselves! I'm a primary teacher.

I don't like babies, they don't interest me at all. With the exception of my own who will of course be the most fascinating creaturw on earth.

I love my children but I find any others irritating tbh including my nieces and nephews. I find all babies a bore even my own and prefer children when you can have a reasonably intelligent conversation with them.
My first child was unplanned, I didn't intend to have any. I discovered that you don't have to adore babies and children to be a decent parent just be prepared to put in the hard work at the time.

I realised the other day that I've never changed a nappy, and since we can't have children I never will. I've been asked on occasion and I refused because it seemed to me to be an odd thing to do with someone I don't otherwise "know". I'm not interested in my friends kids. To me it's like taking an inordinate amount of interest in a good friend of theirs when I simply wouldn't ask after that person every time I spoke with my friend. Mostly I think kids are frenetic and make high pitched noises but I do like seeing things like kids running because that in itself is of interest to them!

Oh sorry, meant to say so yes I think I'm missing the gene too!

The other thing that escapes me is why things are so much worse because it's a child.

I see children as small people - nothing special.

So I won't do to a kid what I wouldn't do to anyone else but I don't give them special allowances or treat them any different.

I'd even go so far as to say in a disaster it not the kids you save but the adults of child bearing age. Adults can have more children. If just the kids are left you end up with lord of the flys or someone else having to take responsibility for them.

Lorelei, I was being a bit flippant, but not fundamentally inaccurate. DH and I had never planned to have a child, but there was a 'what if?' that came to a head as I was about to turn 40. Conceived first time.

It's not as mad as it perhaps sounds - we had pondered it, and had a good idea of what was involved, and were established enough in careers to be more flexible as parents - I'm not convinced we were in any worse position than someone who has never considered not having children, but thought it was going to be a fairytale 24/7. Having a child is a leap of faith, whoever is making it.

I have no interest in babies or kids. Hamsters make me broody though...

I'm like you. I cant stand other people babies. Why would I hold it? I can get on with most kids though. When I had my own I was terrified I would be a crap parent and was relieved to find out I was a mother tiger.
I dont babysit if I can help it. I do other practical stuff if wanted, like I'll help with housework or shopping.

With other peoples babies I can do it all - feed them, cuddle, change them, but I dont love them. That sounds colder than it is, I like them but dont love them. I prefer kids and like finding stuff to do with them like craft activities.
I'm brilliant with animals. Very practical, not gooey. I dont worry about it. The way I figure it, a tribe would need people with a range of practical skills and emotional responses. so we're all a bit different.

Heavy, it wasn't really curiosity then.

I do hold babies but only the teeny new ones, I find them a bit like kittens at that stage!

I think it's a damn shame we even have to have this discussion. Some want/love children, some don't. It's not a lack of anything, genetic or otherwise. It's a choice made based on what a person wants out of life.

I love my children. I can't imagine my life without them. But I certainly don't feel that someone who chooses not to have them is 'lacking' or making a 'mistake'.

I was a bit like Heavy. Hit my 'right partner, right time, passing the right age' moment. I needed to try and fortunately had the whole express train of love moment when I gave birth. I adore their very atoms. Ambivalent about children in general.

YANBU. My husbands relative avoided visiting my in laws at Christmas until we left as she doesn't 'do' children. She was a teacher and is now in her 60's, a single, independent lady. I wasn't offended and I understand how not everyone is child orientated. They are noisy and very demanding, I love them completely but it is exhausting a lot of the time. My 3 DDs are ages 3-7 so we have a crazy house. I totally understand why some people might prefer to remain child free. Obviously I was of a different stance, my life would be incomplete without them. Prior to having my own children I didn't have any interest in other peoples children or even know how to engage with them. I am far more interested other kids now that I have my own.
We are all different and you shouldn't feel bad for thinking differently, the world is more interesting with different attitudes and points of view.

Across nobody (including me) would have been the least surprised if I hadn't had dc and I have a load of friends who didn't or couldn't. I agree that it shouldn't be seen as some kind of a failure of womanhood'. Choice is a marvellous thing. Hopefully science will change couldn't to wouldn't or did as desired.

*wouldn't to did.

I'm cf by choice and not interested in kids in general. I won't hold babies until they can sit upright on my hip, I'm too scared of damaging them!

I take an interest in my friends' kids because I love my friends and am interested in their lives. Two close friends have 4 year olds I find very difficult to cope with but I'm sure they will grow out of that phase. Teenagers I don't mind but don't have any close friends with them so no particularly 'in depth' experience, for wont of a better phrase.

I'd be lying if I didn't secretly mourn the days I could have lunch with a friend without endless interruptions from the toddler next to them but those days will return, I'm sure!

I have had lots of very negative responses to choosing to be cf and people wondering aloud about how awful it would be if I regretted it once it was too late. I've also had plenty of positive responses and plenty who don't care either way. I am reasonably open in my views only because I don't want people to feel awkward discussing kids in my presence in case it is not through choice - I'm 'prime' child bearing age and in a ltr so people have assumed it's because I can't rather than don't want to several times in the past.

I think more honest discussion on the subject would be great, as someone else pointed out, men don't agonise over not being seen as paternal! Although I do think it's also quite hard for men who desperately do want kids to discuss that...

Amen giddy. Had a coworker who had one child after infertility treatments & IVF. She went through hell to get her DD. But she was a true believer that every woman should have children and that there was something wrong with one who chose not to. And that women who couldn't were objects of pity. You just could not convince her that a woman could live a perfectly happy and fulfilling child free life. Notice the italics. Because the same did not apply to men. Men couldn't possibly understand all this because they were not and could not be mothers. And because fathers, you know, just don't love their children as much as mothers do.

apparently Queen Victoria hated babies, and wasn't a great parent when they were older. So in an age before contraception she produced nine dysfunctional individuals. Thank goodness we've moved on.

Err...yeah, Betty has done such a stellar job with her lot

You do 15 mins better than me - I can grit my teeth for about 5. Some women just don't 'do' babies - and that's fine we live in a country and era where we are not forced to.

YANBU but I'm not sure that all the people who play with others' babies/small children do it because they have an overwhelming love of children... you do it to give a break to the parents, no? If you have a newborn you've probably had like 20 minutes sleep the night before, so if all your visitors take the many for 10 minutes at least you get a rest. I remember too when my kids were babies and I was totally exhausted, feeling really much better when someone stopped me in the street to squee at them and tell me I was blessed. So I think some people do all that fussing not because they love it so much, but more to support the mother.

You're normal! I didn't want children until I hit 39 and had a bit of a turning 40 crisis, fast forward 18 months and I now have a little baby girl. But.... I've tried really hard to throw myself in to the whole maternity leave endless baby classes and baby groups etc... and like one of the posters has said I've come to realise they are a unique kind of hell. I've also come to realise having a child of your own doesn't flick a switch and you suddenly like all children, nope you just love your own.

It is weird how men don't come under the same scrutiny or feel they need to explain or justify their feelings towards having or not having children. After nine months maternity leave I'm now ready to go back to work and only this morn I suggested to husband we swap roles and he stay at home for a bit, he laughed and said 'No way she'd be straight in a nursery' and yet I'm being criticised by his family for wanting to go back to work because they feel I should be a SAHM until daughter goes to school.

Now I have my own children, I am much more interested in other people's..before I always made an effort, but now I don't have to because I feel more comfortable around them.

Yanbu though. I have friends who don't like children and I don't take it personally.

OP - I think you may be me! (Although fifteen minutes is far longer than I can manage!)

Always knew that having children wasn't something I wouldn't do. I can look at endless pics of people's cats, but seeing children's pics make me cold!

I am usually nervous around babies in case they throw up but like a PP I am good around animals - different skill set I guess!

Most of my friends understand that I am not into children so they spend 'adult time' with me. I don't know how to talk to young children so it may appear that I am blanking them - it's not that as such, just that I feel incredibly awkward around them.

Zero interest in kids before I had my son and now only interested in him

Not remotely bothered by anyone else's kids