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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to possibly request meeting with nursery

84 replies

NeedACleverNN · 18/01/2016 14:58

Dd (2 will be 3 in March) started a new nursery 3 weeks ago (today is her 3rd week) and she is coming home with suspicious bruising.

I'm not jumping to conclusions and suspecting anything too wild (unlike my dh who immediately asked what her Minnie looked like) but they are right at the top of her inner thighs near her nappy and are small finger shaped. Not really a place she could bruise by falling over

It could be the staff are a bit rough changing her nappy but even so this isn't on.

I'm going to fully check to her tonight before bed and again before sending her to nursery tomorrow and if she comes home with any new bruising, I was thinking of requesting a sit down meeting with the staff and asking directly how is she with nappy changes(she normally just lays there but I respect she might be a bit more wriggly at nursery) and how do they do it.

I really want to handle this sensitively and not accuse anything but if there is something going on I want to protect my daughter.

What would you do?

OP posts:

Jux · 19/01/2016 08:39

That's quite a bruise, isn't it?

I found a couple of very faint bruises on dd's leg about there, when she was a (very wriggly) baby. As my mum had been looking after her, I wasn't worried. But I was at the baby clinic when I saw them, and I said something like "oh look, there's a couple of little bruises blah blah blah ..." in front of my HV. The next week my HV and a SW were sitting in my sitting room, having a chat and watching my interaction with dd. I didn't associate the two events until years later, and my HV was often coming round as I was quite ill at the time. Nothing more was said or done, not to my knowledge, though.

My point is that a barely discernible bruise was considered worthy of bringing to the attention of a SW, so a marked bruise is definitely worth talking to the nursery manager about. And if you're not satisfied after that, have no qualms about taking it further.

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 19/01/2016 10:04

Well I had a little word and whilst she said she was going to talk to the staff etc I'm not sure she took it as seriously as I hoped. However how can I expect her to sit back and accept that I've just accused her staff of neglect/abuse?

She won't want to accept it anymore than I will. Will probably get some more answers when I collect dd at one

OP posts:

steakpunararemediumwelldone · 19/01/2016 11:49

I agree the nursery doesn't sound great but I just wondered if she is getting those bruises on both legs?
I ask because when dd was 2/3 she had a desk and a habit of not pushing the chair out far enough if it was near our rug and the bruising from bashing the table looks very similar to the picture you have posted. The angle she was raising at it was like she was almost pinching her leg if that makes sense.

Goingtobeawesome · 19/01/2016 12:24

Being abused doesn't always leave the area sore.

The manager should have immediately taken you seriously and showed you understanding at the seriousness and difficulty in mentioning it.

Please don't give them another chance to hurt your child. If it was accidental wouldn't they have told you?

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 19/01/2016 12:28

No bruise is on one leg today but she had them on the other leg last week.

I honestly don't know how she got the bruise but it's just too finger sized to a coincidence.

But in not jumping to conclusions just yet

OP posts:

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 19/01/2016 13:45

We may have sussed it!

Due to my little word, they kept a close eye on dd today. Whilst they were outside dd and another child got into an argument over a toy and dd was hit in the back with an object. It caused her skin to go red but no lasting mark. As she didn't make a noise and just went off and played with something else the staff said if they wasn't watching her, they wouldn't have known she had been hurt.

At the moment we are assuming that another child may have pinched dd.

We will be keeping a close eye on her though

OP posts:

Ebb · 19/01/2016 14:01

I quite often get finger tip size bruises on my thighs. My mattress is really ancient a bit lumpy so I assume I've led on a few springs or something in the night. I occasionally suffer from low platelets so bruise a bit easier. So it can be something totally innocent.

However, I do think it's sensible to keep monitoring it and noting down any bruises. Nursery should be doing their utmost to reassure you.

Goingtobeawesome · 19/01/2016 14:08

Have you asked her if anyone has hurt her?

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 19/01/2016 14:19

Well I said to her have you hurt yourself and she said she had banged her back.
She may have good language skills but it only goes so far. She knows she's hurt herself or where it hurts but not able to say exactly why.

I am happy to accept that another child harmed her at the moment but I am going to continue to closely observe, take photos if needed and keep raising issues until it's all sorted

OP posts:

Goingtobeawesome · 19/01/2016 14:28

But if someone else has bruised her she hasn't hurt herself. Kids can be very literal.

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 19/01/2016 14:41

When she had the bruise on her face she did say she has banged her cheek.

On what I don't know and I don't know when either. You've got to remember she's still only 2

OP posts:

Ironfloor · 20/01/2016 21:15

Any update, OP?

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 20/01/2016 21:16

She's back at nursery tomorrow so we will see

OP posts:

Hairyfairy01 · 20/01/2016 22:23

Personally I would be ringing the nspcc. They have a line that concerned adults can be given advice on. Red flags are waving for me.

Ironfloor · 21/01/2016 08:38

It would be very difficult for another child to pinch your DD on the inner thigh, where the bruises are, wouldn't it? If a child is provoked to pinch another child, wouldn't they do so on a part of the body that is more easily accessible I.e. The arm, face?
I work in a nursery and while it is not possible to keep an eye on all the kids all the time, when they go outside one of the staff members would go with them and keep an eye on them, so a child hitting another child hard enough to turn the skin red would definitely be noticed.

SpaceDinosaur · 21/01/2016 13:19

I am glad you're feeling calmer OP I do however agree with the PP who said she would still report it. I would make an appt to see my doctor and also speak with NSPCC

If your daughter is being pinched by another child, it would typically be on her arm and usually an exposed area of skin. It's not hot enough for them to be in just nappies etc.

You need a lot of pressure to get a bruise like that.

If someone pinched your DD, it's an intense pain. Not like a knock.

That, coupled with her new word. Even if it is nothing. Let someone else decide.

From a flip side, if another child is using the word "sexy" and that's how your daughter has learnt it then that child may be in danger.

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 21/01/2016 13:42

Well now I'm annoyed again

Dd has come home with another mark on her tummy that the staff claimed a child had hit her again

I know children are going to argue but they can't be watching that closely if she's been hit everytime she's going. That's 3 days she's gone this week and 3 days we have been told another child has hit her over a toy and marked her

I think I'm going to have to pull her out which is a faff as she's just settled in

OP posts:

LagunaBubbles · 21/01/2016 13:56

I would take her to the GP if I was you. I have no idea whats going on and I realise it must be so upsetting for you. There could be all sorts of explanations for the bruising and not all sinister. Getting her medically checked out would rule out any conditions she may have that may cause her to bruise easily for example.

Jux · 21/01/2016 14:46

Defo gp, get those bruises looked at by someone who will be more able to say what is normal and what isn't. There are conditions which cause bruises to appear more easily.

Goingtobeawesome · 22/01/2016 08:06

LB has said what as nagging away at me but I didn't want to worry you.

Children fight and hurt each other but given the talk you've had I would have expected the staff to watch her more closely. How did they seem when they said she had been hit again. Embarrassed, sad, upset, not bothered? Is it the same child? They can say that without naming them.

I think GP is necessary now and tbh, tough if it is a faff having settled her there. She could be being abused worse case but if it is "just" kids being unkind, why would you want your child at a nursery where they can't stop it never mind not take extra care after the same child has been hurt more than once?

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 22/01/2016 08:23

We are pulling her out and finding somewhere new.

They seemed mildly apologetic but more factual as if to say children fight however your dd marks easily so it doesn't really matter because if she didn't mark you wouldn't notice.

I'll get her booked in with the Drs just to get it acknowledged but I'm not really sure what they can do or say

OP posts:

Shemozzle · 22/01/2016 08:46

I remember finding little bruises on my dds thighs and feeling horrified when I realised they were fingerprint bruises and must have been caused by me during nappy changes. She has had a few over time, and I think they probably happen when she tries to flip herself off a public changing table mid change or maybe she's tried to roll away on to the carpet as I've opened a very messy nappy? She's very pale skinned so bruises quite easily, but I've done this to her a few times without being able to remember any specific times I've held on to her tightly during changes. I think it's just a delicate area and can happen when babies seem to have superhuman strength during changes. I'm not saying the nursery are innocent at all, but that these bruises can happen without abuse. I'd certainly be keeping an eye on it though.

Goingtobeawesome · 22/01/2016 10:39

What the GP can do is rule out or in something medical causing the bruises. They can note it in her records in case the nursery staff are abusing her.

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/01/2016 07:44

Glad you are pulling her out. Assume you remove now and have to pay few weeks notice - don't let dd go during notice period

Something doesn't seem right at this nursery. Yes kids fight and push etc but seems weird dd keeps being injured and the staff once you went in should be keeping a very beedy eye on dd and they don't seem bothered

I would Def report this to ofsted so it can go on record incase happens again with another family

rainbowstardrops · 23/01/2016 08:09

I agree that you should take DD to the GP just to check that there isn't a reason that she's bruising easily but - and I know I'm going against the consensus on here - she's a toddler at a nursery school! Toddlers are constantly on the go at a hundred miles an hour and don't think about sitting on a slide gently and carefully or not launching themselves at a bicycle to beat another child to it! Nursery kids also wallop each other if they don't get what they want.

Nursery staff can't possibly stop every incident from happening.

Also, you said your DD is happier at this nursery. I personally think she would be upset at going or clingy to you if anything was going on.

Having said that, if you're unhappy then you must do what you think is best. Trouble is, if she comes home from the next nursery with bruises from rough play or boisterous kids, will you be moving her again? That would be incredibly unsettling to her.

Go with your instincts obviously. I just think all the 'call the NSPCC' hysteria and the like, is just a tad ott right now.

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