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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to possibly request meeting with nursery

84 replies

NeedACleverNN · 18/01/2016 14:58

Dd (2 will be 3 in March) started a new nursery 3 weeks ago (today is her 3rd week) and she is coming home with suspicious bruising.

I'm not jumping to conclusions and suspecting anything too wild (unlike my dh who immediately asked what her Minnie looked like) but they are right at the top of her inner thighs near her nappy and are small finger shaped. Not really a place she could bruise by falling over

It could be the staff are a bit rough changing her nappy but even so this isn't on.

I'm going to fully check to her tonight before bed and again before sending her to nursery tomorrow and if she comes home with any new bruising, I was thinking of requesting a sit down meeting with the staff and asking directly how is she with nappy changes(she normally just lays there but I respect she might be a bit more wriggly at nursery) and how do they do it.

I really want to handle this sensitively and not accuse anything but if there is something going on I want to protect my daughter.

What would you do?

OP posts:

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 18/01/2016 18:17

No i Don't think they are running a paedophile ring but my dh just finds it a bit off that all this has happened in 3 weeks

I will be discussing things with the staff and the sexy issue will be kept an eye on to see if anything else progresses but I'm sure it's picked up from another child. Just seemed coincidence that she was undressing herself at the time and saying it

OP posts:

ThomasRichard · 18/01/2016 18:32

Definitely raise it. I had to raise a similar issue with my DC's nursery as DD was coming home with what looked like finger marks across her bottom. Between us, we worked out that it was from the wooden slide, where she got so excited that she sat down with a bump at the top where there was a ridge.

Fifi10 · 18/01/2016 18:32

I would take her to the GP/ health professional and get these bruises/marks recorded objectively- location, size etc. They are trained in safeguarding etc. and will also know the types of things to look out for in case it is suspicious.

Also, this way if it ever happens again it's not just your word against theirs that this has happened before.

Your DH is right to have alarm bells ringing IMHO

OnceAMeerNotAlwaysAMeer · 18/01/2016 18:33

Follow your instincts, need.

there's 2 or 3 things here that sound iffy.

is yoru daughter otherwise happy there?

Is there another nursery in the area?

fingerprint bruises - that's really quite a lot of force, unless she bruises easily anyway.

Our older son went to a nursery that seemed ok at the time, though I noted the staff changed frequently. he's since gone to another and it's got a much better feeling, and he is happier. They don't have a real accident book but the staff have told me when little things have happened, including one that there was no visible trace of and that I could have made a big fuss about, so I trust them. Not sure your nursery staff can be trusted, given their reaction over the head bruise.

Fifi10 · 18/01/2016 18:38

Oh and btw, if it is a registered nursery/childcare provider they have to have an accident book in order to comply with safeguarding requirements/ofsted/ Local Authority etc etc. It's not optional.

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 18/01/2016 18:39

No she loves going there though apparently she gives one particular member of staff a bit of a glare which is unlike her.

This is her second nursery. I pulled her out of the other one for various reasons and she does seem a lot happier where she is.

She doesn't normally bruise so easily which is why I was a humming and hahing over the bruises. She's a tough cookie. She had a teeny grew stick fracture in her leg last year and apart from a noticeable limp you wouldn't have really known anything was wrong as she still ran about as much as she could. Was a nightmare trying to get her to rest

OP posts:

HSMMaCM · 18/01/2016 18:40

Try to make an appointment rather than trying to talk in the scrum of picking up. That way someone will have time to listen to you.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 18/01/2016 18:42

OP, are you sure she's saying "sexy"? It could just be you and DH hearing that when she's trying to say something else.

Definitely Talk to them though, the 2 bruises are worrying. Good luck.

hufflebottom · 18/01/2016 18:51

Make note/photo of bruises and talk to nursery.

The sexy comment could be something she's picked up from one of her friends. If it is then I'd be relieved it wasn't a swear word. But I can see your DH's POV. I'd make a note of it just in case

Does your nursery have a home contact book that you could write 'dd has this injury today' then there's no chance of anyone getting confused between a home injury or nursery injury

ImogenTubbs · 18/01/2016 18:57

Like PPs, or DD's nursery always query if she has a bump or bruise (aside from minor shin bruises) - they even called me at work once about a bump on her head I'd forgotten to mention. One of the other toddlers is a biter and the three times DD has been on the receiving end they tell me straight away (although they don't name the other child, but DD has told me!)

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 18/01/2016 18:59

No she definitely said sexy

She has good speech and as it stands we are going to assume she has learnt it from another child with perhaps an older sibling. Just seems a bit off that she said it as she was undressing

We do have a home contact book so I might jot a couple of things down to have it down on paper.

I will make an appointment to talk with the manager

OP posts:

Goingtobeawesome · 18/01/2016 19:16

I wouldn't send her back. I'd find it impossible too. Once I thought the nursery could be hurting my child I couldn't trust them.

Finger bruises around the nappy area seem to me being caused by holding her down.

If she is good vocally could you, just once, say oh LittleNACNN, what has happened here?

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/01/2016 21:30

take photos and record your findings and make an app with nursery leader and state facts

Junosmum · 18/01/2016 22:36

From a child protection point of view, if you even slightly suspect any form of sexual abuse may have occurred (I'm not suggesting it has) then best practice says NOT to alert the nursery but to take DD to the GP and take advice from social services. By informing staff at the nursery you could be altering the perpetrators who has a chance to get albis, concoct stories, leave etc and this could result in a lack of evidence meaning they get sway with it and continue to work with children.

ChristmasZombie · 18/01/2016 23:02

Yes, junosmum is right.
Chances are there's an entirely innocent explanation. But something just doesn't sit quite right. From a safeguarding perspective the advice is always to report/investigate something, however innocuous it may be, if it makes you feel uneasy.

NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight · 18/01/2016 23:16

I'm a CP officer in the school where I work. Normally I'd say to make an appointment etc, but something sounds really off here. If the bruises have been caused by holding her down for nappy changes, that's quite some force.

My dd (slightly younger) is a wriggler and sometimes it's almost impossible to change her nappy. I sometimes have to hold her down, as does her childminder. But there has never, ever been bruising. If that's how the bruises were caused then it must have hurt her surely?

Can you ask her about it? A good way of getting info from children in a non leading way is to use the little TED openers - tell me, explain to me, describe to me.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/01/2016 23:28

God you are right Juno

I've just done child protection

As you are uncertain where bruises came from and around sexual Area you shouldn't alert nursery

Bad bad blondes

Aeroflotgirl · 18/01/2016 23:44

I wouldent send her back, tgere are too many red flags, but do as CP people on here have said, and visit the GP.

ChristmasZombie · 19/01/2016 06:37

Good luck, op. I hope you managed to get some rest last night. I was thinking of you.

kalidasa · 19/01/2016 06:53

DS1 would get these bruises from nappy changing sometimes when he struggled a lot. But he bruises very easily and always has done - he always has mysterious bruises whoever is looking after him. I'm the same - I have a massive bruise of my leg at the moment which looks dreadful and I have no idea at all how I got it, presumably a mild and forgettable bash. But I think the key thing is that by nearly three you'd know if this was true of your daughter in general.

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 19/01/2016 06:56

Aah I don't know what to do!

She's supposed to go to nursery today and I was going to be all light hearted with the manager and ask if maybe she has caught it on an outdoor toy or perhaps a staff member was holding a bit tighter than they thought and really try to brush it off but when I looked last night it was a perfect little round bruise that was about the size of a finger tip...she's not up yet so I haven't seen if anything new has come up.

I don't think there's any sexual abuse, or maybe I'm just hoping there isn't, as she does seem quite happy to go to nursery and surely her bits would look sore or show signs of something wouldn't it?

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MummyZELC · 19/01/2016 06:59

Whatever your instincts tell you, listen to them. Bruises on my DD like that would have sent me batshit

Borninthe60s · 19/01/2016 07:05

Take photos and insist on a meeting today with the manager and show them the bruises. Make it absolutely clear that whilst you are not suggesting anything untoward is happening you would like the care of your daughter monitoring by a senior member of staff.

GloriaHotcakes · 19/01/2016 07:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 19/01/2016 08:06

Ok I've took some photos of the bruise and then photographed both legs as evidence she left me here with no bruises apart from what she's already got. I can then check if she comes home with another and go from there.

I've enclosed the picture to show how round the bruise is

Aibu to possibly request meeting with nursery

OP posts:

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